The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[Deathtosnails]

Hot dang SL!!! That looks TASTY :drool: I love brined and bbq/roasted chicken. That's a great list of brining ingreds too. Never would have gone that way myself. Def. gonna try this one out on the weekend!

 

[salsalady]

definitely try it!

The Sunset recipe is great, but I used a little different method than what they said.

I put all the brine ingredients into 1 qt of water, brought to boil then added 2 qts cold water. I thought that would get the flavor out of the brine ingredients better than adding dry chiles and herbs to lukewarm water.

And it was suggested in the Sunset recipe to put the bird on a "V" rack in the roasting pan to get crispy skin all the way around. I didn't have a "V" rack so the bird went straight into the pan. Missed out on a little crispy skin on the bottom, but the taste was fantastic.

The Sunset recipe also has an Asian brine on the same page as the Mexican brine.

 

[midwestchilehead]

I'm a big fan of the brine. I use it every time I cook chicken, turkey or pork now. Good job!

Your sauces arrived today! I haven't tried them yet, but will try some on my breakfast burrito in the a.m. Thanks for the dip mix!

 

[salsalady]

You're welcome, Midwest. (make the dip a day ahead for best flavor!)

Brining Pork! Now that sounds gooood! One of the biggest gripes I have about pork roasts is that the insides don't get a whole lot of flavor into the meat, hence the usual remedy of drowning the pork roast slices in gravy or something. I bet brining would be just the ticket!

 

[midwestchilehead]

Yeah, every time I smoke a pork butt, I brine overnight in Alton Brown's brine - 1 gal. water, 2 cups kosher salt and 8 oz. molasses. It imparts incredible tenderness and juiciness, and helps your rub stick to the outside. It's the only way to go since pork is so lean these days.

Tried your Ghost Fire sauce this a.m. Very tasty! Love the smoky flavor and a nice burn.

Brining Pork! Now that sounds gooood! One of the biggest gripes I have about pork roasts is that the insides don't get a whole lot of flavor into the meat, hence the usual remedy of drowning the pork roast slices in gravy or something. I bet brining would be just the ticket!

 

[chilehunter]

There was food in that - I got caught up in reading

I thought the same thing, good to see the hen in that position after reading that

SL - great looking bird ya made there, love the crispy skin.

 

[salsalady]

Well, I'm glad y'all have a sense of humor around here. It's fun to add a little spice to the posts now and then.

 

[Davez Foodz]

Hey, anyone wanna see some skin?!??


Gather together the tools of passion, anticipating the joy that is soon to be.

Preparing the bath. Relax, it will be wonderful! You know the body has been destined for this, it's only a matter of time before the body and the brine are joined together in salty bliss. (sea salt brine, lime zest, chiles, garlic, oregano, lime juice, pineapple juice concentrate) Slowly build up the heat until the brine is on the brink of boiling. Then pull back the heat. Cool with more cold water, you don't want the body to get too hot too soon.

Next, rid the body of all excess trimmings, get down to the naked beauty of skin and meat. Don't be shy, enjoy looking at the beautiful specimen!

Now, slowly immerse the body into the salty goodness. Gently swirl it all around, inside and out, making sure the spices caress every nook and cranny. Then plunge it deeper and deeper, until the whole body is lost under the weight of a bowl, drowning with seasonings.

After 8 hours of chilled briny bliss, gently dry the skin and thoroughly massage the skin with olive oil. Slowly, rubbing back and forth, the glistening skin over the relaxed muscles, full of flavor and heat, prepared for it's final fiery explosion. Dust with red hot passion peppers and then push it over the brink into the blazing inferno of the oven.

Aaaahhhh!

WOW! That was good!

Wow!!!! Total AWESOMENESS!!!

 

[paulky_2000]

HOT CHICK!!!

I vote you make soup with the leftovers!!

 

[EatingOutFresno]

Nummy lookin! Now I got the urge to drown me a bird overnight.

 

[salsalady]

Pauly, no leftovers from that bird for soup! We ate half straight out of the oven for dinner, and the rest the next day for lunch.

