Yea APE is bad, but you have to keep the concerns in the context in which they are issued.
APE is used in god awful amounts of detergents, packing materials, cleaning agents, clothing treatments, lotions etc. i THINK i remember reading they used it in old condoms for lubricant lol.
the concerns are over the fact that there is so much APE in use that's beginning to contaminate food and water sources, and causing chronic exposure issues. Its not broken down very readily ether.
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also, given the fact its easily replaceable, most environmental agencies are erring strongly on the side of safety on this issue. with the EPA phasing it out quickly, and the euro banning it outright i think.
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that being said, there is no indication that plants exposed to APE treated soil mediums present a risk, and ive looked belive me.
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APE is( or it was at the time ) the product used in the promix soilless medium that is why i chose to buy it. ironically the APE i bought was intended for use as a SPRAY adjunct, meaning its supposed to be added to pesticice/fungicide sprays which presumably can be sprayed directly to food crops. i would not do this personally, given that i dont wash anything ever....even store bought stuff.
FWIW, i only mentioned the alcohol etholxyates because there the only alternative ive read of, here is a few i have not:
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organosillicones -similar to antifoam b it think, so should be spendy lol.
 block copolymers - no idea wtf these are.
alkyl polyglycosides- sp? no idea.