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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
texas blues said:
Whats in the man gravy?
 
And whats it for?
 
The spuds?
 
Where's the hot stuff?
 
Spuds yeah, had a massive drunk craving for gravy so decided to make the drippings to good use, the heat was in the gravy dded cayeenene pepper powder to it, freaking tasted good as I drunkenly whippped it up but I added the flour too quick coz I was off my tits like a reall bbq cook so ended up with shitty chunks. Lesson learnt it was actually my first ever attempt at doing gravy. The overcooked asparagus was freaking awesome though, idea for next time  :P The dickhead supermarket wanted $3.20 for a 8-9 shards of the stuff and it was from mexico, I mean shit, is this stuff endangered or what, will check out the fruit shop next time the big corporate douchers can eat my balls.  :banghead: And next time will use my own rub for the chicken, I suddenly somehow ended up with shit ton of chicken in my freezer. Possibly coz I was/am drinking, who knows
 
3/4 a bottle of bourbon down
 
t0mato said:
No description = drunk

Give the man a break

I wish I could crank out poetry like TB

Oh well.
 
My dear sweet wife doesn't think its poetry.
 
On a good day I only get slapped in the face one time.
 
Why just this morning I went to give her a peck on the cheek.
 
"Get off! You're mauling me!"
 
I swear I married Danny Trejo.
 
And I'm all out of Snickers.
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UO2A2p-19A
 
JayT said:
Your wife is a sweet woman.  You are lucky to have her.  So The TB, you still take Ambien at all?  And cook crazy awesome stuff like smash burgers on the flatty?  I was just thinking the other day how your smoked salmon was one of the best things that ever crossed through my cakehole.
 
But of course mrs. blues is the Queen of The Nile.
 
She's Cleopatra.
 
And every man's desire.
 
But she thinks cooking, cleaning,  and fucking are three cities in china.
 
That's where I come in.
 
Ambien.
 
I haven't taken doctor prescribed drugs in a coupla' years.
 
And thats all I have to say about that.
 
The flat top?
 
I use it at least once a week.
 
Smoked salmon.
 
I can't discuss that topic with you on an open forum.
 
PM me double secret probation. 
 
Ok, I'm on the verge of drunk so ima put dis down right here.
 
First things first.
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What's cooking? Sauce is what's cooking, my "Scarlet Pain" to be precise. 
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Bingo, thank you very much.
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My best to date, thirty six 330ml/11oz bottles.
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Labels will come tomorrow. 
 
I will update as it happens, so stay tuned boys and girls.
 
 
SR. 
 
okay, as much as i wanted to get in on the action of the wing throwdown...
 
these really belong over here in drunken chef :lol:
this was my first time making PB&J whangs and it was rushed.
 
last nights drunken shenanigans  :party:
 
Peanut Butter Jelly  Insanity Whangs:
 
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I used PB2 peanut butter powder, and my Insanity Salt as a dry rub, then made an tropical ghost and apricot jelly dipping sauce...
 
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took 1/2 the dipping sauce and some pineapple juice and made a marinade and left in the vac seal bag for an hour or so (i was impatient :lol: )
 
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Plated
 
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Nom
 
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Nom nom nom
 
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OMG #mouthonfire  :mouthonfire:   sooo good though :D
 
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Fin.
 
 
 
:cheers: 
 
this is definitely a bloody Mary morning and then coffee later   ugh  partied  :party:  :dance: too hard last night 
 
 
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