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Burgers? Hell Yeah!!

Hey y'all looking through the sacred THP scrolls it is apparent that most awesome of foods is sorely neglected. That's right chidren's, I'm talkin' about BURGERS!! Sliders. Pub burgers. Fast food style burgers. Gastro burgers. Cheffy burgers. CHEESEBURGERS!!! Single and double meat. Triple meat. Extreme burgers. Man vs. Food burgers....the list is endless but y'all get the idea.

We won't go into the endless arguments of who created the first hamburger (Fletcher Davis) or what meat qualifies as a burger. Nonetheless....here are the rules for posting in this soon to be awesome thread:

1. Any meat goes. Beef, chicken, pork, lamb, rat, fish. Whatever, hunt it down and kill it with a knife. Its all good and I've included the options other than the traditional beef so all the kids can play in the pool. If its ground and round, its all good.

2. The damn 'thang has to be between 2 slices of bread or bun. White bread. Brioche. Sourdough. English muffin. Whole wheat. Its got to be bready. No wrap crap or wild pizza dough like chingaderra's.

3. Any cooking method goes. Grilled. Broiled. Griddled. Steamed. Deep fried. Zippo lighter.

4. Because I love to ridicule to no end tree hugging granola wimps and hippy's.....
Veggie burgers are all good. Just be prepared for the woe and gnashing of teeth and smack talk that will soon come if you post it. It will be all in fun and all good.

5. You suck at cooking? The only thing that would suck more is if you posted pics of your restaurant burger. For the sake of keeping the comedy rolling...
Any burger you didn't cook or you bought is allowed and is all good. Warning: while allowed, posting pics of BK burgers or their ilk with a splash of tabasco will bring upon you the most ridicule and insults. Even more than a veggie burger!

6. Chile's and/or hotsauce is mandatory on the burger. ON the burger, no crap on the side.

7. Pics are mandatory. No posting about a burger you made or ate without pics. You will suffer extreme ridicule and experience much loathing. Just don't do it.

8. Include a list of condiments and toppings. Mayo. Mustard. Onions. Cheese. Extract of male baboon spermatazoa. Whatever. Post it.

There it is y'all. Can you get down brown with it? Allrighty then...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Here's mine. Sliders. 80/20 ground chuck from Matador Meat Market, Frisco, Tx. Cooked over fine diced yellow onions in cast iron using the smash technique. Toasted Pepperidge Farm slider buns with mustard, the onions, dill pickle and jalapeno pickle slices. Kraft brand American Plastic Cheese.

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Adult beverages are encouraged in the pics but not mandatory. Dig that awesome cast iron crust sear!

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So bring on your burgers. And that means those damn Aussie's and their stinkin' beet root too!!
 
grantmichaels said:
 
Basically the only thing I don't like about not having a large number of friends ... can't justify a lacaja cook whatsoever.
I am in the same boat but know that pork vacuum sealed freezes awesome. I also know that my neighbors would eat the hell out of some pig :) 
 
JoynersHotPeppers said:
I am in the same boat but know that pork vacuum sealed freezes awesome. I also know that my neighbors would eat the hell out of some pig :)
 
Yeah, I don't even like my neighbors that much ...
 
I guess the entertainment is that he says Fuck? I didn't learn anything. Dude made a burger and said fuck a lot. (I get it. It's Vice, it's supposed to be edgy and not so much about the food. I just didn't feel it. I think a lot of "bros" will dig it.)
 
And I hate lettuce shreds. HATE! I always want leaf lettuce on a sandwich and not iceberg. But not on a burger usually. But tear a nice cup leaf of bib or something. I also hate thin tomatoes. I don't like his tips. When I get a hero they sometimes slice the tomato on the slicer so it's as thin as deli meat and you can't taste anything. Lettuce shreds and slicer tomatoes are 2 things I despise on a sandwich lol.
 
Thin onion I like.
 
I agree every burger needs pickle and you don't adulterate the patty with garbage but this is nothing new so...
 
And grilled burgers rock. ;)
 
NEXT!
 
The point is not ruining it by going foo-foo ... and to grind your own ... and to use REAL American ... and to not fuck with the meat while it's cooking ... and steam-melt the cheese ... and to mayo the buns, which shouldn't be white bread ... and to have pickles to add some acidity ... and I noted his pref for sesame which matches my own pref ...
 
That's nothing new. Your "takeaways" from it are burger 101 any chef will tell you even Bobby Flay lol, my takeaways are where he went off course with lettuce shreds and thin tomatoes. Hell no. Throw in some fucks, babe and bj talk, and you have a 2000-era "That Man Show" segment. Ehh. Not impressed. But I guess it's a good "Burgers for Dummies" for those that like to add bread crumbs and constantly mess with the patty in the pan because they are bored.
 
The Hot Pepper said:
That's nothing new. Your "takeaways" from it are burger 101 any chef will tell you even Bobby Flay lol, my takeaways are where he went off course with lettuce shreds and thin tomatoes. Hell no. Throw in some f**ks, babe and bj talk, and you have a 2000-era "That Man Show" segment. Ehh. Not impressed. But I guess it's a good "Burgers for Dummies" for those that like to add bread crumbs and constantly mess with the patty in the pan because they are bored.
 
Which is like 90% of Americans making burgers ...
 
You can take "nothing new" all the back to Auguste Escoffier ... so I mean ...
Oh, and lest we not forget to mention the spattie squeezers ... they're the worst ...
 
I agree it's for dummies and "bros" (not for grandmas lol) which is why I was wondering why you guys like it so much. I guess the entertainment value, and the fact you agree with what he says mostly. Something fun to watch, okay I get it.
 
It felt forced to me that's why I didn't like the entertainment value either. I thought he was forcing the word fuck for shock value and a lot of the other stuff and it felt very "That Man Show" which is fine for college kids making their own burgers. It's great actually, they will enjoy it and learn something.
 
I'm new to Vice I know it exists but now I know more, thanks.
 
So basically hogleg will really dig this.

:rofl:

If I see it for what it is, it works for that audience.
 
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