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outdoors A beautiful fishing story. well kinda.

hogleg

hogleg

 takes place in the early 80s:
 
Ray was a fisherman and a bodyguard for one of biggest smugglers norcal had ever seen. Ray could grab a man by the wrist and throw him twenty feet across the room. He was thorough to say the least.
 
One morning Ray is down at the dock waiting on his friend Richard to show up to help him do a commercial salmon trip. As usual Richard is late and from the look of his pupils he is frying balls on LSD.
Ray says "do you know what time it is... and what the hell is wrong with you, why don't you stop f**king smiling so hard and get in the damn boat!" "But Ray I have been rolling around in the tall grass with the most beautiful hippie girl all night on Jollyhill." " You should have seen her Ray... you should have seen the stars last night, Ray." Moments later they're motoring out of the harbor. " Ray look... look at that seal its like he's smiling like he's happy ray. Look ray he's beautiful." "What the f**k! Richard will you just keep tying those rigs." " Damn seal's lucky I don't throw a bomb at it. THEY STEAL A GOOD CHUNK OF OUR CATCH, RICHARD." A couple miles out they start reading some fish and slow to a crawl to get the lines out. Again "Ray look... look at that seagull. Look how smooth he's flying... he's beautiful Ray look at him.
As if on cue the seagull flies right up to the boat. Richard points up at the seagull."Check him out, Ray"
And from fifteen feet above the seagull shits directly on Richard's face.
"Oh my gawd! Richard... that is f**king Beautiful!!!" Ray almost fell out of the boat laughing.
 
 
 
                      I have had the pleasure to fish with Ray.
                      And get a great story every time.
                     
                                                                                                                     HOGLEG
 
The guys name isn't Richard. to protect the guilty.
 
and no I'm not Richard thankfully.
 
Thanks for the likes and comments. I may tell another story some time when i get home drunk late one night again.
 
Ray is certain, if you see a man in a kayak in salt water in California. He is a gay freshly out of the closet
from Idaho.      lol...lol!  I don't know where he gets this shit but its priceless.
 
   (sorry kayakers, sorry Idaho, sorry rainbow people.)
 
The seal is smiling. :rofl:
 
Here is a true story that happened to me...
I was out fishing one day in Puget Sound. We only had one down rigger on the boat so I was using a Deep Six. All of a sudden my pole bent and the reel was spinning. I grabbed the pole and started fighting. Then the weirdest thing happened, The line shout towards the rear of the boat and kept going. About 200 feet out, my line came out of the water. A Sea Lion had my Silver in his mouth, eating it like corn on the cob laughing his ass off (I know he was). I jerked and tugged but couldn't get my fish out of his dirty little paws. bastage!
 
I got more stories too. LOL but you keep going!
 
Here is another one for you - Reminds me of a fishing trip on the Zambezi for tiger fish with my old man, baits are in water and we are drifting down river. I get a hit and my line is being stripped of the reel. Its not fast enough to be a tiger fish though, this was too slow and steady. We fire up the motor and start slowly tracking back up river to reclaim some line. A hippo gets up out the water onto the far back and I'd hooked him in the ass. that was the best 200 metres of line I ever lost - gives a whole new meaning to catch and release
 
Here's mine.

After the maiden voyage on my friends new boat, we stopped off on the way home to refill the boat with fuel. It was summer and the petrol station was full. So after waiting our turn we pull in to the bowser. Being the courteous friend I am I begin filling the 200 litre tank with fuel. As this was the first time either of us had filled the boat we were unaware that if the tank was filled too fast it would become pressurized and "blow back" or squirt fuel back out of the filler. And that it did, infact it went all over me!!

Wait it gets better.....

While I had been filling up I had been chatting to a fellow fisherman about to fill his boat with fuel. When he saw me get covered in fuel, he had a chuckle and asked me if I was a smoker and if I wanted a light (ha, ha).

Anyway, after my drenching I continued to talk to the fisherman. Soon after I saw a liquid draining onto the ground at the back of his boat. So I pointed it out to him and asked if it was coming from his boat. To which he replied a smug "no" and continued to fill his boat. After 30sec or so his curiosity about this liquid got the better of him and he checked his boats fuel filler. It turns out that his boats fuel filler is located right next to one of his rod holders. Thats correct, he had been filling up the inside of his boat from his rod holder for a constant 5min or more!!!!!!!

