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I need a new job.....

As many of you know, I teach driver's ed for a paycheck these days....

Last night makes me want to reevaluate things.

I had this Cuban immigrant who thinks she's a good driver and won't listen to a damn thing any instructor has to tell her. She constantly runs stop signs, red lights, dive bombs other lanes, you name it...she does it. Then she says, "Put I'mba goot driber, no? I'mba doink goot!"

The bitch almost killed me last night.

So, here we are.... Last lesson: Highway Driving
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big hint

HER: "I'mba nebber driben on da highway berfoea."
ME: "You'll do fine. It's just like a big street, but a little faster, and no red lights."

She get's in the driver's seat and crosses herself... "Jeebuz watch ober me." I just roll my eyes and tell her to fire it up.

She actually did better than normal on the city streets, and I was pretty impressed with the fact she was following the rules of the road. We even got on the highway (I-25) ok... a little slow, but ok.

We finally make it up to 60mph (in a 65) and she starts slowing down. I look over and we're doing 35. "Ummmm, we gotta go a little faster than this." So we get up to 55 and stay there.

Here's where things go terribly wrong.

We're approaching a merge lane and an SUV starts coming over with no turn signal. Just as I was going to tell her to let off the gas to let this guy in. BAM!!! She locks up all 4 tires and we go spinning off to the left. I grab the wheel and try to get us pointed in the right direction... "WHAT THE $%^& ARE YOU DOING?!?! GET THIS CAR GOING NOW!!!!"

I look through the driver's side window and see a ton of cars locking up their brakes and swerving... so I went limp and thought "This is gunna hurt... a lot." After about two seconds, and no impact, I pointed the wheel in the right direction... "HIT THE GAS!!"

"JOO DON'T EBER JELL AT ME! JOO MAKE ME NERBOUS!"

"I tend to yell when I'm about to die. Now get over to the right lane and take the next exit. You fail."

Lock up #2

"If you don't move this mother &^%$ing car RIGHT NOW we will both die. MOVE THE CAR!!!"

**boohoo** "Joo made me NERBOUS. Joo no need to jell at me like dat."

"Turn right, get this damn car off the road. We're going back to the school. We're finished."

"I tol joo I'mba nebber been on da highway beforea"

"I have had a lot of other students that have never been on the highway, and NONE of them have almost killed me."

So, I made her drive all the way back to the school listening to her bitch about me yelling, and how she has never driven on the highway....

Then when we finally get back to the school, she runs and tells me boss that I yelled at her for no reason!!!!!

After she left the bossman and I have a little discussion. He made a note in her file. "Any damages or repair need to the silver '08 Cobalt will be charged to (student). No further driving driving instruction will be allowed."

Then I came home and had a few frosty adult beverages.
 
hahahaha.... dude thanks for the good laugh! :lol: sorry you almost died, but that cracked my shit up! I nebba drob on da highway befo hahaha
 
You, sir, are a much braver man than I.





Of course, I'm not a man at all, but still, you're braver than I am.
 
ExtremeBurn said:
hahahaha.... dude thanks for the good laugh! :lol: sorry you almost died, but that cracked my shit up! I nebba drob on da highway befo hahaha

Yeah, I can laugh now. I'm not in the hospital...or dead.
 
Not an attempt to steal your thunder - that was a fantastic story. I have a similar one you might enjoy:

I'll preface this by saying I used to travel for my job a lot. There have been years when I've been on the road 4 of the 12 months. As such, I spend a lot of time in taxi cabs. This is a true story. It actually made it into a piece of fiction I got halfway through writing and then quit on, but I assure you every bit of it is true.

“HEYWASSAPANEENYOULIKEMERENGUE? OKAY!” His thick Latino accent blurred the straight-backed and proper English phonetic lines, incising the discomfort of our introduction. Laughing, he pressed the power button on the radio which, in turn, blasted meringue out at us; filled the car, as he cheered along, screaming something about “my country,” and “f--king Sammy Sosa.” He one-handed the “jello” cab back and forth, in and out of lanes, weaving like an ambidextrous seamstress in between the stop and go rush-hour Russian roulette downtown traffic.

