food Forgive me for I have sinned

texas blues

texas blues

Hey ya'll, the other day at the local hippy joint, (Whole Foods) I saw this stuff. I looked it over and put it back and continued with my shopping. I must have been out of my head or something but the stuff pulled me back like a tractor beam. So last night I get up the courage to try it. I got the cast iron going and sauteed, garlic, onion, pasilla, red bell, and pequins. Got that all happy then broke the weirdness out of the plastic casing, tossed it in the skillet and broke it up. The stuff is already cooked dontcha' know so really all you need to do is heat it up. As I am not working construction anymore, I don't need to carry as much weight around so have replaced meat and carbs with fruits and veggies and quit drinking. (temporary) Rather than a tortilla, I spooned the stuff into a bowl and felt like giving myself a treat so topped it with a little goat cheese. Here's some porn...

Behold! The weirdness...

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Veggie's ain't a bad 'thang...

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Looking pretty good ya'll!

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The verdict:

Well the first bite I was thinking.."hey! not bad!" but as I chewed the stuff up and began to swallow, my enjoyment of this abomination of a concoction began to wane quickly. The spices in the soyrizo were okay and not bad but the texture of the stuff and overall flavor were wanting to say the least. Even the garlic, onion and chiles couldn't save this stuff. The texture was like half cooked cold cream corn without the flavor. The aftertaste of the stuff after finishing the bowl was something akin to the whole red chinese army walking through my mouth barefoot. What a waste of good veggies and goat cheese! In summation, if you see this stuff in the store...RUN!! RUN LIKE HELL!!! I don't know what trust fund dreadlocked, Lord board wearin', spliff smokin', rainbow shirt wearin', burning man festival goer came up with this tripe (sorry tripe, you're soooo much better) but I hope the government doesn't allow them to reproduce or at the very least uses their children for scientific experiments. This is a classic example of why vegans and vegetarians eventually ALL EAT CHICKEN!

Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.
 
Well TB you couldn't have said it better. I've never tried soy anything, except tofu in Japanese dishes where it's supposed to be. You just convinced me why:D

I must say I got a hell of a morning laugh out of your post, thx TB
 
Ask and ye shall receive. 20 lashes!!!!!!!!! I know a vegan chick that's like that because of all the needless suffering...... I'm like wtf?! We are on top of the food chain for a reason. Plus.....if you were a vegan back in the day, which was a wednesday by the way, you would've died or gotten stoned for being a witch. Vegan?! Please.....
 
Always cracks me up that you can get vegetarian versions of meat: mince, bacon, sausages (to name but a few) ... screams "I hate meat but I love the taste ... and texture ... and smell ... and colour ... and" ... just eat meat ffs ;)

¥
 
DamnTB...vegan food? And quitting drinking??
I applaud your attempt at overall health, but somethings up...
You have an upcoming physical exam for a life insurance policy, don't you?!?!

I hear you can plant that sausage in the ground and it will sprout lovely tulips and daffodils, and when they bloom, fairies twinkle out of them, gracing your lawn with the scent of bubble gum.
which is better than what happens when you eat it...colo-rectal fauceting.

I will consume my next busch light in your honor.
 
you are in danger of losing your Tejas status...soy chorizo?...you got to be kidding me right?....

*** opinionated old bastage ain't I ***
 
I looked at the pics and couldn't help thinking how tasty that would have been with real chorizo.

On a side note, don't feel too bad. I have made the what the hell impulse buy from time to time. More times than not, I have had the same results as you.
 
only foo-foo tofu I ever had that was worth swallowing was a locally made soy-sage. Not mass produced. Made is small batches, it had a ton of spices and the texture was pretty close to sausage. But as it happens, the small local company couldn't find a good place to make their product that could handle the heavy equipment and water, so they quit making it.

funny story, TB!
 
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