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Shu scale vs Shat scale

Sometimes, the relative heat of a pepper needs to brought into terms we can relate to. I propose replacing the Shu with the SHat:
The Shat has a scale of 1 to 5, and is determined by the time it takes from consuming a pod to the time it take to run to the bathroom:
Shat scale 1: You pop a pod in your mouth and feel like you are in Basking Robbins enjoying an icy cold treat. You feel no effect whatsoever from the pepper.
Shat scale 2: You pop a pod into your mouth and the saliva gets going.. no ill effects and you just get the sniffles, perhaps a tear in the eye. You are looking around the medicine chest to make sure the tums are handy, and making sure there is yogurt in the fridge.
Shat scale 3: You eagerly pop a pod into the mouth and things begin to tingle... you are inhaling more rapidly and your wife/husband  is looking at you funny. Your tummy begins to rumble, and you are beginning to question whether there is toilet paper in the roller.
Shat scale 4: At this point things are beginning to look grim, You pop the pod into your mouth, and suddenly the world goes dark...you reach for your phone and suddenly discover you are talking into your sneaker. You try to run to the bathroom but you feel the poo saying, coming thru! before you reach the toilet. You now have to visit the washing machine. You call into work the next day, with ruptured colon.
Shat scale 5: At this level you know from experience, you should already be sitting on the toilet before attempting this pepper. You know that once you snap into it, one thing is going to happen... Your bowel starts to unravel and physically exits from your body. You hear screaming in the background, you being to see the universe in all it's wisdom, and hear the sirens and feel paddles on your chest. When you wake you find yourself being carried up Mount Everest by a team of Sherpa's to bury you in the snow.
I'm on the one scale, but if I'm chowing down a super pod there is a lot of pain. The only pain I feel is while eating. Not the after math. I'm very lucky to not feel any other pain. No stomach or shatting pain.