I told him "now I don't feel so bad"!!



Cheers......
 
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
i cant find the video of her stand up but reminded me of a joke tammy pascetelli tells about her crazy uncle being shit on at a baseball game... hysterical
 
**Disclaimer** The following is not to be construed as coming from an official representative of any police agency or law enforcement body. It is a recollection of events as best to the knowledge of the author. Further clarification should be sought through official means.
 
In the late 1990’s or early 2000’s, a story from the greater Charleston, SC area would see national fame, even covered in the infamous National Enquirer.
It was the infancy of the internet and “chat rooms” had emerged to be a popular endeavor for folks around the world. This is the setting for the story.
 
There was a woman (mid/late 60’s) who was somewhat obese and haggard looking. She lived in an area of Charleston county known as Ladson. She had a small house in a run-down subdivision and rented a room to an even older gentleman who could in not so many words be described as a “drunk.”
 
The woman had discovered the internet and spent many hours daily in “chat rooms.” She had a little income via govt. checks, but the income from the renter was woven in to the budget and very depended upon.
 
The woman becomes infatuated with a guy from England via the chat rooms. In fact, she “falls in love” with him. For many months the two “chat” and develop a relationship. The woman sends him a picture of herself from decades before in scant dress, where she is very slim, young and fairly attractive. The English gent (I believe was a garage mechanic who had never ventured far from home) gets the photo of this woman and is hooked. He too, is “in love.” So, he begins to save his money to come to America and meet this lovely woman he has fallen for.
 
During this time as the dude was saving his money, the old renter dies in the home. A natural death. The woman discovers the dead guy and is confused on what to do. If she reports it, she loses income. Her “boyfriend” is planning a trip and she really needs the money. So, she decides that she would cut up the dead man and dispose of the pieces. This way, no one would be the wiser and the old man’s “checks” would keep on coming.
 
She puts him in the bathtub to help contain the mess from cutting. She takes a hacksaw and attempts to cut off the legs. The scene is more than she can handle, she just can’t do it. Now what? She calls up a local “rent to own” appliance store, has them deliver a chest freezer and set it up inside the garage. Afterwards, she puts the dead guy in the freezer, closes the lid and never again opens it.
Meantime, English dude is still on the hook, the chats and planning continue. The checks keep coming and the lady cashes them, more money than she had before. Life is good.
 
So, the big trip finally comes. The guy buys an expensive round trip ticket to come to Charleston, SC. The lady meets him at the airport. When they meet, the poor dude realizes he’s been had. She looks nothing like the picture he had been fawning over for so long. Yet here he was, bound by the dates on his ticket. He was stuck – hard. So, he figures he’d make the best of it (didn’t really have other options.) He stayed at the house with the woman, counting time when he could leave.
 
At some point over many drinks, the woman tells the dude about the dead guy in the freezer. Now this poor chap is in way over his head. Doesn’t have a clue. He just wants to go home.
 
The old guy, even though he’d lived “pillar to post” for many years, would still maintain periodic contact with some relatives. Of course, after his death, the contacts ceased. The family filed a missing person’s report with the police agency that had jurisdiction at the address they last knew him to be. This police agency discovered that he was still receiving govt. benefit checks at the lady’s address in (my) jurisdiction.
 
So, one particular day, the police detectives sought assistance in going to the residence to inquire about the missing man. As luck would have it, the lady had gone to the store for cigarettes and beer and left the English guy there alone. A knock at the door found the English guy staring at a number of cops in different dress. Before any questions could be asked, he states rather matter-of-factly “you’re here about the old chap in the freezer.” The policemen were of course puzzled. He went on to explain that there was a dead dude inside a freezer in the garage. A search warrant was obtained, the English guy was detained and the old lady was also taken into custody when she got home.
 
The home was searched. The guy was found in the freezer. Cuts on the legs looked like murder. At first it looked like some weird love triangle. One lover now out. It took days for the body to thaw for an autopsy. The English guy was grilled heavily, never strayed from the story. A hapless sap if ever there was. It was truly sad for this guy. I can’t imagine his “going to America” story when he returned to England.
 
