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A tribute to my dad...

I know some people may think that I am silly or stupid for posting this. I dont really care.
2 years ago TODAY my dad passed away from cancer. Fom the day they found his cancer until the day he died was 5 days. They mis-diagnosed him as just having back problems. They gave him meds and told him that they were going to start a rehab program on his back. Well, 2 1/2 weeks later, he started talking funny and hurting even more, so my step-mom took him to a different dr, whom ended up taking x-rays of his whole body, and not just his back. That is when they found the cancer. ALL over his body. The back pain was from when the cancer hit his spine, which is what killed him in the end.
When my step-mother took him to the va hospital, he started screaming that they took him there for the dr's to kill him. She got so offended that she left him there, ALONE, on his death bed, for 2 days. She showed up when I drove down to Texas to be with him. She is no longer in my life. I cannot love a person that would leave my father in his death bed, ALONE, for ANY length of time.
My father and I were SO close that I still, to this day, feel like a part of my soul has been ripped away from me, and I will never get it back. My dad and mother divorced when I was a young child, so he raised me by himself. If anyone has ever seen the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness," THAT is what my life was like growing up. Just not with the ultra cool happy ending. Just that we were able to get out of being homeless. And yes, we even lived in religious homeless shelters EXACTLY like the one in that movie. We lived in a car, etc. I had to learn to cook and clean and do my homework before I was 7 years old because when we DID get a place, my dad couldnt afford a babysitter. So, when he got home late every night from work, I had dinner waiting on the table, had my homework done, and the house was clean.
Before being homeless, we had a wonderful life together. We had a nice apartment, and plenty of stuff. One day when I got out of school, instead of riding the bus home, some friends came and picked me up. I wondered what was going on, but was told I would know when I got home. Well, I got home to find my dad being held back by some cops because the woman underneath us fell asleep on the couch with a cigarette in her hand. She burned the WHOLE apartment building down. We were just able to salvage just a few things. I got to watch my home being put out. A terrible thing for ANYONE to have to watch.
When my dad met my step-mother, we ere still homeless. He went for a job on a chicken farm, and was hired. They fell in love, and were married for 22 years until he died. We lost the chicken farm because my step-mother wouldnt sleep with the feed truck delivery man, so we were continuously shorted feed. So, we moved to Houston. When we pulled into Houston, we stayed at my step-mother's oldest daughter's house. When we woke up the first morning, we found that our U-Haul truck had been stolen, as well as the truck behind it. 2 weeks later we got the U-Haul and the pick-up truck back, but most things had been stolen out of it. So, we started over..again.
To this day I do not regret ANY part of my childhood. My childhood is what made me the man I am today. I know there are people out there that have had rougher timmes. Im not trying to knock them. My point to this story is my dad did the best he could with what he had, and ALWAYS made sure that I came first.
I know this is going to sound weird, but in no sexual way at ALL, my dad was my soul mate. That man was EVERYTHING to me, and I owe him my life, whether he's gone or not.
Today at 1:50 p.m. will be 2 years to the minute....
Dad, I Love You with all of my heart and soul. I have missed you, and WILL miss you, for every single second of my life. I want to do the best that I possibly can to make you proud of me. I know you were before you passed, and I want to continue that.
I Love You...
All my heart and soul,
Your Little Buddy
I wish I could put into words what that story means to me. I miss my Dad so much. He left me alone in this world on November 20, 2006. I haven't been ok since.
I know exactly how you feel DT. You can NEVER get all that you feel out on paper, or even in words. I dont think everything can be said. Some things just need to stay in your heart, right?
I dont know exactly why I wrote that out. I just know that it felt good to get it out.
I wish everyone in this world would have a relationship with their mother, or father, like I had with my dad. He was WAY more than a best friend. He wasnt perfect by any means, but he was a perfect FATHER. He taught me life lessons that you just cant teach. Things that not everyone gets out of the same experiences. That as well speaks about how he raised me.
I want to be SO much better than he was, and not because he was a bad person. Because I know he would want that for me. That, and I kinda feel like if I can do better than he did, it would feel like I would be doing to help HIM, ya know?
Dark, you are alive to this day to say that you are not ok. That, in itself, means you are ok. You have survived such a terrible loss, and you have kept going. Feel grateful for the time you had WITH him, not for the time you are spending WITHOUT him. He's in a better place, and you will get to see him again one day. Then you will NEVER lose him again.
Maybe we'll all hang out and eat some peppers! There has GOT to be some peppers in the afterlife...
Extremely moving to see something like this bro!

