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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
Don't worry. I'm sure Bear will show up sometime soon!!
He got into a little brush with the law, but he'll be back before you can say "Public Intoxication".
Is the Department of Fish and Wildlife trying to re-locate the bear? :lol:

Your bear should learn from THIS bear-
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2004-08-18-beer-bear_x.htm
True Story!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz-WuLQz_ns
 
OMG SL! I haven't seen that one in years! Very funny news clip, I can remember when RB was a good beer before they sold the label and stopped brewing it in Seattle.

How about the ORIGINAL beer frogs!

 
Yea, Walt, Rainier had some good ads, and the story about the drunk bear still cracks me up.
 
I graduated from High School in Tacoma and concur. Rainer was a good beer. Olympia though.....
Glad they never made a Pale Ale

Cheers, :beer:
 
right on, Rocketman. At least the weather is better out there on the other side of the country.



Bear? What Beer?


Raaaaaiiiiii- niiiiiiiieeeeeeeerrrrrr Beeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!
 
LOL!!!

I don't remember ANYTHING about that night!!!!! (must've been fun!!)

I keep having nightmares about a large mammal holding me by the back of the neck screaming, "Who's your grizzly? Who's your grizzly?!!!!!"

Shit, I need a cold shower and a fetal position!!
 
Bear makes me want to buy a house in Marathon. I love bear. Not in a gay way though. If he's that "way' then cool. I don't roll that way though.
 
Naw, he's not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
He just has a very active libido. Any port in a storm, right?

Dude, Marathon should make you want to buy a house in Marathon!! That place is dope!

Hit the keys bro, I'll make a trip too, we can hit a party boat and do some fishing!!!!
 
Just to start out by saying I have never heard that "any port in the storm" applied that way. I will use it in the very near future.

So it has been a bit since I posted here, probably close to eight months. I have been lurking. Anyways, last year the girlfriend left town for a bit and I got to cooking food I wanted. This year the same has just happened, so apart from a sprained ankle making the alcohol taste better, I hobbled about the kitchen.

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Started with a little fixin's

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A little homebrew and prepping

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What my girlfriend calls jerky mushrooms, I like to call them desiccated bits of delicious fried mushroom essence that aren't rubbery and slippery.

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The "final" product. Hard to make a burrito on a plate look like more than a tortilla, so I lined up the ingredients before rolling. Up front is the salsa, then the homemade black beans, the sauteed shrimps, the spanish style rice and finished off with my pepper, mushroom, onion and corn hash. Featuring a local summer beverage in the background.

I also wanted to mention that I used homegrown onions and lemons along with them homemade beans and rice. First time I ever grew onions! They are kinda like zuchini, any idiot can do it if you have some space.

Cheers
 
Nice job matt!!!

No cheese...noted. I don't like shrimp with cheese!!! Even on pizza or a quesadilla.

That looks great. welcome back!! Keep posting!!
 
aw, Sheesh, Matt!

Now I have to clean the slobber off the monitor! That looks and sounds wonderful. Especially since I'm starving right now.



Just a side note on your pics, If you are using photobucket, you can reset the import image size to a larger size. Bigger pics= more drool~ :)

Keep up the good work, the girlfriend will eventually be assimilated into the chile pepper continuum.
 
The next steps

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and listening to Pandora, featuring The Section Quartet, No One Knows. Strings to a little Queens of the Stonage. Or is it now a little groovy dance discoesque music from the Swedish left-Coast by Plej? Who can tell...
 
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