The lady fessed up straight away. She was charged (after the autopsy) with “unlawful disposing of a human body” and “fraud” in regard to the checks.
 
Off-the-cuff from memory as I now sit.
 
Ever since, I have always been a bit leery about folks on the internet. Are they actually who they say they are? Do they have multiple identities? It’s hard to know for sure. Have fun, but be cautious.
 
 
Went fishing with my Dad for blackmouth Salmon in the early 90's

Dad scored a good deal on a cigarette low profile welcraft made for high speed lake fishing and decided to outfit with down riggers etc for fishing Puget sound.

We left Bellingham bay and with the throttle pegged we were flying across the bay at mach speed on a once in a lifetime FLAT CALM no wind ride.

In the distance a few miles away we could see our destination about 30 mins away and a couple ocean cargo tankers headed in the direction of Japan.

I took this time to begin setting up 10lb cannon balls of lead for the down riggers...setting up leaders, flashers etc.

Just as I happened to look forward I see a 5' wave just 1-2 seconds in front of us..(the wake caused from outbound ocean liner)

Next thing I know we are 15' in the air almost verticle....cannon balls are suspended mid air about 4' off the deck when he hit hard landing on the back end throttle still wide open.

Dad held on the steering which had turned hard to one side as he was jerked out of his seat and just hanging on....as we landed the boat again launched us but now at a 90 degree angle from the first launch and now we are in the latter waves still coming from the liners.


Was able to hit the emergency shut off...a few damaged knees elbows and pride and two large spider cracks in the gel coat from this 10lb balls falling back on the deck.

Last time that boat saw saltwater.
 
Hogleg,
 
Here is the Jeffery Dahmer story the public has never been told.
 
As a career cop and a former board member of the Fraternal Order of Police, it has allowed me the opportunity to meet other cops from around the nation and many other countries. On one such occasion I met one of the crime scene policeman who worked the infamous Dahmer case (the cannibal killer.)
 
In a bar at a convention, we discussed of course “our work.” When it came up that he had worked the Dahmer case, I was fascinated. He was a bit loose from drink and I wouldn’t dare betray him by giving his name, but I will share some details that he disclosed.
 
I knew only what the public knew. What was in the news. But hearing it from a firsthand source offers a different perspective. He told me about his apartment, how things were arranged. The drawings, the notes and diary entries. It was mind boggling.
 
Then of course his freezers, where he kept various body parts of his victims. He would keep different body parts from different victims, I don’t know why this was kept from the public. What parts from whom etc?..  During interrogation it was revealed that he actually gave names to the dishes he made with the parts. I don’t recall exactly the names (I was drinking too) but it went something like this:  “Roast of William with potatoes,” “Foot of Terry scampi” and etc.. sick stuff
 
But, it was discovered in the freezer on the refrigerator (not the chest freezer) that there were two Ziploc bags that had the severed noses of his victims. The only body parts alike that he saved from all his victims. This detail baffled the investigators. Why the noses? Why the aberration from the others?
After hours of grilling he finally cracked. He revealed that he used the noses for toppings on pizza. Man that is sick. When asked what he called this dish, he finally confessed “Dahmer nose pizza.”
 
 
Couldn't stand it any longer, gotta fess up lest I get quoted somewhere and end up in the IA chair. The Dahmer story is a parody, an old police joke. "Dahmer nose pizza"  (Domino's Pizza)  ;)  Thanks to those who caught it and didn't blow it. Would've gone longer but these are precarious times for folks like myself, don't need anymore drama than I already have..... :shocked:
 
I once had a friend I hadn't seen in years.
 
He showed up at the bar I was at one night.
 
He had one eye and a patch.
 
Dressed like a pirate and with a peg leg.
 
And a hook on one hand.
 
I asked him about the peg leg.
 
"I fell overboard in the Straits of Formosa and a tiger shark bit off my leg.
 
I asked him about him about the hook and his missing hand.
 
"We we're raided by a band of scalawags and lost my hand in a sword fight."
 
"That's why I have this hook."
 
I asked him about the eyepatch and his missing eye.
 
"We were sailing in the south seas."
 
"And the seagulls were flying above us."
 
"One of them crapped and it landed in my eye."
 
I asked him why some seagull crap would make him blind.
 
"That was the first day with my new hook."
 
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