labels Need Help Critiquing Label

I just received the first draft of the Red Thunder label and would love some community input.  I have thoughts of my own but will hold off to see if others independently have the same.  Here it is.  Thanks in advance.
 
Ken
 
KPW_Label_Draft_1.jpg

 
Oops.  I didn't realize there were more coming.
 
KPW_Label_Draft_2.jpg

 
 
 
Number 2 with the "Ken's Pepper Works" logo from Number 1.  There is too much white on the second and I think it detracts a bit too much...the pepper on #2 that droops over the wood needs a couple more detail lines in it.
 
Number 1, that brushed metal/embossed screams amateur...you see it over used on way too many websites.
 
PepperDaddy said:
I just received the first draft of the Red Thunder label and would love some community input.  I have thoughts of my own but will hold off to see if others independently have the same.  Here it is.  Thanks in advance.
 
Ken
 
attachicon.gif
KPW_Label_Draft_1.jpg
 
Oops.  I didn't realize there were more coming.
 
attachicon.gif
KPW_Label_Draft_2.jpg
 
 
HMMMmm,,,  Ok First  very quick impressions- and this will probablly take 5 edits to get fixed...
 
What is the NAME?
 
Are You-
"Ken's Pepper Works"
 
-or are you-
 
"Red Thunder Gourmet Hot Sauces" ???
 
Is the Company name "Ken's Pepper Works" or 'Red Thunder Whatever"?///???   Either one would be good.  Personally, I like Red Thunder...... or better yet.... Thunderworks ...
 
 
 
ThunderWorks, LLC
 
 
 
Think long term.... 
 
 
 
Too much verbage------
 
 
 
ps- didnt' even get to the stuff require by the FDA etc for oz/ml
 
Salsalady has a good point -- although #2 looks better, the name of the hot sauce should probably stand out more than the brand name.  Wood doesn't really come to mind when I hear "Red Thunder" either, maybe you could come up with a background that compliments the name more?  As for the little passage on the side though, that sells it!  My mouth is salivating just from reading it!
 
I like "Taste First, Ask Questions Later"      
 
That's a GOOD tag line!

More quick thoughts-
What's the BRAND?  The overall company name that will be on ALL the products?    
 
The B/W/R logo of Ken's Pepper Works doesn't blend with the rustic of Red Thunder.  It's like there's 2 brands vieing for selection.

on #2 there is the image and discussion of heat.  The Image at the bottom could be utilized as a heat Indicator and moved from Left to Right according to heat.  It looks like a chile tail and it could have the other image (that loks like an old cash register) from left ot right as the heats go up in your sauce line. 
 
I do like #2 the most also. If you do end up going with the steel effect, I think it needs to be done right. The way it was done here makes it look like a cheesy website banner. On #2, at least the first thing that gets your attention is your logo and name of the sauce. 
 
I would propose a few changes though. First, you need a font that is more easily read for the description, website URL, and ingredients. Even with it being the size it is and larger than it would be on the actual label, I still find that I am having to get closer to it to really read the words. 
 
Your description on the left side needs a "." on the last sentence.
 
Not sure about the "HOT" randomly placed on the front. How hot? Really hot? Mildly hot? Maybe a hotness meter or something other than "HOT" might work better.
 
Nutritional facts needs some kind of border or something to separate it from the rest of your label. It looks like it was just pasted there without any additional thought.
 
Ingredients could use a little formatting. Maybe capitalize the names of the food, or put Ingredients on the top, then everything below it. It just looks like someone used the type tool and didn't really think much about this either.
 
I'd also remove the drop shadow from the UPC code. Nothing else on the sides of your label has a drop shadow. And noticing that, I also noticed that your logo on the front only has the drop shadow going halfway up on the left side.
 
I know these are rough drafts, but what I typed is exactly what I would tell the designer if I was my own labels. :)
 
Red Thunder should stand out more than any other text, it's the product name.

I'm with SalsaLady regarding the Brand confusion.

I'd consider rebranding this "Ken's Red Thunder" and minimizing or replacing the Ken's Pepper Works logo with plain text.
 
All very good comments.  I concur w/ the comments on branding, white space, text clarity and many others.  Here are my initial thoughts I provided her after first seeing the label:

  • How would the ingredients and description font look w/ an arial or calibri?  It looks a little blocky.  It looks like Times New Roman, which I think is hard to read when small.  I like the clean fonts like the Blair's Death Sauce labels (http://extremefood.com/Death-Sauce/) - my favorite labels
  • What if the RED THUNDER was red?  Or at least the word "RED".  
  • Maybe "Gourmet Hot Sauce" could be a different font from the sauce name?  
  • The block w/ the logo has too much white on the sides.  The logo either needs to be bigger or the width needs to be less (or both).  There is a lot of white space that jumps out at me.
  • The white logo block may look cleaner if it were a rectangle.  It seems like it would fit better w/ the sharp angles on the rest of the label.
  • The "Uses" section was left off (last part of description).
  • Needs Shake Well and Refrigerate after opening
  • If the ingredients were vertical on the side it would free up space advertise gluten and preservative free
 
Some other thoughts are if the right side were black and the left was white or light gray, it may look better.  Also, brighter colors on the peppers.  I wanted the "RED" to be the color red and the "THUNDER" to contain a few lightening bolts or look like shaking text hard to depict thundee).
 
