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JOKE TIME!!!!

bubbaschili

bubbaschili

ok ladies and germs things getting a little wierd around here so let me tell ya a joke to lighten the mood.....
guy walks into a bar...at the end of the bar is a mayonaise jar full of 20 dollar bills...guy says..whats the deal with the money?? bartender says...you do 3 tasks i give you and you get all the money. you dont hear the tasks until you put in the money and you cant pull your money out after you hear the tasks.
dude puts in 20 dollars..........what do i do?
1 drink a gallon of tequiela without batting a eye
2. mean ole pit bull out back with a bad tooth..pull the tooth with your bear hands.
3. my 90 year old granny is upstairs and has never been satisfied by a man....you got to get that job done.
guy says to the bartender......let me think on this a spell.

he anounces to the bar ......give me that tequila.....the bar erupts with claps and horrays.
he guzzles the whole gallon down ......didn't blink a eye.
he wipes his mouth and says.........where is that stupid dog.
bartender...........out back
guy gose outside you hear bitting and yelping and the most god awful fight you ever heard in your life....
guy walks into the bar....all bloodie and messed up...he looks at the bartender and says...........ok where is that old chick with the bad tooth??
 
Young girl walks into the doctors office for her annual checkup. She removes her robe and the doctor sees a large "Y" scratched into her chest. The girl explains her boyfriend went to Yale, and he has this thick sweater he refuses to take off, even when they make love. The doctor understands, strange as it may seem, and continues with the physical.

Next young girl walks in, takes off her robe, and there is a big "H" scratched into her chest. She explains basically the same thing, but her boyfriend went to Harvard.

Third and final girl walks in, takes off her robe, and there is a big "W" scratched into her chest. Before the girl could explain, the doctor says, "Don't tell me, your boyfriend goes to Wisconsin". The girl looks at the doctor strangely and states, "Nope, my girlfriend goes to Michagan".
 
LOL... almost didn't get it.
 
Two jokes which we've probably heard already;

"Two guys walk into a bar, thrid guy ducks."

"An Irishman walks past a bar....hey, it could happen."
 
Blind guy walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. He starts spinning it around over his head. The floor manager asks him what he is doing, he replies, "Just looking around".
 
imaguitargod said:
"An Irishman walks past a bar....hey, it could happen."
Click to expand...
A chili head buys a habanero at the store, goes home and takes the seeds out of it before he eats it...hey, it could happen. :(
 
A bum walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a toothpick, the bartender gives him a toothpick, and the bums leaves. 10 seconds later, another bum walks in, and also asks for a toothpick. The bartender gives him one, and the bum leaves. This happens 6 or 7 more times, when another bum walks in and asks for a straw. The bartender, thinking there is some sort of joke going on, grabs him by the collar, and asks him what the hell is going on. The bum replies, “Well sir, some guy threw up his lunch all over the sidewalk, and all the big pieces are gone.”
 
DEFCON Creator said:
“Well sir, some guy threw up his lunch all over the sidewalk, and all the big pieces are gone.”
Click to expand...
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A guy walks into a bar with a snapping turtle. He looks the bartender square in the eye and says "I'm the toughest mother in this place. I bet you a drink that I can make one full lap around the bar with this snapping turtle hanging from my wanker." The bartender laughs and says "your on tough guy". The guy whips it out, the turtle chomps down and the guy walks all the way around the bar. The place gets dead quiet, nobody can believe what they're seeing. He gets back to his stool, thumps the turtle on the head and it releases. He sits the turtle back on the bar and yells out, " Any of you sissies think your man enough to make it all the way around the bar?" Once again there is dead silence, everybody is in absolute awe of this guy. Then another guy speaks up from the corner of bar "Yeah, hell...... I think I can make it around the bar twice! But you have to promise not to hit me on the head that hard."
 
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”

The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”

The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
 
imaguitargod said:
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.”

The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.”

The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Click to expand...
LOL....so that's what they mean by "hot poker"
 
What's the difference between Canadian and American hot sauce lovers?

Americans can handle heat and Canadians edited out by Tina Brooks




Not really edited by Tina... that was the joke :) Hehe. Just having fun Tina :).
 
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