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The fruitless efforts for the ultimate lawn

C

chicagofire

Well I have begun to tear my hair out and its not even really warm here yet. I have a hippy mentality for organics and know deep down that a gorgeous lawn is a sin against my nature but I want it anyway. Soooo after three years with this bastard grass I got the urge to do the pre-emergent chemical warfare and I already have weeds. The history is as follows.
Year 1: friend buys this house, the lawn looks like hell, remove stupid brick edges and goofy lighting, chill beer and pull weeds by hand. One third of it is totally brown. Year 2: chill beer and remove weeds by hand, weeds get worse, water more give up on organics and use chemicals, 2/3 is now brown, find out there are grubs who love well watered grass and replace at least half the yard after bombing the hell out the grubs. Do a core aeration, cut long, water deep. over seed, fall weed and feed with chemicals. Now this year, rent a de-thatcher, apply preemergent and feed, sit back and watch the crab grass flourish. Any ideas on what to do next?
 
Chicago,

Many years ago I had the same problem and what I did was spray the entire yard with Round-up to kill everything. Rotary tilled it up, several times throughout the summer, then raked and leveled everything. Sowed grass seed twice as heavy as was called for and added ferts. Raked everything in and watered.

Once a year, just before a heavy snowfall was predicted, I would sow some more seed. Had a beautiful lawn for a few years until a drought came and the city decided to install curbs, replace gas lines and such. Gave up on the lawn!

Mike
 
chicagofire said:
Well I have begun to tear my hair out and its not even really warm here yet. I have a hippy mentality for organics and know deep down that a gorgeous lawn is a sin against my nature but I want it anyway. Soooo after three years with this bastard grass I got the urge to do the pre-emergent chemical warfare and I already have weeds. The history is as follows.
Year 1: friend buys this house, the lawn looks like hell, remove stupid brick edges and goofy lighting, chill beer and pull weeds by hand. One third of it is totally brown. Year 2: chill beer and remove weeds by hand, weeds get worse, water more give up on organics and use chemicals, 2/3 is now brown, find out there are grubs who love well watered grass and replace at least half the yard after bombing the hell out the grubs. Do a core aeration, cut long, water deep. over seed, fall weed and feed with chemicals. Now this year, rent a de-thatcher, apply preemergent and feed, sit back and watch the crab grass flourish. Any ideas on what to do next?
Click to expand...

Burn it
 
I have a very plush green blue grass lawn. 3 years ago I shoveled 6 tons of topsoil in an effort to level my lawn. I then laid grass seed over top and covers the seed with compost. I use Scott's lawn treatment for the various seasons occasionally water if there is a dry week. Overall my lawn is hands-off and it looks great.

You don't need the topsoil if your yard is level. What I would do is kill everything (grass and weeds), spread crabgrass preventor and an insecticide. In the fall, I would aerate, lay seed, compost, then have a beer. Your grass will be plush and green come next summer. You will not find an overnight solution unless you tear up the yard and lay down sod.
 
if you don't like the concrete/astroturf answer, you could always roundup everything, put weed cloth down and then gravel the whole yard...I'm tempted to to that to my whole place anyway... ;)
 
I like grass but not a slave to a nice lawn, figure the more garden and flowers I plant the less there is to mow. Garden and flowers get watered, grass gets rain only. It's just not a priority to me. This is Minnesota ( read weather like Illinois) so it's gotta be tough, will either make it or not. Fortunately I live in a neighborhood where no lawn police live, measuring to see if the grass is a certain height or whatever. They have no lives. But then I like the looks of yellow dandelions in green grass too. I know, no help for your situation, I'd personally not put all that stuff on your lawn but that's just me.
 
You don't have to be a chemist to have a nice lawn. All the scotts fertilizers and all that say to use way more than needed also. The best way to get a nice lawn started is a slow process and could take over a year to see any improvement. Just core aerate and dethatch. Mulch the grass back in when you mow. For ferts just spray some fish emulsion high in nitrogen. It may stink for a few days, but hey it's natural! And remember to overseed in the fall after your last mow! This is a slow process and probably won't do much for you this year but next year you'll be loving it!
 
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