Tales from the Loo: Chile's Attack!!
- Thread starter texas blues
- Start date
salsalady said:"it" will ALWAYS return.....
IT is inevitable.
Holy crap, i laughed my ass off reading through the first 6 pages or so. I will have to come back and read the rest later when my stomach doesn't hurt so much from the belly laughing! Relating a story from a friend, that probably has hot chillies involved in some fashion...
A work mate of mine was living in Minneapolis, and if you know the town you know that the 94/694/494 ring is stop and go traffic during the morning and evening rush. You can move 10 feet, stop for 1-2 minutes, and then move another whole 10 feet. You get the picture. He was on his way to work stopped in traffic, and noticed the guy in the truck in front of him looked to be in distress. They were in the center lane, and the guy turned his signal on for either direction and was kind of bouncing in his seat over the period of 10-15 minutes, looking almost like a strung-out crackhead. A few more cycles of stop and go, and the guy slams his truck into park, jumps out, runs to the ditch off to the right and whips his pants down and blows a stream of lava all over the ditch. He was twitching and jiving,apparently trying to keep everything off his pants and underwear. After a few more convulsions and some desperate looks around, he decided to pull his pants up with no toilet paper, and there was definite residual. He sheepishly walked back to his truck, and several watchers gave him a honk in solidarity. He waved and sat back down in his truck to continue the ride to work. It is unknown if he went home to change, or directly to work.
All I could think when my work mate related this to me was, "Poor bastard..." I have been in a similar situation, all in a panic, but never had to actually jump out and take care of it. As a matter of fact, I am not sure if I would just fill my pants in the truck in preference to airing all for the cohabitants of the road to see!
Anyway, thought I would share. Glad to see this thread resurrected itself. I have wondered to myself if my wife of 15 years would stay with me after I fouled the bathroom after a night of hot chillis, and so far she is a real trooper!
A work mate of mine was living in Minneapolis, and if you know the town you know that the 94/694/494 ring is stop and go traffic during the morning and evening rush. You can move 10 feet, stop for 1-2 minutes, and then move another whole 10 feet. You get the picture. He was on his way to work stopped in traffic, and noticed the guy in the truck in front of him looked to be in distress. They were in the center lane, and the guy turned his signal on for either direction and was kind of bouncing in his seat over the period of 10-15 minutes, looking almost like a strung-out crackhead. A few more cycles of stop and go, and the guy slams his truck into park, jumps out, runs to the ditch off to the right and whips his pants down and blows a stream of lava all over the ditch. He was twitching and jiving,apparently trying to keep everything off his pants and underwear. After a few more convulsions and some desperate looks around, he decided to pull his pants up with no toilet paper, and there was definite residual. He sheepishly walked back to his truck, and several watchers gave him a honk in solidarity. He waved and sat back down in his truck to continue the ride to work. It is unknown if he went home to change, or directly to work.
All I could think when my work mate related this to me was, "Poor bastard..." I have been in a similar situation, all in a panic, but never had to actually jump out and take care of it. As a matter of fact, I am not sure if I would just fill my pants in the truck in preference to airing all for the cohabitants of the road to see!
Anyway, thought I would share. Glad to see this thread resurrected itself. I have wondered to myself if my wife of 15 years would stay with me after I fouled the bathroom after a night of hot chillis, and so far she is a real trooper!
NOT from the loo, but from the kitchen.
Yesterday morning I was cleaning up dishes from the previous evening's meal. I had cooked a pizza, which is my favorite platform for loading up with cheesy meaty goodness and every combination of powders, sauces, or fresh chilies. In this case, it was a goodly amount of Brain Strain and devils' tongue powders over 3 slices of ham and pepperoni.
While washing dishes, I wiped my hand across my forehead and pepper sprayed my eyes
with powder left on a plate from the night before. Instantly I knew what had happened. Thankfully it wasn't the first time I've had the experience so I didn't panic when I went blind for a couple minutes. I calmly started washing my face with cool water, but it didn't help much. So I stumbled slowly to the bathroom, bleary-eyed and angry with myself for poor pepper safety procedures. I got into the shower and put my face under the water for about 10 minutes. Finally, the burn subsided. I was lucky that I had taken care of business earlier and didn't get stuck on the throne while blinded, too.
I had been on a run of good luck, having no serious accidents during the last year's growing season when making 100 bottles of sauce and a couple pounds of powders. Karma caught up with me in the dead of winter!
Yesterday morning I was cleaning up dishes from the previous evening's meal. I had cooked a pizza, which is my favorite platform for loading up with cheesy meaty goodness and every combination of powders, sauces, or fresh chilies. In this case, it was a goodly amount of Brain Strain and devils' tongue powders over 3 slices of ham and pepperoni.
