So a pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel from the ship sticking out of the front of his pants... the bar tender looks at him and is like, "I know that steering wheel has to be bothering you..." The pirate replies, "Yarrrrr, its drivin me nuts!"
A serial killer and a little boy are walking inthe woods. The little boys says "Gee mister. It sure is getting dark. It's kinda scary!"
The serial killer resoponds "I know! Just think..... I have to walk out of here alone...."
One fine Sunday afternoon a kentucky wildcat fan is driving through the countryside when he sees a pastor walking along the road. He slows down and asks if the man needs a ride into town. The pastor gladly accepts when he sees the UK gear. It turns out they both bleed blue. As they make their way down the winding rural road they reminisce about classic games and get somewhat carried away with all of the fun they are having... suddenly a Louisville cardinal fan, decked out in his game-day gear, bumbles out into the road..... the driver swerves and narrowly avoids hitting the cardinal fan crossing the road. "OH MY GOD!!! Did you see that father??!? I almost hit that man!!!" The pastor turns to him with a wry grin and says, "Don't worry... I got him with the door!"
A 10-year-old girl was walking home alone from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”
“NO!” says the girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, “Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”
“NO!” says the girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist doesn’t give up, pulls up beside her again and says, “Okay kid, my last offer! I’ll give you 20 bucks and a big bag of candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.”
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams out, “Look Dad, you’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley, like I wanted. GO RIDE IT ALONE!”
In the afternoon, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!!
As an intelligent senior citizen, I do not get flustered often. But this time, it took me a while to get my pants back on.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.