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Tales from the Loo: Chile's Attack!!

This thread is great, the imagery of texas blues rants and others are priceless. I have one question, was AJ's recent Home Depot experience inspired by your older, but equally colorful thread ? Second, Kat, I want an original "signature", with one of your own observations as inspired as texas blues. Unless of course if you are vicariously living through his exploits, haha...

Ghosty... :rofl:
 
HAH! AJ's Home Despot thread was/is a longtime interwebz joke posted on many a forum. Mine was all for true. Much obliged for letting me entertain you and feel free to post up in here about your own brand of sheer terror from the loo.
 
Seriously? AJ's Home Depot story was crap? (quite literally).

See what I mean TB? This happens to me all the time....
 
So here is my tale from the loo.

My tale started on Monday. My wife cooked up some nice chicken and Spanish rice for dinner and as usual I cut up a fresh red bhut to throw into my rice. Food was wonderful, nothing beats a fresh bhut in my opinion, but it seemed a bit hotter than normal. About 12:30 AM I wake up with the worst poo pain I have ever experienced, and I run downstairs. I spend the next hour in the bathroom praying that I can pass this beast of a pepper. After several movements the pain in my insides only gets worse and I feel myself go pale and start sweating, next thing I know I am actually fighting to stay conscious. Never in my life have I been in this kind of pain. Whats strange is that exit door really isn't even on fire. I spend the next 6 hours going back and forth from the couch to the toilet never seeming to get any relief. I begin to curse God, chicken, and PEPPERS. I begin to promise the universe that I will never touch a pepper again if only it will save me from the pain.

At 6:30 AM I decide its time to wake the wife up to take me to the hospital. I fear what she is going to say since she is always against my pepper addiction, telling me its going to put me in the hospital someday. By this time the pain has moved to my back and I start to wonder if the pepper is somehow blocked in my colon. I bite the bullet and go to the hospital around 8. By the time I get there the pain is so bad that I can barely stand up and all of my appendages are twitching uncontrollably. The admitting nurse takes my vitals and sees that my BP and heart rate are really high and they put me in a room. I lie in the bed contorting in pain for two hours until the doctor arrives. She sees what pain I am in and orders me up a shot of Dilaudid. :dance:

Things get a bit fuzzy from that point on, but I am told they wheeled me in for a CAT scan. About an hour later the doctor comes in and tells me that it has nothing to do with my poop chute and that I have a kidney stone! :party: Never did I think that kidney stones would be good news, but when my pepper eating comes into danger I will take kidney stones any day. So I got discharged with some prescriptions for pain and ended up passing the stone without any pain.

Video of me after the Dilaudid injection
http://flic.kr/p/bVroYh
 
Wet ones gentlemen. Worth their weight in gold when strategically placed near all the loo's in the house. In extreme cases, grab a roll of bounty paper towels when the thunder starts a rollin' in the tummy and working its way through the colon!
 
GPS,

Your experience sounds errily similar to mine a few years back, once it started, I ended up on the bathroom floor curled in a little ball gasping for breath. I got to the hospital, ER, before entering (barely able to walk) I threw up in their outside trash bin, how nice....

Once they got a look at me, even before testing they stuck a needle in my neck of some narcotic, could have been morphine and the pain subsided, and the stone, 4 mm, passed on it's own about a week later. I have often said if you want information from your enemies, forget waterboarding, that is for woosies, give em a big fat old kidney stone instead, and hold the pain meds until they give up the ghosty (pun intended)..

Hope you had yours removed, I had one this fall, 9 mm and one blast of a laser broke it into a million pieces, looked like rock candy the urologist said. Oh yeah, due to the trauma it caused on my right side, two weeks after surgery I got a case of the shingles !!! Stress like a stone attack can bring it on. The important thing is that within forty eight hours of the onset of symptoms before it spreads down the nerves is to get on anti-viral meds which I did. This kept the outbreak from spreading. Good tip to know in case it ever happens to you. My brother in law waited over a week when he had shingles and still has residual nerve pain in the affected areas to this day on and off, so get treated right away. Ghosty... out...
 
Thanks for the tip. Mine was 3.5 and they gave me a script for FloMax which they said would make it pass quickly. They also gave me a round of antibiotics. I am going to go look up the symptoms for shingles now. I still seem to have a bit of pain in my kidney, I am off the pain meds today because I can't function on them at all.

Edit: I have had the chickenpox vaccine when I was in the military, it turns out that it might actually prevent shingles. Thanks tax-payers!
 