I will post new iterations.  Please keep the feedback coming.  Thanks again.
 
Ken
 
PS: This website is awesome.  I had just written this entire post and pressed the arrow key but the cursor was not in the edit text box and I went back a page and lost everything.  Then I saw this text below the post that said "View auto saved content..."  Voila, back in business!

 
 
Disclaimer #1: The following are my opinions only - and hey, what do I know, I'm not a graphic artist....

Disclaimer #2: all intended as constructive, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time.

That said, here goes...

1. Maybe I'm in the minority but I am not a fan of the background image at all. For one it doesn't convey "thunder" at all. For another from anywhere past 12" away I can't tell what it is - just vaguely dark red collage of squiggly lines.

2. There are way too many design elements going on with both labels. While I concur with the majority that #2 is better, i still don't think it works. It's a mash-up of too many styles - like those old early 90s web pages that used flash animations and Christmas lights and dancing baby and 20 other things because they could. The Ken's branding looks like it was just slapped on in that badge-style and is totally incongruous with the other styles (wood? Pepper-collage? Red stripe across the bottom?) It just doesn't work for me at all - it fails to draw the eye to any key part of the label. That's my biggest issue with these designs. Go look at the most successfully branded products - you'll find a certain minimalism. "Less is more" and your eye is drawn to the brand name like a magnet. This is all over the place, and some of the elements just don't fit together.

3. Romance panel is far too wordy. I'd suggest trimming that down to at least 2/3. No consumer has that kind of attention span. I read it all because you asked us to. In a store I'd get halfway and zzzzzzzzz.

4. Agree with others regarding product name being too big. I'll add that against the wood grain background I don't even see "gourmet pepper sauce" at first - had to look for it.

5. The one thing I like is the tag line, but I don't like how it's just sort of slapped in on that red stripe at the bottom. Again - there's just way too much else going on for me to focus. Looking at this label I feel like I've got ADHD.

I would consider a means of making the framing more consistent. So that "ken's", "red thunder" and "tag line" are all similarly presented. With different colors and different backgrounds it's not easy or me to tie together. As a consumer I shouldn't have to work to figure out your product.

I would tone down the background - use empty space. Right now there is none. This is my biggest issue with these labels.

I would consider a product name change. Failing this, I would consider using imagery that conveys something even remotely related to the product name. Maybe red storm clouds with lightning striking a chile pepper. I dunno what would work - I just know this one really doesn't. It's got zero empty space, so there's nowhere for my eye to focus - so it doesn't.

Again - don't mean to sound harsh, and I'm not a graphic artist so take my opinions or leave 'em. But I've looked at hundreds of product labels and did study marketing for a while.

Good luck
:cheers:
 
Lucky Dog Hot Sauce said:
Disclaimer #1: The following are my opinions only - and hey, what do I know, I'm not a graphic artist....

Disclaimer #2: all intended as constructive, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time.

That said, here goes...

1. Maybe I'm in the minority but I am not a fan of the background image at all. For one it doesn't convey "thunder" at all. For another from anywhere past 12" away I can't tell what it is - just vaguely dark red collage of squiggly lines.

2. There are way too many design elements going on with both labels. While I concur with the majority that #2 is better, i still don't think it works. It's a mash-up of too many styles - like those old early 90s web pages that used flash animations and Christmas lights and dancing baby and 20 other things because they could. The Ken's branding looks like it was just slapped on in that badge-style and is totally incongruous with the other styles (wood? Pepper-collage? Red stripe across the bottom?) It just doesn't work for me at all - it fails to draw the eye to any key part of the label. That's my biggest issue with these designs. Go look at the most successfully branded products - you'll find a certain minimalism. "Less is more" and your eye is drawn to the brand name like a magnet. This is all over the place, and some of the elements just don't fit together.

3. Romance panel is far too wordy. I'd suggest trimming that down to at least 2/3. No consumer has that kind of attention span. I read it all because you asked us to. In a store I'd get halfway and zzzzzzzzz.

4. Agree with others regarding product name being too big. I'll add that against the wood grain background I don't even see "gourmet pepper sauce" at first - had to look for it.

5. The one thing I like is the tag line, but I don't like how it's just sort of slapped in on that red stripe at the bottom. Again - there's just way too much else going on for me to focus. Looking at this label I feel like I've got ADHD.

I would consider a means of making the framing more consistent. So that "ken's", "red thunder" and "tag line" are all similarly presented. With different colors and different backgrounds it's not easy or me to tie together. As a consumer I shouldn't have to work to figure out your product.

I would tone down the background - use empty space. Right now there is none. This is my biggest issue with these labels.

I would consider a product name change. Failing this, I would consider using imagery that conveys something even remotely related to the product name. Maybe red storm clouds with lightning striking a chile pepper. I dunno what would work - I just know this one really doesn't. It's got zero empty space, so there's nowhere for my eye to focus - so it doesn't.

