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Assistance Requested

WarrantMan

Extreme Member
I realize that this post will seem odd. I don’t really have a venue to pose it in front of colleagues before publishing. I thought that here might be the greatest cross-section of folks imaginable, and so far my contributions have been met with respect by some really cool members. So, to put it in context:
 
During my tenure as a cop in SC, I have found that many neighborhoods have some place where “drunks” congregate. Not regular folks and craft beer enthusiasts, but hardcore alcoholics (the kind who use beer for their cornflakes – if they eat at all.) Usually they are harmless, but often fights break out and occasional police intervention is needed. I found out early in my career that treating these folks with respect was rewarding. I solved many a crime from information confided in me by these society “outcasts.” These places had many different names, “The Hill,” “The Crossroads,” “The Tree” etc.. Some “regular” folks would refer to the places as “The Unemployment Tree” because, it seemed as though no one had a job and they just got drunk all day.
 
Recently, I had the task of seeking out and arresting one of these folks that my investigation revealed was a frequent member of one of the aforementioned “spots.” He apparently did some heavy five-finger lifting at a local store. As a writer, sometimes ideas hit and I write them down. I’m hardwired this way I guess.
Below is a poem written just today. I would ask of those who may read, the following:
 
1.       Does such a place exist where you live, and if so, what is it called?
2.       What do you think of the poem? Yea or nea.
3.       What should be the title?
 
THP, If I am out of line please delete this post, my intent is honorable and I seek only honest feedback and nothing more. I understand if it is not proper and will take no offense if it is deemed outside permissible bounds.
Thank you.
 
-          Reggie
 
 
[SIZE=14pt]Drunk Tree[/SIZE]
[SIZE=12pt]By R.E. Sharpe[/SIZE]
 
 
Travel the states and you will see,
Drunkard conventions at the “unemployment tree.”
Haggard looks surpassed by breath, various stages of cirrhosis death.
It may be known by many names, “the hill,” “the spot” or other such fames.
Surprising just who you’ll find here, around burn barrel with cheap ass beer.
In spite of their looks, they’re not all zeroes, former management, sports stars and old war heroes.
Fanciful stories round go plenty, forty-ounce, vodka pint and “Mad Dog 20/20.”
No dress code, wear whatever duds, loose-knit club of cigs and suds.
For the most part you’re among some friends, till fisticuffs and party ends.
A fiesta locale that never stops, lest wallets empty or come the cops.
This activity some call sin, they’ll be right back tomorrow to do it again. 
 
 
You should just post your poems and not ask for feedback (question 2) or explain them (the poem should do this), it is art, no matter how it is received, which you should stand behind. Keep them coming. As for the title that is on you man! But I'm always up for a good naming. How about:
 
No Deposit, No Return
 
THP,
 
Thank you. I thought it necessary to offer some context. I really do find value in the feedback from this forum, indeed some great people. From an occupational perspective, being a "Cowboy" will get you killed, I always count on "back-up." Here in a sense, I seek a little "back-up" from my hot sauce peers. I appreciate the "go" more than I can explain. Thanks for allowing me the venue to express my "art." I never figured it as such, but again as a weird puzzle piece, it seems that here I have found a "fit." 
 
Not a bad title choice, thanks for first offer! Whatever becomes, this will find publication in a police peer periodical not so far off, and all will know it was tested here "first!"
 
- Reggie
 
No worries! The reason I say the poem should speak for itself is, let's say it's in a book of poems. You won't be there to explain it. Also if it is a bit ambiguous or abstract, then we all come away with our own interpretations, or great scholars will debate what it truly means. But defining art takes away from that. ;) However I'm not opposed to a brief description of what inspired it. 
 
Great stuff! It's refreshing to hear a cops side of view with feeling towards people that most of the community and others cops consider hopeless castaways. I've noticed on more than one occasion the "leader" (usually the most honorable and the group psychologist) of these sites is called "the mayor".
 
My brother's a cop.  They call their major congregation spot "bag end" because the sarge is a tolkein freak and everyone there has their drinks wrapped in paper bags due to open display of alcohol regs.
 
The poem has good rhyme and reads easily with good meter.  Coming off a several weeks long of reading T'was the Night Before Christmas at bedtime, I couldn't help but fall into that type of easy meter reading it.  Worthy work, and lacking the contempt and/or critical judgment that many might believe a cop would be thinking of such people.  Bravo! 
 