My grandpa was a dad to me. He also died from cancer when I was very young.
Still I was able to carry the things he taught me to my children.

One of the greatest things that has happened to me was to have my oldest, now 23, tell me how great of a father he
thought I was. Somehow I knew grands was smiling down on us :)
That was a very touching story, man. Sorry to hear about it. :(

I lost my dad when I was young. It took me quite a long time to deal with and even though they say life goes on, even to this day, I still carry a sadness that sits below the surface.

Here's a song that reminds me so much of my younger days and everything that happened. The first time I heard it, I cried myself stupid. Even now I can't listen to it without shedding a tear. I think it's a possibility you may take something from it too.

BTW, I don't know your step-mother and I don't know the situation, but if she truly did love your dad then I can fully understand how hard it must have been on her too. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do to leave him alone on his death bed, but you gotta remember, some people are stronger than others. Maybe it was all just too much for her?
That story hit me hard in a soft spot. My dad died of cancer at the age of 52 when I was 17, my sister was 14. And we experienced him getting chemo and operations and other operations and a few more chemos. We saw him fight and die for a whole year. Now I am a dad myself. It has been 27 years ago now and I still miss him. I still could need a hug from him, could need his shoulder, his ear, his advice.
Some of my favorite pictures of me and my Dad...

Notice the tattoo on his left arm in this one:

I got the same thing shortly after he passed:

Here he is, fighting to breathe on oxygen:
That first picture tells the whole story DT. You can see it in his face how much he loved you.
Yeah, my dad was 63. True, he lived a life longer than a lot of other people. I would be stupid if I said I didnt want him around for a LOT longer than that. I would have loved to have him move up here where I am at (which he talked about doing before he passed. He LOVED the thought of coming to the mountains and just be left alone! lol) and just spend time with him. To mow his grass, help him work on his truck (which I now have), to go shooting with him, etc. I could go on and on!
Its hard to lose someone THAT close, ya know? True, you want them every second of your life....but I just feel lucky to have had him for as long as I did.
Even though we dont think so, we'll all be ok. Still hurts, but we'll be ok.

I dread the day my mother or father leave me here to take it on alone. I am one of the lucky ones that get to work with my parents on a day to day basis, hopefully that will continue for many years to come.


Business Member
Thanks for sharing such personal stories, from HP and all.

Just know that many good thoughts are coming your way as you go through this rough time. Everyone has those rough times, and it's good for you to know you have some love coming your way. Even if it is from a forum member you've never met, the sincerity is still there for you.

Salsalady Ann
Scott....I hope you get MANY years with your parents. I tuelly mean that.
Ann....thank you. I appreciate the warmth!!! Its good to have support.
Too bad my 2 friends of over 20 years didnt give me even THAT much support. They are pretty much out of my life as well. Oh, and lets not forget, my grandmother, my last direct living family member, passed away this February. Still, I hafta stay as positive as I can, ya know?
I dont think being ok doesnt mean not hurting. I think it means taking that hurt and not letting it destroy your life. I have lost friends and family members before, but NONE have hurt me like losing my dad has. So, to ME, being ok means dealing with that pain in a good way, and not letting it destroy you. I had to see a psychologist after that happened, and even was prescribed Xanax. But, I wanted to do it the hard way. That way I could learn from it a little better than just masking it. Still have the bottle in the cubboard.
Damn this is a really heart rendering thread man - I can feel your words and what it would mean to me if I were to lose my father or in retrospect my feelings toward my son because it is different, a different bond. Not as so much as a father and friend but as a his guide until I cant do it anymore or lend a hand he can. It sounds like you all have learned well and are continuing on outside of your fathers shadow.

Damn I need a beer :beer:
Hey DarkTrak,

What was your dad's rate in the B's?

I have lots of friends in NMCB-24 and PHIB-CB's.....they're a great bunch of guys!
With the very recent passing of my last grandparent and your heartfelt post I am a blubbering idiot right now. It is a privilege to share similar emotions with you right now. Long our stories shall be to our family, friends and youngins!

RESPECT our past, cherish and pass on.