Already have a chick in the refer for this weekend, gonna drown another bird. Might save some for soup outa this one.

 

[geeme]

An excerpt from CookWise by Shirley O. Corriher, for those interested in some of the more detailed aspects:

Water can flow in and out of cells, and normally it flows through cell walls toward the most strongly concentrated solution in the cells or tissues. When you rub salt on the surface of meat, the salt dissolves in the meat juices to produce a concentrated solution that draws moisture out of the meat cells.

To dry meat, thin strips are rubbed with salt and placed in the sun. The moisture that the salt draws from the meat is evaporated as it is drawn out, and the salt continues to draw more moisture from the meat and thus dry it.

However, if the water were not evaporating from the surface, the salt water on the surface would become diluted by the moisture. Soon the concentration outside the cell walls would be less concentrated than the liquid in the meat cell, so the salt water would flow into the cell. Meat cells contain a lot of water, but it is water that is bound and held by the proteins. Actually the free liquid in meat cells is very concentrated with dissolved substances.

This means that even concentrated solutions of salt water or salt and sugar water will be less concentrated than the liquid inside the meat cells. So, when the meat is soaked in a salt or sugar solution, some of the liquid will go through the cell walls into the cells. Brining is a way to increase the amount of liquid inside the meat cells - - a way to make meat juicier.

 

[JayT]

So, in other words, Brine = Good.

Since I was unable to participate in the throwdown last weekend, but had already purchased the ingredients for it, I decided to make it anyway and post it here for you. For anyone who has never had gumbo, this is a simple guide to one of the tastiest bowls you will ever eat.

First I start by browning some sausage and chicken and removing with slotted spoon.

Next I pour in equal parts flour and oil and begin stirring to make a roux.

Chopped up The Trinity, celery, onion, and bell pepper.

Stir the roux, stir the roux, stir the roux

Still stirring, getting close now

After about a half hour of constant stirring, it is time to add The Trinity, some cayenne, garlic, sea salt, white pepper, black pepper, thyme, and bay leaves. After that all cooks together for 3-4 minutes, it's time to add a beer. Usually I use a dark beer, but whatever is on hand will do.

I also add a quart of chicken stock and a pint of beef stock and stir until everything is well combined.

At this point I start to add the File powder to taste and check the seasoning before letting it simmer for an hour and a half. Next, it's time for the okra, parsley, and the shrimp.

You can either serve this with a big spoonful of white rice over top, or as I usually do by just adding a cup of rice to the pot. Now it looks like this.

A bowl of Cajun Heaven!

 

[paulky_2000]

YAY GUMBO!!!!!!

 

[JayT]

Oh what the hell, while I'm on a cajun kick, here's a bonus, blackened chicken sandwiches.

 

[paulky_2000]

Good Googly-Moogly, Jay.....

You eat dat all by yourself????

Sweet looking grubbage!!

 

[JayT]

I shared the gumbo, but not the chix. I made the gumbo a couple days ago and am just now getting around to the pics.

 

[wheebz]

i miss your gumbo

 

[geeme]

So, in other words, Brine = Good.

Yeppers. And now you know why.

A bowl of Cajun Heaven!

More awesomeness! And the blackened chix look amazing.

 

[texas blues]

Screw teh gumbo. When Jay came down to teh big dry ditch I threw some skirt steak at him and told him he could do what he wished with it. He slapped together some ingredients from my pantry, marinaded the skirt, then later grilled it and 'Lawd have mercy. I was going to do the whole tortilla, avo, onions etc. 'thang for fajita's but it was so good what he done that we just sliced it on the cutting board and ate it right there. The man flat out knows how to cook. There's a reason he's got 3 crowns and it ain't photography.

One final note..we drank like sailors on payday and when it was time to take him back to his hotel, mrs. blues poured both me and Jay into her truck and we took his drunk ass home. If I recall correctly, he hooked up afterwards with some of his PA work bros and continued to party til the wee wee hours. Man can out b.s. me. Out cook me. And sure as hell out drink me. Most likely out "hot me"...but I'll fo' 'sho catch more fish than him.....Jay I salute you sir!