Funny Insults

[chilli whisperer]

Hey guys,I don't know if there is a thread for insults,but thought it might be funny to hear what you guys have . Here's what I have

You were probably born on a highway,because that's where most accidents happen

You're so ugly,hello kitty said goodbye to you

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

 

[hogleg]

Oh fer crying out loud! Hit it with your WALLET...Not your PURSE!

 

[Phil]

I just hit one of our young, male chemical engineers with one a couple of hours ago.... Walked in and sat down for a meeting and I could smell his fresh coffee... I said "Hazelnut, huh? Yeah, my wife drinks that, too....."
 
My maintenance engineer just about fell out of his chair laughing. Chemical engineer just glared at me for a bit... smirking. hahaha!!!

 

[cruzzfish]

This code is buggier than a piece of casu marzu in an anthill.

 

[Rymerpt]

You are old, fat, and smell funny. Dangit I need a better mirror.

 

[JoynersHotPeppers]

 

[Ashen]

Uglier than a can of smashed assholes. 
 
sharp as a sock full of soup
 
Tits on a Fish!  ( as useful as)

 

[ShortcutToHell]

"You'll never live long enough to be as old as you look!"

 

[ErolDude]

My language is one of the most flexible ones when it comes to swearing/insulting. You can say almost anything and it would make sense in Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian
 
Jebem te u teglu meda --- I f*** you in a jar of honey
Jebo ti pas mater   ---- I can't even translate this but it goes something like A dog shall f*** your mother
Jebem ti lebac  ---- F*** your bread
Dabogda te majka u cevapu prepoznala ---- I hope for your mother to recognise you in cevap (dish made out of minced meat, disgusting insult really)
 
I can go on for days

 

[Alchymystic]

I just hit one of our young, male chemical engineers with one a couple of hours ago.... Walked in and sat down for a meeting and I could smell his fresh coffee... I said "Hazelnut, huh? Yeah, my wife drinks that, too....."
 
My maintenance engineer just about fell out of his chair laughing. Chemical engineer just glared at me for a bit... smirking. hahaha!!!

 
What if (should have!) your coworker replied-
 
You: "Yeah my wife drinks that too"...."  Coworker: “Oh really?!!......you ought to give me her number, we might could get a cup together sometime!!" 
 
All insults are open to comebacks..  Great insult though!

 

[Phil]

 
 “Oh really?!!......you ought to give me her number, we might could get a cup together sometime!!" 
 
All insults are open to comebacks..  Great insult though!

 
Here you go (xxx-xxxx).... what are you looking for, tips on picking up dudes, or just girl talk, in general?

 

[oldsalty]

 

[chilli whisperer]

Lol getting some great stuff


You're so ugly,when you were born,the doctor gave you one look,and slapped your mother!

You're so ugly yo mama feeds you with a slingshot!

 

[Nulle]

My hero Groucho Marx was a master of insults:
 
You've got the brain of a four year old child - and he was glad to get rid of it!

 

[Rymerpt]

About the best insult is to look someone in the face, exclaim WOW, hand over mouth snicker, and just walk away.

 

[kentishman]

Winston Churchill was a master of the insult. If you haven't already seen them, here are a couple:

Said of Clement Atlee: He is a modest man, who has much to be modest about.

Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!
Churchill: Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.

 

[Rymerpt]

Does it hurt? What? To be so fucking stupid.

 

[GrowTheHeat]

I'm sorry, did I cut you with my sharp wit? (when someone says ow)
 
I heard Weight Watchers needed before picture models...
 
Did the vet forget to spay you at your check-up? Cause you are one moody bitch...
 
 
 
That's all I got that's even mildly forum appropriate.

 

[El Angeleno]

Yur mama so old her breast milk is powdered.

 

[Rymerpt]

Your hair is only receeding to escape you ugly mug.