Again - don't mean to sound harsh, and I'm not a graphic artist so take my opinions or leave 'em. But I've looked at hundreds of product labels and did study marketing for a while.

Good luck
:cheers:
 
LD, thanks for the input.  I need constructive criticism.  That's why I posted this.  I agree w/ your comments.  It's not really what I was expecting based on what I said I wanted.  I'm a big fan of the Blairs Death Sauce labels and would like something simpler like those. 
 
Hat's off to ya for putting yourself out there for c.crit. It'll edit you into a winner.
 
I'll focus on your description.
 
I agree that the 'romance panel' is overly wordy -- we call it purple prose, or fluff. Cut it down to words that actually describe what we're going to be tasting, quality of ingredients and where they came from etc. Maybe try going to a vintages store and reading a hundred or so wine labels to get some ideas.
 
Also the description claims aged habs, the ingredients do not. The aged hot sauces I've seen state 'aged ______' in the ingredients. Not sure if anyone else caught that as I didn't want to read the whole thread and bias my opinions.
 
After the last comma of the last sentence there are 3 'ands'. I'd rework that whole sentence for flow.
 
Finally, I would not address the reader personally with 'you'. Feels a little too personal and forced. My immediate thought was "Oh I will, will I. Uh huh." with a raised eyebrow.
 
Just my thoughts, hope they help, take them with a grain.
 
AaronRiot said:
Hat's off to ya for putting yourself out there for c.crit. It'll edit you into a winner.
 
I'll focus on your description.
 
I agree that the 'romance panel' is overly wordy -- we call it purple prose, or fluff. Cut it down to words that actually describe what we're going to be tasting, quality of ingredients and where they came from etc. Maybe try going to a vintages store and reading a hundred or so wine labels to get some ideas.
 
Also the description claims aged habs, the ingredients do not. The aged hot sauces I've seen state 'aged ______' in the ingredients. Not sure if anyone else caught that as I didn't want to read the whole thread and bias my opinions.
 
After the last comma of the last sentence there are 3 'ands'. I'd rework that whole sentence for flow.
 
Finally, I would not address the reader personally with 'you'. Feels a little too personal and forced. My immediate thought was "Oh I will, will I. Uh huh." with a raised eyebrow.
 
Just my thoughts, hope they help, take them with a grain.
 
Thanks Aaron.  It is aged habs, so i'll have to clarify that in the ingredients.  Good catch on the "you" reference.  I would never refer to anyone as "you" in a letter, report or any type of formal communication.  I don't know why I did it here.  It's actually a pet peave of mine when I see it.  Didn't see my own though :confused:
 
 
Ken
 
PepperDaddy said:
 
LD, thanks for the input.  I need constructive criticism.  That's why I posted this.  I agree w/ your comments.  It's not really what I was expecting based on what I said I wanted.  I'm a big fab of the Blairs Death Sauce labels and would like something simpler like those. 
 
You're welcome - I did the same when I was developing my labels (the posts are on here somewhere) - and even after dozens of people weighed in with 100s of great feedback points & suggestions, I still missed a couple things and had to rework 'em later. lol 
 
My best advice at this point is to simplify.  You said yourself that you're a big fan of Blair's labels. I'd suggest showing those to your designer, along with other labels you're a fan of (not necessarily hot sauce - I told my graphic artist "loony toons bullseye", "lucky strike cigarettes", "Tiger Sauce" and about a dozen others) - she then sent me 5-6 rough layout/sketches and we narrowed it down from there. 
 
Start with a broad focus on a specific theme/idea if that makes sense. Once you've figured that out, the rest falls into place much easier. Then you get a far more unified theme going as opposed to having your company logo and sticking a bunch of stuff behind/around it. 
 
It's an iterative process and it will take time. And it's worth every second you spend on it. Mine took 6+ months to narrow down and finalize and there have been minor tweaks since. And if it took a year it still would have been worth it. :cheers:

PepperDaddy said:
 
Thanks Aaron.  It is aged habs, so i'll have to clarify that in the ingredients.  Good catch on the "you" reference.  I would never refer to anyone as "you" in a letter, report or any type of formal communication.  I don't know why I did it here.  It's actually a pet peave of mine when I see it.  Didn't see my own though :confused:
 
 
Ken
 
It has to do with two sides of your brain: 1. creative 2. editorial.  That's why in my creative writing classes the teacher would have us do "free writing" exercises. It's very common to miss things if you edit immediately after you write. Your creative side is still driving the process, and it will miss mistakes it just made. 
 
I did the same - I think I've re-written my "romance panel" blurb a dozen times and it's still not great. lol 
 
It's tough to edit your own writing -- our brains like to play tricks on us and fix things on its own.

I don't catch all my stuff, that's for sure. My girl has the joy of catching most of my better slips as my first reader. Heh, she has quite a lot of fun with it too.

Glad I could be of some use, I'm sure you'll have a winner once everything's refined. Good luck to you!
 
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