Help! Text/grammer help needed

salsalady

salsalady

eXtreme Business
I'm working on text for the new Pure Evil website.  Here's "our story".  I think I'm mixing up persons by saying "Ann did this"  and then saying "we did that" .  Suggestions appreciated.
 
 
 
 
Our Story
The Beginning
Back in the early 1990’s, John and Ann lived in Sedro-Woolley, WA, about 70 miles north of Seattle.  Each fall, Ann would get together with a friend, and can a whole bunch of salsa for our families for the winter. John would take jars of the salsa to work on large construction projects and let the other guys on the crew taste the salsa. Pretty soon they were stealing the jars of salsa out of his lunch box.  By the time spring rolled around, Ann was playing around with making a fresh salsa based on the canned salsa recipe and doing some test marketing.
We got licensed, found a kitchen to use, got into a farmer’s market, and soon the salsa was in 5 local grocery stores. And that’s how it continued until-
The Big Move
In 1998, we decided to move to north central Washington.  Ann took a year off from making salsa after moving. But soon the call of the peppers got to her and she was back at it using a local shared-use kitchen, selling at the farmer’s market and then in the local stores.  Over the next 10 years, several award winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup and in 2006, we built a commercial kitchen at our home. 
Our latest creation is the Pure Evil line of capsaicin drops. A totally revolutionary product that is going literally around the world.  From 1.5 million SHU to 13 million, Pure Evil Capsaicin Drops are the purest and hottest creation available.
Thank you for your interest in Pure Evil Products!
 
SUGGESTIONS?
 
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Our Story

The Beginning

Back in the early 1990’s, John and Ann lived in Sedro-Woolley, WA, about 70 miles north of Seattle.  Each fall, Ann would get together with a friend, and can a whole bunch of salsa for our families for the winter. John would take jars of the salsa to work on large construction projects and let the other guys on the crew taste the salsa. Pretty soon they were stealing the jars of salsa out of his lunch box.  By the time spring rolled around, Ann was playing around with making a fresh salsa based on the canned salsa recipe and doing some test marketing.

(They) got licensed, found a kitchen to use, got into a farmer’s market, and soon the salsa was in 5 local grocery stores. And that’s how it continued until-

The Big Move

In 1998, (They) decided to move to north central Washington.  Ann took a year off from making salsa after moving. But soon the call of the peppers got to her and she was back at it using a local shared-use kitchen, selling at the farmer’s market and then in the local stores.  Over the next 10 years, several award winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup and in 2006,  ( ) built a commercial kitchen at (their) home.

(Their) latest creation is the Pure Evil line of capsaicin drops. A totally revolutionary product that is going literally around the world.  From 1.5 million SHU to 13 million, Pure Evil Capsaicin Drops are the purest and hottest creation available.

Thank you for your interest in Pure Evil Products!
 
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If you are wanting to keep it all in the third person (ie. John and Ann) should probably use "they" and "their" instead of  "we" and "our" - as amended above in the () along with the removal of "we" in the blank () before building the commercial kitchen.
 
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I like first person stories they are more intimate. Third person is good for press releases and articles on you but this is your voice because it is your website.

I don't want to feel detached so say WE started, etc. Change it all to first person. My opinion.
 
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The Hot Pepper said:
I like first person stories they are more intimate. Third person is good for press releases and articles on you but this is your voice because it is your website.

I don't want to feel detached so say WE started, etc. Change it all to first person. My opinion.
Click to expand...
Yeah, what he said....
Also, you might want to capitalize on the fact that PE is not an extract somewhere in that last paragraph.
 
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OK- thanks for the comments.  First person, with names somewhere....
 
I figured I had it mixed up.
 
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tctenten said:
I agree with the boss. Maybe up where it says "Our Story" you can put your names up there and then go with first person narrative.
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+1 - something like :
 
 
Our Story ( aka : The Story of Ann and John )

The Beginning

Back in the early 1990’s, John and (I) lived in Sedro-Woolley, WA, about 70 miles north of Seattle.  Each fall, I would get together with a friend, and can a whole bunch of salsa for our families for the winter. John would take jars of the salsa to work on large construction projects and let the other guys on the crew taste the salsa. Pretty soon they were stealing the jars of salsa out of his lunch box.  By the time spring rolled around, (I) was playing around with making a fresh salsa based on the canned salsa recipe and doing some test marketing.

(We) got licensed, found a kitchen to use, got into a farmer’s market, and soon the salsa was in 5 local grocery stores. And that’s how it continued until-

The Big Move

In 1998, ( We ) decided to move to north central Washington.  I took a year off from making salsa after moving. But soon the call of the peppers got to (me) and (I) was back at it using a local shared-use kitchen, selling at the farmer’s market and then in the local stores.  Over the next 10 years, several award winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup and in 2006,  ( ) built a commercial kitchen at (our) home.

(Our) latest creation is the Pure Evil line of capsaicin drops. A totally revolutionary product that is going literally around the world.  From 1.5 million SHU to 13 million, Pure Evil Capsaicin Drops are the purest and hottest creation available.

Thank you for your interest in ( Our ) Pure Evil Products!
Click to expand...
 
