I recently got a couple dozen peppers from a prolific and talented grower who lives in Kansas. The peppers are absolutely huge, healthy-looking, and extremely hot.
I took some to work so that I and three of my coworkers could finally eat a whole Bhut Jolokia---the event we've been working up to for over six months now through eating progressively hotter and hotter hot sauces and eating progressively hotter and hotter fresh peppers.
I don't recommend doing this.
Have you heard the quote "Any technology that's sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic." ? I'd like to offer a new one: "Any pepper that's sufficiently hot is indistinguishable from poison."
We sat down at a conference room table while curious coworkers looked on and each munched down a whole Bhut Jolokia or substantial piece of 7 Pot or Trinidad Scorpion. I was pretty sure I knew what I was getting into. I had a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Americone Dream" at the ready to cool myself down and put the caseins to work on the capsaicin if it became too much to bear.
I stuffed the whole pepper in my mouth, chewed it thoroughly and swallowed it when I could. The taste was wonderful... fruity and heady and sweet with everything I've come to like about the flavor of fresh Nagas.
Then, probably a good thirty seconds later, the heat hit. Not like a freight train but creeping in on little cat feet which it then sunk, claws out, into the back of my throat and tongue.
Here's a picture of me when the heat first set in:
I TOTALLY got what Neil was saying about the soldering iron jammed into the bakka-mah-throat. The "hot coal" feeling. That was unexpectedly intense. My tongue was screaming too. I sat there for a good thirty seconds trying not to be the first one to go for the milk/ice cream/whatever. But I couldn't take it, I made a theatrical gesture standing and scooping up the pint of ice cream and pacing back and forth admist laughter from the audience.
People started asking me questions and I tried to answer but trailed off mid-sentence and finally just blurted out "Can't talk right now." More laughter.
The rest of the pepper tasting crew was writhing around in their seats at the conference table and pulling hilarious faces that one of the guys snapped up on his camera. There was lots of "My god that's hot!" and "Holy shit!" and laughter.
I was shoveling ice cream into my head as fast as I could. The cold didn't seem to penetrate the wall of fire or douse the flames at all. It did seem to have some effect on the burning sensation in my abdomen that was really starting to grow. I managed to get about half a pint in me before things started to mellow out a bit. It was 15 minutes before I could stop pacing back and forth and tugging at my face. It was about 25 before I felt totally normal again, save a very non-focused and drained feeling.
Talking to the other guys, we all had a similar thing happen. We ate the peppers and about 30 seconds later we crashed headlong into a surreal experience that was both intense and detached at the same time. The pain was unbelievable, but something dulled our senses as if we became shrouded in clouds. Voice became distant as if at the end of a long tunnel. Sounds became muted and dulled. We lost track of time and the sequence of events that followed became vague and hard to pin down later. It was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
As people gradually lost interest, slapped backs and headed to their desks again we resumed our normal workday... all of us with a bit of a knot in the belly but not too much worse for wear. I went immediately into three meetings back to back that lasted more than four hours in total. I was pretty mentally drained by the end of the day.
Trouble began after dinner. I ate a nice dinner with my family and got the girls to bed so they could read for a while and sat down at the computer to check email, read blogs, read news and the usual nightly routine. But trouble was brewing. I started getting the gut cramping feeling again, but this time it was much more pronounced than before. I suspect that having eaten dinner, my stomach had deployed the digestive crew to break down what was left down there and suddenly my GI was flooded with capsaicin again. The pain began mid-abdomen, about 3 inches up from the belly button. It got more and more intense and suddenly something in my lizard brain told me that I needed to be in the bathroom, though I wasn't entirely sure why.
I sat there doubled over with cramping which got progressively worse and worse until it felt like someone had hit me with a prison shiv made out of a sharpened screwdriver and was twisting it around in my gut. My mouth began to water to prepare my upper digestive tubes to reverse the works in short order, though I never did actually puke. It just felt intensely as if I were about to. I remember this feeling from having the flu or sitting on the bathroom floor after a big night out in college. I fought the urge to vomit with every ounce of strength I had---knowing that the peppers would come up with claws sunk deep into every piece of soft tissue all the way from my small intestine to the ends of my nasal canals.
I was getting these pains at 20 minute intervals. 20 minutes on the computer, then the shiv goes in and off I go to the bathroom for 20 minutes of wincing, head hanging, doubled over, fighting stomach spasms and trying to find my quiet place. I did Lamaze when my wife was pregnant with our first little girl. I was doing a little Lamaze here and there and it was working at least a little.
Then the pain was coming and going with such regularity that I stayed for three hours on the throne, alternatively doubled over and fighting it and doing a crossword puzzle from the day's paper that my wife had left in there while waiting for the next round to come.
I shifted my energies to pushing everything out of my system. I drank lots of water, fought the fits, and stayed there until after midnight. I'd been battling this since 7:30pm.
I laid in bed watching Robot Chicken on Adult Swim and not daring to turn on my side yet. Eventually I gave in and sleep grabbed me and tossed me in and out of restful sleep all night. I woke with the alarm clock totally unrested and still knotted in the guts. I called in sick to work. I'm sure they love that one. When I go back tomorrow I imagine plenty of derisive laughter and humble pie. It was my idea to organize the Bhut Jolokia eating in the first place. Wow.
I swear I'm never doing that again.
Though strangely, I remember saying that same phrase over and over as a sort of mantra when I was sitting there on the cold bathroom floor in college after a night of revelry. On many more than one occasion.
I took some to work so that I and three of my coworkers could finally eat a whole Bhut Jolokia---the event we've been working up to for over six months now through eating progressively hotter and hotter hot sauces and eating progressively hotter and hotter fresh peppers.
