And finally...
298. ...you swish your food around in your mouth to spread and/or maximize the burn!
299. when your head explodes and whole body goes up in flames and even your urine burns
300. when you unintentionally pronounce your governor's name as if the pronunciation were identical to that of your favorite food group. (much to the amusement of your listeners). I swear, I'll never think of Lawton Chiles as rhyming with 'tiles' again. What a state! Florida also gave us Claude Pepper.
301. You always save some of the hot chile/garlic sauce in a chinese restuarant for the sorbet dessert. Although if with fellow hotheads ordering more of the sauce becomes a necessity
302. when you pull the plastic stopper out of a bottle of Melinda's XXX because it makes the sauce come out too slow -- and then pop it in your mouth and suck out all the good stuff.
303. You start to follow horses around with a bucket, a spade and a glint in the eye...
304. You've seen jicama/vidalia one time too many
305. You tried Jims Red Savina Bread even after hearing the shrieks and moans of those who tried it before you.
306. Your Name is on the Chile-Heads Listmember Homepage.
307. You got a hug from Firegirl!
308. You have a vague idea what a schmuckendrops is/are.
309. You plan to retire in New Mexico
310. You suffered horribly when the mailing list went down, and were re-subscribed within 2 hours of it's return
311. You bribe your kids to eat chiles, hoping to entice them into the chilehead fold
312. You know how many bottles of hotsauce are carried around in any particular Chileheads car
313. You know you're a chilehead if you are aware that the test of maxims employing the categorical imperative cannot be definitive without presupposing that rational judgment of our maxims has access to all relevant knowledge of El Grande. The probabilistic determination of maxims implies a distinction between the set of actions whose maxim does not correspond to the set of all relevant facts and passes the categorical imperative.
314. Your ICQ number is on the Spicy Food & Dining ICQ List.
315. The anal retentives don't run your favorite mailing list.
316. You know where all the listmembers gardens are located
317. You actually rent (and watch) a really bad movie like "Dumb and Dumber" just because you read somewhere that it contained a scene involving hot sauce or hot peppers
318. When your office-mates get nervous when you exit the restroom smilin'...with tears runnin' down yer face
319. When you detachedly contemplate the nuances of the morning after a hot luck...
320. You know what shrimping is and would consider trying it with salsa.
321. You proudly consider yourself one of the "25 knuckle dragging no-loads" on the list.
322. You carry a bottle of hot sauce in your motorcycle's saddle bags.
323. You are in line at a Chinese buffet and stop at the General Tso's Chicken, pick out a dozen chiles for your meal, and not take any chicken
324. you risk Hunan Eye trying to pour every last speck of the Ass Kickin' Habanero Peanut crumbs into your mouth -- twice!
325. your girlfriend doses your Negra Modelo with El Yucateco and you don't notice- except that the flavor improves!
326. You know you're a ChileHead when you enjoy a good case of anodynia in the morning.
327. You instinctively rub your eyes with your wrists or the back of your hand because you've developed a permanent capsaicin residue on your fingertips
328. You dilute your Daves Insanity with Tabasco
329. You dilute your Tabasco with Daves Insanity
330. You consider using diluted hot sauce spray to keep your cats from eating your Dracaena marginata
331. You run out of Calvin's chile powder before you run out of things to put it on.
332. You did not squirm and cross your legs when reading about having capsaicin instilled by catheter into the overactive bladders of patients with urge incontinence.
333. Your "user dictionary" recognizes "jalapeno", "habanero","chipotle", "chiltepin", ...
334. You object to objections about someone objecting to ads for Tabasco Jeeps.
335. To get a ride to a chilehead dinner you are willing to ride in the back of a Chevy Suburban and risk being crushed by 75 lbs of chipotles should the cargo shift.
336. You save your complimentary round-trip airline ticket to get to the Fiery Food Show in Albuquerque.
337. You forget how many times you've had to type "Albuquerque"
338. when Mcd's New Ad for a Mucho Macho Mcburger with mcsalsa catches your attention as you walk past the TV, and screaming you make a resolution to triple the size of your Chile Plot next year.
339. You get jealous when Rael successfully solicits a marriage proposal to the list and gets multiple responses
340. You've been through at least five "Cilantro Vs. Soap" debates on the mailing list
341. You.ve been through at least three "Why not set up a Chileheads Newsgroup" debates
342. You've seen jicama/vidalia one time too many
343. You've found more non-chile related hangover cures than you'll ever need
344. You become deleriously happy when you find adult lacewings lurking amongst your chile plants
345. You have posted a request for 4 metric tons of capsaicin solution.
346. You have engaged in knock-down drag-out flame wars over the ingredients in your bug spray.
347. You engage in serious studied debate as to the best type of pee to use to repel critters from your chile patch
348. You have the equivalent of a masters degree in the knowledge of the conditions underwhich botulin will grow.
349. You've sought grief counselling over the news of the problems with the 1999 Hatch chile crop.
350. You can recite the timeline of the ownership of Chile Pepper Magazine from memory.
351. You are willing to admit that you mistook double strenth capsaisin pain paste for a jock itch remedy, and go into some detail about the repercussions.
352. You are proud to be considered a Knuckle Dragging Neurotic on the list, and are upset when you were not sent an insulting, obscenity laced personal email proclaiming it so.
353. You have a computer in the kitchen and suffer from Hunan Keyboard.
354. the raccoons knock over all the trash cans on your street, but leave yours alone.
355. You _intentionally_ threw soaked hab powder onto the sauna oven.
356. 2 days after making your favorite Hab based sauce, where you washed your hands twice before making out the grocery list, your wife, pen sucker extraordinaire, starts screaming "What did you do to my F*$%^&* Pen?!?!"
357. You buy a second refrigerator to hold all your sauce bottles so you can fit in a turkey for the family at Christmas.
358. you don't get Hunan Hand anymore, since you hand roast all of your Anaheims, Jalapenos, and Poblanos on the grill in the back yard.
359. you've ever walked around the house with sour cream on your eyelids to counteract the burn (from forgetting that your hands no longer feel the heat!)
360. you've made gravlax (Swedish salted salmon) with hab powder.
361. You can rant for days as to whether or not genetically modified corn can kill butterflies .
362. Your seed starting instructions are:
1. fill starting trays with soil, add seeds, add water
2. look for signs of growth
3. put tray in warm location
4. look for signs of growth
5. make dinner
6. return to seed tray; look for signs of growth
7. repeat step 6 every 10 minutes for approx. 10 days
8. jump for joy at first sign of growth
9. post news of first sign of growth to list
10. return to tray to make sure plants are still growing
11. repeat step 10
12. repeat step 11