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[SIZE=medium]Our Story[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]The Beginning[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]Back in the early 1990’s, John and I  lived in Sedro-Woolley, WA, about 70 miles north of Seattle. [/SIZE] [SIZE=medium]Each fall, I would get together with a friend, and can a whole bunch of salsa for our families for the winter. John would take jars of the salsa to work on large construction projects and let the other guys on the crew taste the salsa. Pretty soon they were stealing the jars of salsa out of his lunch box.[/SIZE]  [SIZE=medium]By the time spring rolled around, I was playing around with making a fresh salsa based on the canned salsa recipe and doing some test marketing.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]We got licensed, found a kitchen to use, got into a farmer’s market, and soon the salsa was in 5 local grocery stores. And that’s how it continued until-[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]The Big Move[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]In 1998, we decided to move to north central Washington.[/SIZE]  [SIZE=medium]I took a year off from making salsa after moving, but soon the call of the peppers got to me and I was back at it using a local shared-use kitchen, selling at the farmer’s market and then in the local stores.[/SIZE]  [SIZE=medium]Over the next 10 years, several award winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup and in 2006, built a commercial kitchen at our home.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]Our latest creation is the Pure Evil line of capsaicin drops. A totally revolutionary product that is going literally around the world.[/SIZE]  [SIZE=medium]From 1.5 million SHU to 13 million, Pure Evil Capsaicin Drops are the purest and hottest creation available.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]Thank you for your interest in our Pure Evil Products![/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]Ann and John[/SIZE]
 
 
 
[SIZE=medium]​:lol:  I'd just made most of the changes JD posted.  Added both names at the bottom.  [/SIZE]
 
[SIZE=medium]​Hawaiianero-  the website will have extracts in addition to Cap drops.  [/SIZE]

one more thing....shouldn't there be a WE before building the kitchen?  When reading the whole sentence, it sounds like there shoule be a "we"
 
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Yes SL.
 
Over the next 10 years, several award(-)winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup(,) and in 2006, (we) built a commercial kitchen (on our property?) at our home.
 
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The Hot Pepper said:
Yes SL.
 
Over the next 10 years, several award(-)winning bottled sauces were added to the lineup(,) and in 2006, (we) built a commercial kitchen (on our property?) at our home.
Click to expand...
 
Got it!    Definitely better to say on our property than at our home. 

Since we're at it... PART 2!!!!  FAQ's
 
 
FAQ
What is capsaicin?
Capsaicin (kap-say-sin)(8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide) is one of several capsaicinoid compounds found in chile peppers which give the peppers the sensation of heat.  The most commonly occurring capsaicinoids are capsaicin, dihydrocapsaicin, nordihydrocapsaicin, homocapsaicin, and homodihydrocapsaicin. 
 
Different chiles have different amounts of these different capsaicinoid compounds, but the most prominent is capsaicin.  The different capsaicinoids react differently in the mouth and body causing the mouth burn and the body endorphin rush which is why some peppers will hit hard and fast in the mouth, others will hit the gut, others will have the slow creeping burn.  
Pure capsaicin is a colorless, odorless, crystalline to waxy compound.  See the image on the Home page. 
 
What is an SHU?
An SHU is a Scoville Heat Unit, based on the Scoville scale for rating pungency (or heat) of peppers.  The scale is named after its creator, American pharmacist Wilbur Scoville. His method, devised in 1912, is known as the Scoville Organoleptic Test.  Unlike current testing methods based on high-performance liquid chromatography, the Scoville scale is a subjective measurement dependent on the capsaicin sensitivity of testers and so is not a precise or accurate method to measure capsaicinoid concentration.
In Scoville's method, an exact weight of dried pepper is dissolved in alcohol to extract the heat components (capsaicinoids), then diluted in a solution of sugar water. Decreasing concentrations of the solutions are given to a panel of five trained tasters, until a majority (at least three) can no longer detect the heat in a dilution The heat level is based on this dilution, rated in multiples of 100 SHU.
Current testing methods use HPLC (high performance liquid chromatography) to measure the amount of capsaicinoids in a sample, which is then correlated back to the Scoville scale to give the sample a Scoville rating. 
 
16 mil SHU capsaicin?
Yes! We've found 16 million 100% pure crystalline capsaicin, made from all natural chiles. It is not synthesized.
 
What is the difference between Capsaicin Drops and Extract?
The capsaicin powder used in our Capsaicin Drops and pepper extracts are both made from real chile peppers.  Solvents are used in making extracts.  The extracts are dark in color, have a noticeable odor and a very distinctive taste which is usually noticeable when added to foods or sauces.   
 
Capsaicin Drops are made from a refined crystalline capsaicin powder.  See the picture on our home page.  It is formulated and packaged in our processing facility.  Capsaicin drops have no odor or flavor and the various concentration levels allow for use in many different applications. 
 
 
Anything Else that should be in the FAQ?

Check this out....
pureevil logo and cap.jpg

 
edit-to remove the double capsaicin in the first paragraph.
 
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It looks like popcorn or soap and doesn't scream evil... hehe
 
I get going for the lab look but not sure it works here... 
 
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It looks better on the actual page with a red border and black headers.  Some say it looks like drugs or something~
 
I thought the fatalii peppers in the background were appropriate.  :lol:
 
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I've been looking at the picture several times, and I think the PE logo should be bigger, take up more of the space.  The web designer did this part. 
 
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Modern logos are actually a lot smaller these days. However get the website up at least and we can help after. It's hard to visualize and may as well go live.
 
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All the info sent off with cart buttons etc. Thank you everyone, for your time and input.

Should be live soon.
 
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