I don't recommend doing this.
Have you heard the quote "Any technology that's sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic." ? I'd like to offer a new one: "Any pepper that's sufficiently hot is indistinguishable from poison."
We sat down at a conference room table while curious coworkers looked on and each munched down a whole Bhut Jolokia or substantial piece of 7 Pot or Trinidad Scorpion. I was pretty sure I knew what I was getting into. I had a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Americone Dream" at the ready to cool myself down and put the caseins to work on the capsaicin if it became too much to bear.
I stuffed the whole pepper in my mouth, chewed it thoroughly and swallowed it when I could. The taste was wonderful... fruity and heady and sweet with everything I've come to like about the flavor of fresh Nagas.
Then, probably a good thirty seconds later, the heat hit. Not like a freight train but creeping in on little cat feet which it then sunk, claws out, into the back of my throat and tongue.
Here's a picture of me when the heat first set in:
I TOTALLY got what Neil was saying about the soldering iron jammed into the bakka-mah-throat. The "hot coal" feeling. That was unexpectedly intense. My tongue was screaming too. I sat there for a good thirty seconds trying not to be the first one to go for the milk/ice cream/whatever. But I couldn't take it, I made a theatrical gesture standing and scooping up the pint of ice cream and pacing back and forth admist laughter from the audience.
People started asking me questions and I tried to answer but trailed off mid-sentence and finally just blurted out "Can't talk right now." More laughter.
The rest of the pepper tasting crew was writhing around in their seats at the conference table and pulling hilarious faces that one of the guys snapped up on his camera. There was lots of "My god that's hot!" and "Holy shit!" and laughter.
I was shoveling ice cream into my head as fast as I could. The cold didn't seem to penetrate the wall of fire or douse the flames at all. It did seem to have some effect on the burning sensation in my abdomen that was really starting to grow. I managed to get about half a pint in me before things started to mellow out a bit. It was 15 minutes before I could stop pacing back and forth and tugging at my face. It was about 25 before I felt totally normal again, save a very non-focused and drained feeling.
Talking to the other guys, we all had a similar thing happen. We ate the peppers and about 30 seconds later we crashed headlong into a surreal experience that was both intense and detached at the same time. The pain was unbelievable, but something dulled our senses as if we became shrouded in clouds. Voice became distant as if at the end of a long tunnel. Sounds became muted and dulled. We lost track of time and the sequence of events that followed became vague and hard to pin down later. It was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
As people gradually lost interest, slapped backs and headed to their desks again we resumed our normal workday... all of us with a bit of a knot in the belly but not too much worse for wear. I went immediately into three meetings back to back that lasted more than four hours in total. I was pretty mentally drained by the end of the day.
Trouble began after dinner. I ate a nice dinner with my family and got the girls to bed so they could read for a while and sat down at the computer to check email, read blogs, read news and the usual nightly routine. But trouble was brewing. I started getting the gut cramping feeling again, but this time it was much more pronounced than before. I suspect that having eaten dinner, my stomach had deployed the digestive crew to break down what was left down there and suddenly my GI was flooded with capsaicin again. The pain began mid-abdomen, about 3 inches up from the belly button. It got more and more intense and suddenly something in my lizard brain told me that I needed to be in the bathroom, though I wasn't entirely sure why.
I sat there doubled over with cramping which got progressively worse and worse until it felt like someone had hit me with a prison shiv made out of a sharpened screwdriver and was twisting it around in my gut. My mouth began to water to prepare my upper digestive tubes to reverse the works in short order, though I never did actually puke. It just felt intensely as if I were about to. I remember this feeling from having the flu or sitting on the bathroom floor after a big night out in college. I fought the urge to vomit with every ounce of strength I had---knowing that the peppers would come up with claws sunk deep into every piece of soft tissue all the way from my small intestine to the ends of my nasal canals.
I was getting these pains at 20 minute intervals. 20 minutes on the computer, then the shiv goes in and off I go to the bathroom for 20 minutes of wincing, head hanging, doubled over, fighting stomach spasms and trying to find my quiet place. I did Lamaze when my wife was pregnant with our first little girl. I was doing a little Lamaze here and there and it was working at least a little.
Then the pain was coming and going with such regularity that I stayed for three hours on the throne, alternatively doubled over and fighting it and doing a crossword puzzle from the day's paper that my wife had left in there while waiting for the next round to come.
I shifted my energies to pushing everything out of my system. I drank lots of water, fought the fits, and stayed there until after midnight. I'd been battling this since 7:30pm.
I laid in bed watching Robot Chicken on Adult Swim and not daring to turn on my side yet. Eventually I gave in and sleep grabbed me and tossed me in and out of restful sleep all night. I woke with the alarm clock totally unrested and still knotted in the guts. I called in sick to work. I'm sure they love that one. When I go back tomorrow I imagine plenty of derisive laughter and humble pie. It was my idea to organize the Bhut Jolokia eating in the first place. Wow.
I swear I'm never doing that again.
Though strangely, I remember saying that same phrase over and over as a sort of mantra when I was sitting there on the cold bathroom floor in college after a night of revelry. On many more than one occasion.
I cannot attest to eating a full Bhut, i merely had 3/4 of one at Sawtell R.S.L. much to Marcels delight. He was offering everyone that would listen a Bhut, wandering around with 1/4 box full of these nasties. He asked me through my drunken haze if i would like one, i said no but then for reasons still yet unexplained i grabbed the one he was holding and bit down about 1/2 inch from the top. The heat kicked in about 20 seconds later and all of a sudden i was plunged into a world of pain and torment and everything i looked at appeared hazy, as if i was standing in the middle of a desert seeing the heat haze rise from the ground-that was amazing!
