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Get Your Sh*t Together

robbie

robbie

My uncle recently died and I am the next closest young and sane
relative. Much responsibility has suddenly befallen the wife and I
over the past few days, made all the more difficult by the fact that
he and my grandmother, who he lived with and cared for, were hoard-
ers but hoarded seemingly everything but insurance paperwork or a
will or anything that would help to streamline this quite convoluted
process and figure out how we can get him buried.

It made Amy and I realize how woefully unprepared we are for one of
us to pass unexpectedly. We definitely plan to get our wills done, our
insurance paperwork and other such important stuff all in one central
location and plans for cremation, etc. I would urge you all to do the
same. I don't want anyone else to have to take time off work to do
a bunch of bullshit paperwork. I still have to take Monday off to go
get Power of Attorney over my uncle's estate. Then I have to find out
how to sell it and put my grandmother in a nursing home.

We found one of his few insurance policies, cashed in all the coins we
found in their house, sold some silver at weight and took family dona-
tions and I still had to pay out of pocket today for embalming, etc as
my grandmother unfortunately absolutely will not hear of having him
cremated. Following that, the funeral home asked me when we'd pay
the $1,400 for burial! I said "God damn! 1,400 more dollars? You can
just keep his dead ass!" but that's apparently not an option.

So yeah, please make things easier for those you leave behind. Have
plans for what your survivors should do following your unexpected de-
mise and make sure it's all paid for. Someone who is already grieving
shouldn't be forced to deal with and pay for additional complications.
 
Thank you for reading this and I hope it all makes sense. I've of course
had a few drinks...
 
I am with you 100% A few years back I had a 2 year court battle with my shit-head uncle over my dad's estate. He was just vindictive, and it cost everyone a bunch of money. I am in WA, my uncle is in CA and court was in Idaho. Real nice. My dad had a Will, and he basically had everything doled out where it should go but for some reason my uncle saw loopholes and wanted to test them. He lost.

Point being, the rest of my and my wife's family watched us go through all of that and we didn't really need to beg them to get THEIR shit together. And my wife's family has step siblings so they saw how sticky that could become if nothing was in writing. They got their shit together! My mom, same thing and her cremation process was specified and paid for long before she died. It made everything very easy and comforting.

And yeah, when my mother in-law died, we went to the crematorium and they wanted us to buy caskets that were $5000 and up. Cherry wood this and brass plated that. That prick made us feel like crap for choosing the "cardboard box" for $1600. She is going to be cremated for crap sakes! It was a number of years ago when we were young and poor, but they wouldn't release her ashes until the $1600 was paid off. I get that part I guess, but it took us almost a year to get her mom's ashes.

Sorry Robbie you are going thru this, I know what you are going thru and it sucks. It might sound cliché but it does get better.
 
Valuable thread.  Message would get out better, I think, with a more descriptive title, maybe adding something like, ": End-of-Life-Plans or prefacing with, "Final Directives: . . . ".
 
 
we have been there done that.. preplanning is the key. we bought grandmas coffin, a real nice one, for about $1200.00 3 yrs before she passed. we also preplannedand pre paid the grave site and memorial ceremony, because we did that they gave us a huge discount because essentially they got our cash interest free for about 2 yrs.
 
My wife works for a probate attorney, and you seriously haven't seen the worst of humanity until you have seen the scumbags fighting for their dead relatives money and possessions. 
 
It seems to get worse the more money someone has, the more cockroaches come out trying to claim some part of it. It could easily make you lose all faith in humanity. 
 
They even had a woman in her late 60's claiming to be the daughter of a dead man in his 70's. The judge said, "Are you claiming that he fathered you when he was 9 years old?" The woman then said that " He was 'like' a father to me." WTH?
 
My parents have always said to us kids... "don't plan on getting anything, we're spending it all before we go". 
 
Well, they haven't done a very good job of accomplishing that, but they have living trusts and stuff in place for the last 20+ years.  I've glanced at it and let my siblings deal with the details.  I plan on finding out they gave everything to a charity so it'd be all good either way.   
 
Good luck as you work through all the headaches.  I hope it comes together for you.
 
 
Side note- if you'd like to edit the title of the thread (seeing as there are many kids that are members)  you can click on the original post, click "use full editor" and there you can edit the Title etc.
 
I took a very simple route.
 
I made Retta my POA.....and left everything to HER in my will. That way, she can distribute my death benefits and assets to my children as she sees fit to do so.
 
No fuss....no fighting...and no confusion as to who runs the show.
 
Even with planning and lawyers, it is still a bugger.
Wife's boss died unexpectedly, she found his almost dead when she arrived at work, and was there when they called him deceased.
 
Didn't have much of anything, all legally tied up in trusts---even his house and most everything in it.
Kept meticulous records, and had cash in a safe for emergencies.
 
Didn't leave squat to anyone, except the procedes of the trusts for his grandchildren's education. (Of which my wife is the trustee)
 
All legal, all paperwork clearly stated and clear.
 
More than a month gone, and she still needs to drive 500 miles round trip to see lawyers, banks, and accountants at least once a month from here on out 6 more years till the trust is quit. Logged about 6k miles since his passing.
 
At least we had a couple thousand$$$$ to spare until reimbursement could be authorised, and he had it accessable.
 
gotrox- that brings up a good point for estate planning.  If the executor/trustee has to travel or has other expenses, that might be something to address in the documents.  
 
Death ain't easy. Trust. 5 under the belt. And they were close.
 
Still have my bro's ashes. He's hangin' with awesome as long as possible.
 
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