I saw you talking about being a 'word nerd' in another thread and I'm right there with you.  ;) 
 
SmokenFire,
 
Coming from a Chilihead and the angle you describe, many "thanks." That is as real as I could ever hope for. Could you say where in the world is "bag end?" Generally speaking.  It would be useful in a writing project... Obviously you are learned man...
 
Thanks again for your time.
 
Reggie
 
AJ Drew,
 
I agree with your assessment. I fear that it is not long before I wish I were with you in the hills. "Something wicked this way comes"  and I submit you are a smart man... Some folks see it, some do not. Cognitive dissonance I think it is called... 
 
 
 
WarrantMan said:
AJ Drew,
 
I agree with your assessment. I fear that it is not long before I wish I were with you in the hills. "Something wicked this way comes"  and I submit you are a smart man... Some folks see it, some do not. Cognitive dissonance I think it is called... 
 
 
Seems like people are getting angrier and angrier each day.
 
IMO (and this is like, just, my opinion man...) It could use a few minor adjustments to flow a little better
 
 
 
Travel the US and you will Surely see,
Their* (intentionally misspelled ;) ) will always be another drunkard conventions at the “unemployment tree.”
Haggard looks surpassed by breath, various stages of cirrhosis death.
It may be known by many names, “the hill,” “the spot” or other such fames.
Tis Surprising just whom you might find there, around burn barrel with cheap ass beer.
In spite of their looks, they’re not all zeroes, former management, sports stars, and old war heroes.
Fanciful stories round go plenty, forty-ounces, vodka pints and “Mad Dog 20/20.”
No dress code, wear whatever duds, Tis a loose-knit club of cigs and suds.
For the most part you’re amongst some friends, till fisticuffs and party ends.
A fiesta locale that never stops, lest wallets empty or come the cops.
This activity some may call a sin, they’ll be right back though tomorrow, to do it again. 
 
these adjustments/modifications to your original prose;  are just, like, my opinion man...
It's entirely likely that it only reads better this way to me. :lol:
cV6hiUI.gif
  :lol:

 
 
 Coming from someone who is just starting to accept that their self-recognized "functional-alcoholism" is a real thing
I appreciate your poem for it's recognition of the way many people accept it (alcoholism). 
 
I also appreciate it's non judgmental tone.
 You don't often see someone "recognize" and relate it in a non judgmental way. 
 
I hope you continue to feel comfortable enough with this community to share more of your poetry here.
 
 
G.I.P.
 
 
 
 
The Hot Pepper said:
Annnnd that's why you don't ask for feedback on a poem :lol:
 
or a sauce recipe..... ;)   ............. :lol:...........
 
 
but I like GIP's tweaks~  just helping things flow a bit easier.  Kinda like removing that orifice reducer....
 
 
 
 
I like the poem, thanks for sharing.  And thanks for doing the job you do.  Sometimes not a popular profession, but it is appreciated. 
SL
 
 
 
 
 
 
Guatemalan Insanity Pepper,
 
Thank you for the insight. Exactly what I had hoped for, but sadly, I expected more "places." "Their" is most certainly not misspelled as it is used correctly as you suppose it is "they are?" I call foul.
As for the rest, I humbly submit that it could use some tweaking.. ergo my posting for peer review. You have stimulated thought as have I. It was not for purpose of underlying conditions, I do in fact recognize many. I really do not judge. Arguably, my reputation is sound on this regard. Truly, I am not the "average cop." I have many co-workers but very few "friends." I would hope you could understand and more importantly so, appreciate this.
 
This was simply an expression of observation, albeit from my personal point of view. The facts stand as they are, open for interpretation (as THP so stated) and I cannot discount the logic. Thanks again and I will offer some hot sauce prose when the feeling "hits me." I really don't know how or when, but when it strikes, upon my word, you will be the first recipient!
 
Thanks again to all who may read.
 
Reggie
 
WarrantMan said:
but sadly, I expected more "places."
 
I can't think of any names used here. I suppose that's a good thing? If you're a fan of gentrification. lol. No more empty lots with burning barrels. Hmm. I suppose cops have all the nicknames, they have nicknames for all kinds of areas so you can get there fast.
 
Skid row is the most global one I can think of but none specific here.
 
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