> THE PHOTOGRAPHER
> The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
> decided to use a surrogate father to start their
> family.
> On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
> kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
> now.
> The man should be here soon."
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
> baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
> hoping to make a sale.
> "Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to..."
> "Oh, no need to explain..." Mrs. Smith cut in,
> embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
> "Have your really?" said the photographer. "Well,
> that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?"
> "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
> come in and have a seat."
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do
> we start?"
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
> bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
> the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
> You can really spread out there."
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
> work out for Harry and me!"
> "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
> every time. But if we try several different
> positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm > sure you'll be pleased with the results."
> "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
> "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
> time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but
> I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
> "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
> a portfolio of his baby pictures.
> "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
> "Oh my god!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
> throat.
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
> when you consider their mother was so difficult to
> work with."
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
> the park to get the job done right. People were
> crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
> "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide
> with amazement.
> "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than
> three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling! I could hardly concentrate,
> and when darkness approached I had to rush my
> shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
> on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
> actually chewed on your, um...equipment?"
> "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll
> set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
> "Tripod?"
> "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
> Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand
> very long."
> Mrs. Smith fainted.
> The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
> decided to use a surrogate father to start their
> family.
> On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
> kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
> now.
> The man should be here soon."
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
> baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
> hoping to make a sale.
> "Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to..."
> "Oh, no need to explain..." Mrs. Smith cut in,
> embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
> "Have your really?" said the photographer. "Well,
> that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?"
> "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
> come in and have a seat."
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do
> we start?"
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
> bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
> the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
> You can really spread out there."
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
> work out for Harry and me!"
> "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
> every time. But if we try several different
> positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm > sure you'll be pleased with the results."
> "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
> "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
> time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but
> I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
> "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
> a portfolio of his baby pictures.
> "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
> "Oh my god!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
> throat.
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
> when you consider their mother was so difficult to
> work with."
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
> the park to get the job done right. People were
> crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
> "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide
> with amazement.
> "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than
> three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling! I could hardly concentrate,
> and when darkness approached I had to rush my
> shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling
> on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
> actually chewed on your, um...equipment?"
> "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll
> set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
> "Tripod?"
> "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
> Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand
> very long."
> Mrs. Smith fainted.