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Tell a dumb joke...
- Thread starter The Hollyberry Lady
- Start date
Something on this page gave me a virus alert. If you see what it is let me know.
Once there was an Intelligent Red Neck.
Q: When is it acceptable to punch a midget?
A: When he walks up to your girlfriend and tells her that her hair smells teriffic.
A: When he walks up to your girlfriend and tells her that her hair smells teriffic.
Q. What did the masochist say to the sadist?
A. Hurt me!
Q. What did the sadist reply?
A. No...
A. Hurt me!
Q. What did the sadist reply?
A. No...
When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day.
[Even if you're semi- retired, you sometimes have those days!]
Try this out:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
' Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized . '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson'! .
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!
[Even if you're semi- retired, you sometimes have those days!]
Try this out:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
' Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized . '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson'! .
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!
MrArboc said:
hehehehe
I was in the park yesterday when I heard an ice cream van's chimes. I noticed that, when the ice cream van sounded its chimes, all the kids in the park eagerly ran over, as if they were hypnotised by the sounds. I thought to myself, "This is an excellent opportunity..."
I'd been waiting to go on the swings for 20 minutes.
I'd been waiting to go on the swings for 20 minutes.
Grimus said:
....but very funny!!
Grimus said:
It is sure very funny. Loved it.
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.
Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."