While washing dishes, I wiped my hand across my forehead and pepper sprayed my eyes
with powder left on a plate from the night before. Instantly I knew what had happened. Thankfully it wasn't the first time I've had the experience so I didn't panic when I went blind for a couple minutes. I calmly started washing my face with cool water, but it didn't help much. So I stumbled slowly to the bathroom, bleary-eyed and angry with myself for poor pepper safety procedures. I got into the shower and put my face under the water for about 10 minutes. Finally, the burn subsided. I was lucky that I had taken care of business earlier and didn't get stuck on the throne while blinded, too.I had been on a run of good luck, having no serious accidents during the last year's growing season when making 100 bottles of sauce and a couple pounds of powders. Karma caught up with me in the dead of winter!
lol this thread is a friggin cracker!
This happened to me the other day at work
The previous night I consumed a fair amount of hot wings plus a semi tanker of beer. My shift didn't start until 4pm and it was only a half-day, so it should be a non issue, right?
[SIZE=10pt]So yeah, about 10 mins into the shift I had to take a massive dump. As I felt the chilli/booze diahhrea cocktail backing up against my butt hole like a dam about to burst, I hobbled my way to the other end of the store to flushing meadows all the while praying to sweet jesus that I don't get ambushed by a customer wanting to buy a gym set, BBQ or some other PITA item. But you see, the work toilets are bloody tiny right. So as I unleashed a tsunami of partially liquid mud, I had to piss aswell, and to my horror, the piss was actually trickling down on the floor right infront of the toilet bowl. Are you %$#@ing serious , how the &%#! does this happen??? My pecker was inside the bowl, yet the piss was somehow, somebloodyhow pooling on the floor right at my feet and pants. So, I readjust my rod, and continue on eroding the throne with my nuclear waste.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]10 mins later, I get up only to realise that the piss has worked its way along the gaps in the tiling, and thus now the soles of my shoes were covered in piss. Ofcourse, I only realised after getting up and moving around, with the cubicle now covered in urine footsteps. So I had to clean that up with the toilet paper, the soles of my shoes aswell, then wipe my ass. By the grace of god my pants remained untouched. I had to flush about 5000 times, as the work crappers are a tiny and lame water saving greenie nazi models which could only flush 3 sheets of toilet paper at a time. Imagine that, a backed up sh*tter full of freshly squeezed colon refuse overflowing onto a piss covered floor... disaster narrowly averted.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Then, it was back to work. My DNA is now presumably all over the shop floor. [/SIZE]
This happened to me the other day at work
The previous night I consumed a fair amount of hot wings plus a semi tanker of beer. My shift didn't start until 4pm and it was only a half-day, so it should be a non issue, right?
[SIZE=10pt]So yeah, about 10 mins into the shift I had to take a massive dump. As I felt the chilli/booze diahhrea cocktail backing up against my butt hole like a dam about to burst, I hobbled my way to the other end of the store to flushing meadows all the while praying to sweet jesus that I don't get ambushed by a customer wanting to buy a gym set, BBQ or some other PITA item. But you see, the work toilets are bloody tiny right. So as I unleashed a tsunami of partially liquid mud, I had to piss aswell, and to my horror, the piss was actually trickling down on the floor right infront of the toilet bowl. Are you %$#@ing serious , how the &%#! does this happen??? My pecker was inside the bowl, yet the piss was somehow, somebloodyhow pooling on the floor right at my feet and pants. So, I readjust my rod, and continue on eroding the throne with my nuclear waste.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]10 mins later, I get up only to realise that the piss has worked its way along the gaps in the tiling, and thus now the soles of my shoes were covered in piss. Ofcourse, I only realised after getting up and moving around, with the cubicle now covered in urine footsteps. So I had to clean that up with the toilet paper, the soles of my shoes aswell, then wipe my ass. By the grace of god my pants remained untouched. I had to flush about 5000 times, as the work crappers are a tiny and lame water saving greenie nazi models which could only flush 3 sheets of toilet paper at a time. Imagine that, a backed up sh*tter full of freshly squeezed colon refuse overflowing onto a piss covered floor... disaster narrowly averted.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Then, it was back to work. My DNA is now presumably all over the shop floor. [/SIZE]
0_0 What ELSE where you doing when sh!tsplosion happened? Nevermind, I really don't even want to..Hells Kitchen said:
I have similar stories. Not related to pepper directly, but here goes:
My friends and I are over at this one guy's house for a sleepover, and we've just finished breakfast. One of us goes to use the bathroom, and this happens:
"
ing heck! This hurts like a "at this, the other two of us start laughing slightly, after all it was really funny. Then we hear the toiled flush and get this gem:
"AAAAAGH!"
by this point we've both doubled over laughing, and we nearly died when we heard
"<name>, your toiled exploded."
