How to tackle the issue of Return and Satisfaction policy

One of the last few things I need to do to tidy up before the webpage launches next monday is finalize my return policy.  I have a lawyer on retainer who can look over the policies, but I'm curious how YOU handle things like:
 
1) Returns - bought too many / wrong item / gift and can't use, etc
2) Satisfaction - bought and didn't like / unsatisfied with product (heat, performance, appeal
3) General Claims - made me sick, ruined the meal
 
I'm not looking for the "oh well, tough cookies" responses, I'm looking for an actual way to disclaim my products, not be an ass but also not be taken advantage of.  How do you handle the situation when someone bought the wrong item?  How do you handle the situation when someone claims they were completely unsatisfied with a product or it ruined a big meal or picnic with guests?
 
Do you offer another choice?  Return for refund?  Exchange?  Coupon for merch/products in the future?
 
Usually the only time I have to deal with refund or replacement is if something is broken during shipping.  People who buy sauce off a website should have an understanding that they may not like the sauce.  I've never had a customer ask for a refund because they didn't like something.  Never had a customer buy the wrong thing or too many, never had a customer claim it made them sick, and if they dumped too much on a meal without tasting it first....well, never mind what I'd call them.  :lol:
 
Personally, why make it easy for customers to take advantage of you?  If they buy it and it's too hot for their personal tastes...too bad.  You will go broke in a hurry if you offer replacements/refunds for every little complaint.  If you are at a FM, they can taste it right there and decide to buy or not, too hot or not.
 
salsalady said:
Usually the only time I have to deal with refund or replacement is if something is broken during shipping.  People who buy sauce off a website should have an understanding that they may not like the sauce.  I've never had a customer ask for a refund because they didn't like something.  Never had a customer buy the wrong thing or too many, never had a customer claim it made them sick, and if they dumped too much on a meal without tasting it first....well, never mind what I'd call them.  :lol:
 
Personally, why make it easy for customers to take advantage of you?  If they buy it and it's too hot for their personal tastes...too bad.  You will go broke in a hurry if you offer replacements/refunds for every little complaint.  If you are at a FM, they can taste it right there and decide to buy or not, too hot or not.
 
X1000
 
You're setting yourself up if you have lenient policies about over-ordering. 
 
Use you judgement as a consumer - if you bought 10 bottles and meant to buy 5, who's fault was that? Would you ask for a return or an exchange? 
 
SL nailed it - reasonable refund/replacement is for breakage. And even then I will usually ask the customer for a photo (which I need for a claim with the PO)
 
From my own website: 
 
 
Returns Policy

Lucky Dog Hot Sauce Company works tirelessly to ensure that our products are of the highest quality and value to our customers.
 
If our products arrive at their destination damaged, or harmed in any way, please contact Lucky Dog Hot Sauce at luckydoghotsauce@gmail.com to receive more information.
 
Lucky Dog Hot Sauce does not accept returns of hot sauce, and all sales are final.
 
 
 
 
Pretty straightforward
 
I try to handle it on a case-by-case basis. I'd like to learn from each experience, and if it turns out to be an issue with the way the box was packed or with the shipping service, then I can have a take away from it.
 
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