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Tales from the Loo: Chile's Attack!!

yesterday I had three habs with my sandwich. Lunch I had two pearl Millet flat breads liberally smeared with Naga Chutney pickle, Rice and beans curry with two spoons of Thai chutney pickle.:onfire:


Dinner with spicy rice with Dead Mouth MACH 7 sauce. It was a day full of Hot food to raise my Endorphin level
:mouthonfire:


After a long long time, I had to occupy the loo three times till noon.
No watery motions or pain. Just had to go.:(

Of course there was a small ring of fire for some time but it was tiny tiny burning.
I think I will have to keep up the pressure of raised intake of peppers.:rolleyes:

NJA
 
I feel like pulling the trigger on some fresno's and habs tonight. The Blues Shitter is cleaned and prepped for battle. Stay well clear. It's a definite No-Fly zone.
 
Those wings I made yesterday caused quite a commotion this morning in the bathroom. I wore the carpet down between the bedroom and the bathroom.
 
The tap dance sucks, STOMP is worse, and then comes kickboxing.
 
I've seen that show..STOMP. Yup. That's what's happenin' right now. Feels like the whole Chinese army is stomping on my stomach right now.....eek! Gotta' RUN!!
 
Me too. I have the fire down below. Woo. Rumble rumble gurgle gurgle. I am predicting a splash down of epic proportions very soon.
 
HAHAHA!!!

She'd probably go looking for the twins cause they had forgotten to flush the toilet again!

She says that she sometimes feels like a frat-house mother.
 
I am going out today to get some caution tape and put over the bathroom door. Or maybe I should get some crime scene tape. It smells like someone died in there.
 
JayT said:
I am going out today to get some caution tape and put over the bathroom door. Or maybe I should get some crime scene tape. It smells like someone died in there.
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I'm so very glad that modern technology hasn't progressed to the point where odors can be sent via internet. :lol:
 
OMG, you guys are too funny :) I really needed the laugh today, and I spent the past 20 minutes over lunch reading this message thread. I’m still chuckling and people around me wonder what the heck is wrong with me when I let out another loud laugh (and, I’m in an office)….anyway, my story isn’t anywhere near as funny or life-threatening as others. My story goes back to 2005: The company I work for has headquarters in Dublin, Ireland. I was to make my first business trip there, and of course not thinking (common for me) I made one of my ‘concoctions’ for dinner the night before: Ground beef, hot Italian sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, instead of tomato paste I used hot salsa, and a few tablespoons of my hot pepper powder. I made it just hot enough to be edible, and hot enough to make myself ask, “why did I make that so hot”. Of course, knowing that my wife wouldn’t eat any of it as leftovers when I was gone, I ate most of it myself. As I really usually don’t have too bad of a reaction to such foods, I really didn’t feel too bad when I got on the plane for an early morning, 7 hour flight to Dublin. Of course, a couple hours into the flight all hell was ready to break loose – lower intestinal pain, and I could feel a bad case of diarrhea coming on. Now, if you are like me, the airplane crapper is about the last place on earth you want to take a dump. I fought back for hours, and was praying that I’d make it to the airport before it let loose. Well, we did make it, and I scooched myself thru the terminal to the restroom. I won’t go into the gory details, but needless to say, that was a relief – and, the burn was not as bad given that I was so much pain from holding it so long. (Guess I have strong Sphincter muscles).
Anyway – despite being able to let it loose, it started building up again on the way to the hotel. I stayed at the Hotel Alexander in Dublin, a wonderful old hotel. As we arrived mid-morning, the rooms were not yet ready, so we tried snoozing in the lobby. Well, round two of Bill’s Revenge came on and this time I didn’t have much time to make it to the restroom. (why do they call it a ‘rest’ room – that’s the last thing I want to do there). The restrooms are in the lower level of the hotel, and I could start to feel the ooze coming on and when I made it down, I dashed into the first available stall (there were 3 or 4 of them). Oh boy, this round felt even better than the first to get rid off ….I’m not a wordsmith like many of you, but just imagine the relief I felt, and I really didn’t care who else heard me, or smelled me – that was the first time that I’ve really felt nauseous from my own stink. I sat there for a few minutes with a couple more ‘after shocks’ and a few flushes of the toilet but finally subsided enough that I thought I could finally wipe myself. Of course, as Murphy would have it (remember Murphy’s Law?) there was no toilet paper!!! Oh man, now what do I do. I decided to wait until nobody was in the room until I tried the next stall. As my ‘bottom side’ was probably quite a mess, I decided to wrap my underpants and pants around my ankles and ‘wiggle’ myself to the next stall. Of course, my fear was that someone would come in and see me during my long journey from one stall to the next. As I soon realized, I should have been concerned about something else – the dripping and oozing of the mess from the butt down onto my underpants as I shuffled myself along the bathroom floor to the next stall! As I almost made my final destination, I heard the door open behind me and a faint ‘OH’ exclamation, and then the door closing. I can imagine what that person thought when he opened the door to see a weirdo shuffling across the floor with pants down around the ankles and brown ooze dripping town the leg onto the pants and floor. I remember trying to clean myself up the best I could, and putting a huge wad of toilet paper stuffed into my underpants. I also kept as far away from my co-workers as we checked into the hotel, and I remember taking the stairs instead of the elevator as I really did not want to expose anybody else to the toxic waste. I actually felt much better that afternoon, so much so that I was able to have a few pints of Irish beer washed down with a few shots of Irish Whiskey (Jameson). (hmm maybe I did the Whiskey first, but it seems to me that I wanted a Guiness first) Yes, I actually had business meetings that week, and made sure I didn’t subject my body to anything that would cause me problems on the way back. (Irish food is bland anyway). I did tell my co-workers about it after a couple of days, and they of course had a good laugh.
So, that’s my story. Sometime I’ll tell you about puking up chunks of pork ribs after a happy hour at a hotel and clogging up the sink :)
Bill
 
