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Funny Insults

Youre so fat, a picture of you would fall off the wall.

Whats the difference between your mom and a rooster? A rooster says cockle doodle do, your mom says any cock'll do.

Youre sister's arm pits are so hairy, it looks like she has buckwheat in a headlock.

Youre momma's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
 
oldsalty said:
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OH YEA?!? Well I heard you grow Ornamental Dwarf Peter Peppers!
 
I used to work aircraft maintenance: a place where cursing and insults were made to emphasize either incompetence or danger.

I constructed these out of sheer frustration and utilized them for a bit. They did cause a bit of confusion, but the insult emphasis did stick. And it left others speechless. I haven't tested these in any other 'arena'. But in a world where cursing was a second language; variety stung the most, and they are quite ridiculous to hear or say.

'You're a fresh baked loaf of dick-toast!'

'ARG! Piss-whistle!'

'I'm going to whore-punch you in the throat, you little s**t!'

'You're a cross-bred c**k-weiller. You're a pointy eared dick that guards junkyards!'
 
Today at work:
 
I brought some of my homemade beef jerky to my unit's work coordinator. The maintenance engineer asks "Do you have any samplers?". Work coordinator grabs his crotch and says "Yeah, right here!" - I say "There ya go Ricky! That's sample size for sure!"
 
This happened at work earlier. Pretty typical conversation between coworkers there when the bar is full of local friends.

Our flaming gay bartender had a customer needing helped. Customer and I both tried calling him over but he was too busy playing pool to care so I shouted, "Hey bar wench!". That got his attention. He slammed his pool stick down and said, "Next time you call me that I am going to break this stick off in your ass!". I countered with, "Well listen to you all trying to sweet talk me like we're first cousins! Don't be making any romantic gestures that you don't intend on following through with!".
 
:rofl:
Phil said:
Today at work:
 
I brought some of my homemade beef jerky to my unit's work coordinator. The maintenance engineer asks "Do you have any samplers?". Work coordinator grabs his crotch and says "Yeah, right here!" - I say "There ya go Ricky! That's sample size for sure!"
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You're so ugly your mamma tied a pork chop around your neck so the dog would play with you.
 
You're so ugly Funk & Wagnalls has your picture under buff-a-rillar, too big to be a buffalo - too ugly to be a gorilla!
 
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