Posted 01 February 2013 - 10:12 PM
The story of HabaneroHeat81 and 1/2oz of ridiculously hot powder
Staring Habheat, guest staring HabHeatBabyFace, commentary by HabHeatF'ed UP, and produced by One BadChoice Productions:
It all started when one villian wanted to torture a few dumba$$ victims by putting together a burger challenge. The challenge was to take down 1/2oz of chilli powder dumped on 2 McDoubles. HabHeat took this challenge thinking he could take it down with just a few bites a piece. Hab was so confident he chose not to prepare for such extreme challenge and do it in between shifts.
He picks up his 2 burgers, finishes up his work, drives home and sets it all up. 1.5 hours later the camera is on. Giving big props to all that are contibuting to such a ridiculously bad idea while staring confidently at what is before him. He squirts some ketchup in a bowl, adds his powder and proceeds to spread the toxic hell on the burgers, all the while thinking to himself "this is @going to be a breeze. Scarff them down in 3 minutes a piece and a 5 minute after burn, over before it began."
He tops the burgers with their buns, and begins the hellish challenge. First bite in his mouth he realizes, "F!#$! I'm in trouble" he realized. The first bite was so dry he started dry heaving nearly losing his lunch. He could even get to the heat as he it was just so awfuly dry. He choked it down and with a thug it landed in gut. It was at this point he realized two things, he will definately need the dreaded water to choke these burgers down, and two, this is going to be the hardest thing he has ever done!
His second bite was no better, he tried to force it down as he did with the first one, it was going. More dry heaving, "F it" he thought, "need the water to do this:" thus the glugging comence. Every bite consisted of small sips of water just to get these cement blocks of burgers down.
Finish his first burger in right around 3 minutes, Hab was feeling the effects of these burgers. Realizing that the heat hasn't quite sunk in, he knew it would get worse before it got better. He trugged along trying to finish his second burger. Still grabbing the water with every bite, he reached the halfway mark with the second one. That's when it hit, like ton of bricks. He was full from the water soaking up the dry cinder blocks now wrestling in his gut. What was about to take place in mere minutes would be something HabHeat has never experienced before in his life.
Pushing his guts screams aside, he continued to force the last of the burger down. Rythmically, he chomps the burger and gulgs the water. Getting slower, bites getting smaller, he no longer sees anything. His eyes can't focus. One bite left, he looks at it for a moment, inhales deeply and exhales. Puts it in his mouth, chews it and gulgs it with the water.
Now the wait, he can no longer control his thirst. He's so full, but the now two McDoubles are screaming for more water. He doesn't even realize how many he's had. 1 minute down and the heat finally hits its peak. If only he can make it 4 more minutes.
Another glass of water, wait did the rules say absolutely nothing to drink during during the 5 minute after burn?? F it! Its too late now. All he can do is take the 3 minutes left and pray.
3 minutes down, 2 more to go. The rumbling in the guts are getting worse, who will be the victor, hab or the time? He knows now he lost against the burgers, but will he manage the full 5?
1 more minute, the uncontollable snot running down his nose has created a burn on its own. Is it the powder, or is it the dry paper towel that's burning his nose and lips.
30 more seconds, he manages to speak for the first since the begining of the 5 minute burn. "Thanks to all that contributed" his voice shaky, his lips quivering. He made his 5 minutes, but it ain't over yet.
Hab stands up for the first time since the begining of his fire cement burgers, and realized that it has just begun. With his mouth now on fire and nose still running lava, he runs to the bathroom. The hockey puck burgers has absored every drop of the water it could, now stuffed with molten burger soup there was nothing he do to avoid the enevitable.
Bareley making it to the bathroom, he slams the toilet seat up, no tie to squat he unleashes a prejectile of fire burgers. One time, two times, third time he unleashes with such force there was no room just for the mouth. Fire spewed out of nose like a rocket! Still not done, he manages to squat just in time for one more of those ungodly fireballs.
Feeling he is done in the bathroom, he grabs the faucet to the sink behind him. He turns the cold water on full blast and douses his face with it. Trying to get the fire out his nose, he sticks his now cold wet hands up his nostrils. Its not helping, he's in a frantic pace trying to sooth the agony in his nose. The burn in his mouth he can no longer feel. Giving up on the water he runs out the back door into the 31 degree weather. Inhaling deeply through his and out his mouth he screams to wife "Bring me sugar!"Habs wife brings it to him urgently, no spoon he dives right in fisting it and suckin it down. The pain doesn't go away.
After what seemed an eternity he's cooled enough to go inside. His wife already with video, they go in bed to review the terror that habs dumba$$ just put himself through. Afterwhich HabsSmarterHalf leaves him to attend to the kids. Hab rolls hours to try to sleep before going to work.
Its has been an hour since the end of the video, and a total of 5 minutes since Habs wife left him to sleep when outta no where he feels a certain discomfort. He's felt this before, its the start of the capsacin cramps. With in seconds of the initially pain, hab is squrming in his bed. A minute later the pain is unbareable, he runs to the bathroom, hurles and falls to the floor.his mouth on fire, but he has the chills. He begins screamin absenities, rolling on the bathroom getting up just long enough to spit fire.
The pain is still unbareable at the 5 minuute mark, he grudginly inches his out of the bathroom. He's hot and looking for something to cool him down. He happens upon his wife foot sauna. He grabs it and puts his head it. The rubber spikes poking his face, the foot mold squashes his tender nose. Irritated he throws at the door and continues inching forward. His wife, hearing the loud thud, runs in to see what she can do. He ignores her as he find a pllastic laundry basket. He tips it on its side and puts his face in it. The cool plastic seems to cool his head a bit, he closes his eyes and rides the pain for reminder of it. 10 minutes later he is able stand and crawl back to bed. He lays there trying to sleep.
An hour later he's jolted by more pain, its the same pain as before, he's biting his lip as not to scream, he can't talk or he would. He can't let his kids see him in this pain, he knows this so tries texting his wife, but he can't even read the screan. He starts pushing buttons hopping she'll understand. He hears a buzz friom phone, she clearly didn't understand. He tries again, this time she comes in to check on him. He moans out "milk." She rushes into the kitchen to grab some, but all that's left if the crappy box milk that tastes like soy. There's no choice, desperate times call fall desperate matter. She cuts it open, poors it in a cup, drops some ice in it and rushes it to her idiot husband! He takes a few sips of this foul yet helpful elixer and lays back down. He request some PEanut butter in case it flairs up again.
The ends up going away, but every hour for the next four hous it comes again, getting shorter and shorter with every passing phase. Finally, with just 3 hours left before work, he falls in deep slumber.
. Slight lactose intolerance.