paulky_2000 said:
Bill wins....that can not be topped.

Might as well close the thread.

:rofl:
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I respectfully decline the nomination, and will not accept if elected :) (Unless there is a pile of money - or peppers, that goes with the award). I don't think my wife would appreciate it if I won the 'Tales From The Loo" award. I never did tell her the full story, and she didn't notice that I was missing one pair of underpants and one pair of pants upon my return. I live near Pennsylvania Dutch area (JimT lives in the heart of it) and there is a saying "We get too soon old and too late smart." Even at my age I continue to do stupid things, but I am now smart enough to know not to eat my home made concoctions before a trip.

Other Dutch sayings include:
Throw the cow over the fence some hay.
A big wife and a big barn never did any man harm.
Outen The Lights.
Children and fools tell the truth.
Kissing wears out, cooking don't.
Short hair is quickly brushed.
An industrious wife is the best savings account.
It wonders me.
Throw Amos down the stairs his hat.
Eat yourself full
 
This is almost like confession :) (and, I am not Catholic) - actually, now that I remembered my Dublin trip, I remembered another time of a similar experience: I used to go deer hunting in Northern Wisconsin with my dad and uncle. On my first hunting trip with them, they took me out the night before and of course we had a couple of food challenges. (They had been drinking - but not me - I was only 15/16 and quite naive). Anyway, I did eat a few Pickled Eggs, and Turkey Gizzards at the bar, and a few mustard sardines when we returned to the cabin. No problem for me for sure (yeah, right) - next morning at 5am we had a big breakfast ('normal' food) and I really didn't have to crap or anything, I felt fine. My dad kept telling me that I should at least try to go, well at age 15 no adult was going to give me advice that I would take. Northern Wisconsin can be bitterly cold in late November, and it was that first morning we went out at 6am (I don't think we could shoot until 6:30 but we wanted to get to our areas before dawn). I snuggled in against a tree, trying to keep warm and I had a hand-warmer with some type of animal scent, so to cover human odor so the deer wouldn't smell me. of course, about the time it got light, the turkey gizzards, pickled eggs, and mustard sardines had worked there way to the bottom and I really had to crap. I wasn't in a panic, even though I didn't think of taking along any toilet paper (I did all the years after that though), so I decided I'd just have to use leaves, which I had to get from underneath several inches of snow. Now, the real problem was that I had a one piece hunting outfit, and did not have a rear end 'drop' to it. So, in the middle of the woods, on a cold snowy morning, I dropped the one piece outfit around my ankles, leaned backwards against a tree so as to not 'dump' on my outfit, and took a healthy, albeit slightly gooey crap (trust me, mustard sardines can make goo out of anything). Well, another life lesson - when you lean backwards to take a crap, make sure that you lean far enough back, which I didn't - it ended up down the arm hole of my hunting outfit. All I could imagine is some big buck trotting by while I'm crapping on myself. I was able to clean up the mess the best I could, and of course, no deer was going to come within a mile of me that day. I believe the lady who rented out the cabins washed my outfit that night, and I enjoyed the rest of my trip. A life lesson - don't give in to food challenges with your father, especially if it involves turkey gizzards, pickled eggs, and mustard sardines. I do miss my father, and believe it or not, this was one of my experiences with him that I will never forget, nor do I want to. (You can imagine the razing on got on the way back to the cabin after a day of hunting - I think they wanted to tie me to the top of the truck).
Oh yeah, if you really want to experience something unique in life, try wiping yourself sometime with a handful of snow covered leaves - not exactly like Charmin.
 
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