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Tales from the Loo: Chile's Attack!!

texas blues said:
: walks into the THP loo looking for an empty stall :

: all empty except one with a passed out BDF all wrapped in toilert paper :

: let's out a lady scream and splits for the door :
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loo.jpg
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Somehow I knew there were going to be problems this morning. I had pork chops, wings, hot sauce, and Katrina's fatalii jelly last night. I added the magic elixir vodka and set it to churning like a unbalanced load of laundry with some sneakers in it. This morning I woke up and immediately knew this was not going to be a good morning. I made my way to the scene of the crime and hunkered down. What followed was something out of "The Hills Have Eyes". Through much grunting and groaning I soldiered on until I could handle no more. There was a mushroom cloud emanating from the bowl and filling up the room. I quickly finished the deed and hit the floor, knowing that it was my only chance to make it out alive. I crawled for the door like a Marine crawling under a razor wire fence. Upon my exit, I quickly slammed the door and ran through the upstairs looking for my loved ones. Like a fireman running out of oxygen on the 50th floor of a highrise I cleared every room. Thank God! I ran down the stairs and out the door. It seems my family had exacted our fire emergency plan and had assembled out on the sidewalk. After a long while I mustered up the courage to go back in the front door. I looked up the stairs and I saw what must resemble a Nuclear Fallout not seen since Chernobyl. Just then I heard a knock at the door. Seems the crew from Life After People had been called a little prematurely. We are still alive, but I am afraid the second floor is a total loss.
 
excellent descriptive narrative JayT....excellent...

TB...you may be on to something
 
:Mel pokes her head in, takes a look around and goes and sits quietly in the corner:

After lasts nights trial of Nova's 777 sauce, along with beer and then the vodka spiked with fatalii, early morning (2am) cheese burrito / wrap things things arent good in the Mel household :D

Too much of a lady (!!) to go into all the glorious details, but lets just say that the western suburbs of sydney this morning have experienced molten lava and acid rain like they've never seen before.. never! This has surely got to be a 1 in 100 year type of event!!

:Mel gets up outta her chair, face a nice shade of red...and runs for the door:
 
What baffles me is why the consistency is always the worst possible kind for the situation. Any runnier, it would just shoot out no problem, minimal contact. Any more solid it would slide out without leaving much residue behind. But always it is the kind that smears and saturates like napalm.
 
orangehero said:
What baffles me is why the consistency is always the worst possible kind for the situation. Any runnier, it would just shoot out no problem, minimal contact. Any more solid it would slide out without leaving much residue behind. But always it is the kind that smears and saturates like napalm.
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There is no definable texture or density in such cases as many have experienced. Every 'thang from a slow flowing magma mud to cluster bomb filled phosphorus munitions have been dropped from the cargo bay of the "mothership". The only consistent symptom is the unyielding all powerful burning sensation as if you have full blown herpes zoster (aka shingles) on your cattle chute that feels like the nerve endings have exploded like a bhut jolokia bouncing betty. I personally feel that these severe chili ingestion effects should be mandatory as part of sentencing for hardened criminals. They should be fed an alternating mix of no less than 20 t-scorps and bhuts on a daily basis until sentencing ends. Difficult to cause trouble in jail if you never get off the loo....
 
texas blues said:
I personally feel that these severe chili ingestion effects should be mandatory as part of sentencing for hardened criminals. They should be fed an alternating mix of no less than 20 t-scorps and bhuts on a daily basis until sentencing ends. Difficult to cause trouble in jail if you never get off the loo....
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Now that is a good one TB! :lol:
 
texas blues said:
There is no definable texture or density in such cases as many have experienced. Every 'thang from a slow flowing magma mud to cluster bomb filled phosphorus munitions have been dropped from the cargo bay of the "mothership". The only consistent symptom is the unyielding all powerful burning sensation as if you have full blown herpes zoster (aka shingles) on your cattle chute that feels like the nerve endings have exploded like a bhut jolokia bouncing betty. I personally feel that these severe chili ingestion effects should be mandatory as part of sentencing for hardened criminals. They should be fed an alternating mix of no less than 20 t-scorps and bhuts on a daily basis until sentencing ends. Difficult to cause trouble in jail if you never get off the loo....
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I think you may have unknowingly just found the preventative measure for jail-rape in there somewhere.
 
oh noes.......I am dying a slow death here. AJ's bhut puree is bringing the pain for round 2. I'm feelin' like a saigon hooker after a payday saturday night on an army base.
 
Had a lot of unexpected business this morning. Several sit down meetings, and filed a lot of paperwork.

Can't sit anymore- think I need to build a stand up bar to set my laptop on.
 
boutros said:
Had a lot of unexpected business this morning. Several sit down meetings, and filed a lot of paperwork.

Can't sit anymore- think I need to build a stand up bar to set my laptop on.
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Welcome to the machine.
 
paulky_2000 said:
The lower GI gurgling has been so common with me since college that I miss it when it's not there.
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Gurgling? What the hell are talking about? I'm experiencing 200 mph winds through an elevator shaft!!
 
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