"how much toilet paper did you try to shove in it?" the third party asked.
"NONE! It just up and blew up."
So we go over and investigate it, and when we go into the hallway there's water under the door and all the way into the room on either side. The door opens, and there's water three feet high on the walls, our friend miraculously dry from the knees up, and the toilet hissing malevolently. We try to flush it again, and it releases an alarming gurgle before complying. Cleanup time was about fifteen minutes and some letting dry, and in subsequent visits that friend has not used that toilet since.
Brain Strain Pepper Head
Banned
LOL
I find that the highest occurrence of sharting happens after hot pepper related food ingestion.
I was reminded of this epic thread after assaulting a defenseless toilet bowl for the third time today. While I sympathize with my ceramic victim's plight, I have to imagine I bore the brunt of the pain. Each encounter more searingly painful than the last. At this point I'm actually starting to question the virtues of a diet consisting mainly of beer and hot sauce...
^^^^
Beer and hot sauce are the cornerstones of any nutritious meal.
Beer and hot sauce are the cornerstones of any nutritious meal.
Hi all
well my story starts out.
I moved to Tx in 1972 wifes sister lived in east Tx
well I got to Tx and rented a small traler house and the owner had just caned some japolinos and gave me a pint to try well a few days later I was downing some suds an decided to try the peppers. Got some breed and butter out opened the jar had a bite wow these are good so I ate the hole jar an decided to take a nap.
an Hr. or so later I woke up feeling the rumble an decided to take a shower all was going well and then I had pass a little wind
well it was not wind but as mud splattered I knew that things were going to get bad well here I am in the shower flaming red rose was started to wake me up !!!!!!!! man was I glad I was in shower now I had a red rose and mud to clean up.
At this point I thought I had the flu or something not thinking that peppers could cause this problem well after talking to the guy I got the peppers from he bust out laffing.
I just had to post after reading all the funny post.
sperding the pepper love
well my story starts out.
I moved to Tx in 1972 wifes sister lived in east Tx
well I got to Tx and rented a small traler house and the owner had just caned some japolinos and gave me a pint to try well a few days later I was downing some suds an decided to try the peppers. Got some breed and butter out opened the jar had a bite wow these are good so I ate the hole jar an decided to take a nap.
an Hr. or so later I woke up feeling the rumble an decided to take a shower all was going well and then I had pass a little wind
well it was not wind but as mud splattered I knew that things were going to get bad well here I am in the shower flaming red rose was started to wake me up !!!!!!!! man was I glad I was in shower now I had a red rose and mud to clean up.
At this point I thought I had the flu or something not thinking that peppers could cause this problem well after talking to the guy I got the peppers from he bust out laffing.
I just had to post after reading all the funny post.
sperding the pepper love
salsalady said:"it" will ALWAYS return.....
Like the sunrise in the morning.
Its like standing in line at the grocery store.
And then you spot the latest Enquirer tabloid.
"Aliens Are Having Sex With You While You Sleep!!!
Chewi said:
Thanks man.
I had to go out for ice cream.
And toilet paper.
According to down below...
There is 1 member.
Me.
And 8 guests currently eyeballing this thread.
What a bunch of whackos.
There is 1 member.
Me.
And 8 guests currently eyeballing this thread.
What a bunch of whackos.
Ever get to work.
And shortly after.
Have to throw your underwear away?
I did that yesterday.
Because.
People.
Don't think eating 50 chiletipin's be like it is.
But it do.
On another note...
Why I no longer travel over seas.
http://northernlauren.com/travellers-toilet-nightmares-shittiest-stories-youll-ever-read/
And shortly after.
Have to throw your underwear away?
I did that yesterday.
Because.
People.
Don't think eating 50 chiletipin's be like it is.
But it do.
On another note...
Why I no longer travel over seas.
http://northernlauren.com/travellers-toilet-nightmares-shittiest-stories-youll-ever-read/
um no
No big stories here but I have learned that peppers will clear me out. I don't regret it - what's the alternative, going around with a gut full of stale crap?
Sorry if this is Too Much Information but sometimes when I take a pepper crap I'm mainly unloading older stuff and then the last bit comes out with the sparklers lit.
Sorry if this is Too Much Information but sometimes when I take a pepper crap I'm mainly unloading older stuff and then the last bit comes out with the sparklers lit.