Suddenly, the van ahead stopped short. The driver swerved into the next lane yelling, “Sucker, he no knows who is behind him! He no knows I am the dangerous driver!” laughing all the while, and nodding to himself, “I am the dangerous driver.” He took a breath, then turned to me and asked, “What are you doing for, eh?”

“Well, I spent the night in the heartland. The Midwest. I’m on my way home,” I answered, unsure if my reply was the answer that he was really asking. My uncertainly was neither confirmed nor denied, as he just looked at me and squinted, then continued to speak.

“Ah, these suckers here, bah. There is no nothing. There is no nothing,” he told me, looking slightly annoyed. He rolled down his window and spit on the ground, “No nothing,” he said again, disgusted.

He picked up a clipboard and began writing on it, recording information about the fare and trip. The car in front of him was at a complete stop at a red light, and by the time the driver picked his eyes up from the clipboard it was far too late. He hit the brakes, anyway.

From what I understand, he lost his job. One violation as a cabby and you're gone. Unfortunate, as it was the most memorable cab ride I've ever been in. I've got a few more stories about cabs... One cabby trying to get me to call a swinger couple that he knew, he tried to drop me off at their house... Another time I had a cabby in NY go nuts and start aiming at pedestrians.
 
I have TONS of horror stories about NYC cabbies.....I'd have to say they take the cake as far as insane driving goes.
 
Wow DD....Hell of a story....She might need to practice on the simulations a little more...:lol:

I heard of a woman in England (I think it was there?) that failed the written test to get her licence 700 times. :shocked:
 

imaguitargod

Inactive Members
Dude, Lynn, you need a new job. :lol:

I'm waaaayyy surprised you let her drive you the rest of the way back. I would have made her pull over and get into the passenger seat.

Glad you didn't die.
 
One question - don't "student driver" cars have a secondary steering wheel, gas and brake on the passengers side?
 
I always found it amusing that driving schools teach people how to drive in the smallest, tiniest cars made. You'd think they want to teach you how to drive in a friggin Peterbuilt or something.
 
moyboy said:
Wow DD....Hell of a story....She might need to practice on the simulations a little more...:lol:

I heard of a woman in England (I think it was there?) that failed the written test to get her licence 700 times. :shocked:

Korea it was MoyBoy. Thanks for sharing that story DD, i got a great laugh at your expense:lol:
 
DD glad you're OK.

I started reading this as if it was another of those 'my wife is cheating on me' stories, but no punch line....

Don't drive in brisbane, everyone drives like that.

I ride a m/c and am glad I can lane split at lights and get round all the f*&^wits.
 
DD - I'm sorry but I gotta laugh at your story, glad your safe.
if it was me & she started crying her head off in highway traffic, I would of told her to get this vehicle going RIGHT NOW! or I'll remove you from the vehicle & you can play dodge ball with the traffic! :lol:
sounds like shes an idiot that shouldnt be allowed to drive!


imaguitargod said:
I'm waaaayyy surprised you let her drive you the rest of the way back. I would have made her pull over and get into the passenger seat.

ditto! I would of told her to get the F out, from behind the wheel, & I would of drove back the rest of the way.

some of you may think thats mean but theres to many idiots on the road & this lady sounds like she shouldnt be driving.
 
Wow...I mean...Wow... Thank god you are alive to tell us this stupid woman almost killed you... Man..Yea I would say you need a new job..hell Lion tamer sounds safer..or eating glass, holding lit dynamite... ;) hell almost anything but that...

Wow..
 
For those of you that think I should've driven back to the school....

No way was she getting off that easy. Do you know how many times I had to drive all shaken up due to a moron cutting me off? This time the moron paid the price.
 
yea but you could of also paid the price & be in a accident after that cuz it sounds like shes a idiot that shouldnt be allowed to drive.
 
Did you ever consider an ice cream truck, those guys make some serious bank, It could be Ducks Twuck..
 
AWWW I am so glad you are ok, it makes me wonder how stupid people end up reaching adulthood when I hear about someone like her. My thing was when I had to teach my twins to drive. Twin A behind the wheel, twin B in the back seat giving his opinion, then switch and its the same thing. It's funny how you know everything with a permit and an hour of actual practice.
 
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