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Share a Funny Joke

So a boss is taking his top salesman and receptionist out to lunch to celebrate good quarter number.
After they eat they are walking along the boardwalk when the receptionist sees a shiny object in the sand, she walks out grabs the tea pot.

Once back to the others she rubs it, out pops a genie.

"You each get one wish, only you may not wish for more wishes"

"Oh sweet " they reply

"You, young lady what do you wish for?"

"I wish I was on a remote island with a hot hung guy, all the money and food we need to live forever "
Poof, she is gone
"You young man, what do you wish for " says the geenie to the sales man

"I want to live in a penthouse in Vegas with all the drugs and woman I can handle, and all the money to never work again"

Poof, he is gone

As the boss is standing there laughing. He gets asked "now, how about you sir?" The geenie asks
" well, I wish those to are back at their desks by 3pm"
Lmao sorry its long and my first time trying to type a joke
 
A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a sh*t." :lol:
 
A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a sh*t." :lol:
 
One day I was getting ready for work and taking a shower when I heard a strange voice.

The Voice: Go to the bank and take out all the money. Quit your job, sell the house and take
all the money to Vegas.

Weird I know but then again I was more than a little hungover that day. Didn't think too much of it until a couple of days later when I was driving in my car when I heard it again.

The Voice: Go to the bank and take out all the money. Quit your job, sell the house and take all the money to Vegas.

Window's in the car were up and the radio off. I was pretty freaked out to say the least. Next day I'm on the treadmill with my IPod and headphones on when the IPod conked out and I heard it again.

The Voice: Go to the bank and take out all the money. Quit your job, sell the house and take all the money to Vegas.

Holy shit! My head was spinning now. So what do I do? I went to the bank and took out all the money. Quit my job, sold the house and got on a plane to Vegas with a big sack full of cash. I get off the plane and as I'm wandering around McCarran I hear the voice again.

The Voice: Go to the Tropicana and go and find the Roulette table and put all the money on red 21.

So I head over there and stroll in with this big sack of cash and dump it all out in front of the dealer and tell him I want it all on red 21. Next I know there's about 40 people gawking around me as the ball drops and starts spinning around the wheel. I'm sweating like a pig and I'm shaking so bad I can barely stand up. The ball finally comes to rest on black 6.

The Voice: FAAAAACK!!!
 
Sven & Ollie are nailing siding on Sven's house.
Sven notices Ollie throwing almost every other nail over his shoulder.
Sven says "Ollie, vat the hall ya doin trowin dem nails avay".
Ollie says "Der pointin de wrong vay"
Sven says " Dammit Ollie, those are fer de udder side of de house"
 
I was sitting in the bar having a shot and a beer with a buddy of mine.

I pointed to two old drunk fu-ks sitting across the bar from us and said to my pal,"That's us in 10 years"

He said, "That's a mirror ya Dumb Fook"
 
PIC 1 said:
I was sitting in the bar having a shot and a beer with a buddy of mine.

I pointed to two old drunk fu-ks sitting across the bar from us and said to my pal,"That's us in 10 years"

He said, "That's a mirror ya Dumb Fook"
Click to expand...

That's a good one! still laughing.....
 
A married couple go into a store to buy a new cradle for their baby. There are two one for $40 and another for $5. The couple asks the clerk why the other one is so cheap. The clerk explains that the cheap one is haunted and if you place your baby in it in 5 seconds it would die then the mother will die in 10 seconds and the father in 20 seconds. Well the couple didn't listen and bought it put the baby in the haunted cradle for nap and within 5 seconds the baby died the 10 seconds the mother. The father scared, ran out of the house and got hurt tripping over the dead mailman.
 
a peach salesman knocks on the door,a beautifull woman in her night gown answers. hello miss im selling baskets of peaches,the woman asks as she drops the gown down over her breast are your peaches firm as these? a tear rolls from the mans eye. the man asks would you like to buy any peaches,,,the woman lifts her gown and asks are those peaches pretty as this , the man starts crying. the woman asks whats wrong,,, the man says miss ,my wife has left me i lost my job,i lost my house and all i have are these peaches,,,and now youre going to screw me out of them..
 
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..
 
lol, that made me think of something i have to share. my sisters put her kids in pageants when they were little. so my 3 year old nephew was asked in front of 100 people what is your sisters name/ he answered,then he was asked what is your daddys name/he answered. then he was asked what is mommys name,he said mommy,the d.j. said no what is your mommys name/he answered mommy. so the d.j. said what doess your daddy call your mommy/// i promise you this is true,the little boy said fu45ing bi34h
 
My new year resolution is to learn something new every day


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