Poor taste...bhut what the hell:
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph
suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank straight to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic she acted
immediately.
She ordered Edna to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered Edna to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the
news she said,
'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being
discharged.
You were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving
the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. But there is
some bad news.
Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after
you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead. Edna replied,
'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?
############
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy
to secretly have the child.
Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also
provide child support until
the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.’
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,
and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce
########
[SIZE=13.5pt]During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]"Students, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!![/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Teacher: "What about you Peter? How would you say it?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper.”[/SIZE]