LOL.
Here is a recipe from the net...
Here's how you also can make a fermented fish sauce. I don't have an exact recipe, only an imprecise set of instructions, because you can make this recipe differently depending on the ingredients you have available, and I'm sure it'll all come out great. I used fresh sardines for mine, because sardines are one of the cheapest fish available in my area, but you can use any type of fish. You can use regular, standard fish with vertebrae (anchovies are one of the typical fish used in making fish sauce), or shellfish, or even octopus. It doesn't matter, so long as its fish.
Ingredients:
Raw fish
Water
Salt
Instructions:
1. Take your fish and chop it up, bones, head, scales, flesh and all. The smaller the pieces, the better.
2. Mix with a lot of salt. I can't tell you an exact amount as I didn't measure, but you want it salty enough to kill any bad bacteria (this is raw sardines we're talking about) and prevent mold growth. I also know that if this is supposed to be a soy sauce replacement, it would need to be quite salty, so I was very generous with the salt.
3. Add some water. Not a ton, but since you want it to ferment and the fish may not have so much liquid, its a good idea to put some water in to fill in the spaces between the fish parts.
4. Put your mixture in a glass jar. Cover it. This probably would have fermented best covered with a cheesecloth, but as I was fermenting it in my kitchen, I had no interest in having the constant fishy smell, so I just kept the cover of the jar sealed tightly and would open it once every day or two to allow the mixture to "breathe".
5. Leave your fermented fishy stuff on the counter, on your shelf, in your pantry for a while. Give it a shake every few days. I've read to leave it as long as a year, but after 3 weeks I got too impatient and started using it and it was fine. Then again, I've never tasted store bought fish sauce, so I don't have what to compare, but it worked out well in the recipes calling for fish sauce so I assume it tastes as it should.
Sounds delicious?