One more thing, since my last stone was as big as a 9 mm bullet and had moved down the urter to within a few inches of my bladder, the pain I experienced was not intense, it was nausea that would come and go as I ate and drank. Because it was the most common type, calcium oxalate the Urologist said it looked like a big piece of rock candy, and since the shape was not like a plug, fluid could find its way by the stone. When you have a stone lower like that you may get cramps that feel like a hernia, but it isn't.

Funny too, I had my kidney's xrayed last fall but they didn't pick up anything, because the stone was already almost to the bladder, live and learn I guess. You need an abdominal xray and lower GI xray to be sure. if I had the lower xray it would have been found 3 months before it finally was. The calcium oxalate makes sense too because I make too much calcium due to another condition I have. I take magnesium supplements because a ratio of 2 parts calcium to 1 part magnesium is necessary for your body to process and remove calcium from your system. My blood work came back in the normal range for the second year in a row because of the magnesium I use to keep it in check, and I assume to help in preventing formation of more kidney stones.

ghosty...
 
stan-suddenly-regretted.jpg
 
Reading through this again three-years or so after I posted and I still laugh until a bit of wee comes out. I'm a classy chap and no-mistake. :halo:
 
Lol, I thought it was just me and my addiction for Bhuts so I never told anyone except my wife, who has had to listened to me moan and watch me sweat it out.

Like an idiot I forget to eat properly before indulging and after two or three Bhuts on an empty stomach I get the napalm pee and the Tyson abb punches to go along with the Oxy-Acetylene torch rear end exam. I do like the endorphin rush but the almost passing out and cold sweats I can live without :o)

Thank you all for the laughs...
 
Yessir.

Chiles are like drugs for me.

Keith Richards once said...

"I don't have a problem with drugs..."

"I have a problem with the police."

For me its the baffroom police.
 
I've got the infamous ringsting today, it's a new experience for me but somehow I find it quite "okay", it's uncomfortable sure but then again it's quite ... warm.
 
This morning was touch and go y'all. First Bluesdawg missylou woke me up at 1 phuckin 45 in the aye emm because of massive t-storms, rain, wind, and all manner of wrath of God sheeit. And kept me up! Normally I'm up at 4 so this screwed up my colon's time clock. After last nights mao'ing of all veggie garlic, onion, and jalapeno taco's, something was afoot in the ether of my bowels. I eventually made my way to The Blues Shitter and ejected a very nice flaming "package" from my mudcat chute. Everthang was copasetic until later when I jumped in my truck to head for work. I started to feel a little rumble about halfway to my destination and was somewhat concerned but thought I was close enough not to worry. WRONG! Thang's quickly were escalating and I had the sensation that the alien critter inside was going to do an alien "colon burst" like the chest burst thang in that movie. I rolled up to the back door of the joint, unlocked it, and ran inside praying to God I hadn't forgotten the code to the alarm. Got it! Then I ran for the women's rest room, flinging off my jacket on the way. Made it! I always choose the women's when noone's around. Old ladies don't piss on the seat from what I can tell so not too much need for a porcelain condom, 'sides that I already have enough hair on my ass to knit a Navajo rug which by itself scares the sheeit out of any bacterial critters looking to jump on and take the elevator up to the observation deck. Anyhouse, there I was sweating and twitching and then HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! P...P....P.....P.....P........POOOOOOOOOH!!!!! The burning. The itching. The swelling and stretching. Cheeze Us have mercy!!! 'Bout that time I for some odd reason, started thinking about that bitch I have for a witch doctor. I'm going to find another doctor as she pulled a rotten trick on me my last exam. i had changed into the patient "smock" which is more or less a backless and bottomless apron when she asked me to jump on the table, lay down and roll over on my side. It didn't occur to me what was about to happen next.....

"JESUS DOC!!!! Did you just stick a unicorn up my ass????"

" Just try and relax."

BLOODY HELL!!! At least take off your phucking rings, you're tearing me up with that sheeit!!!"

i'm not wearing any rings. That's my watch."

: fade out and back to the bathroom scene :

So there I sat burning and smoking in a sulphur stench that could have exterminated the dinosaurs and I thought to myself...
"Self! Don't change doctor's. Your next exam is in 2 months. Go to her ripe and ready to pop just like you were just now. Maybe even with a little stinger on deck poking out."

Take that biotch!!!!!!
 
Thanks for that TB. :rofl:


And thanks for turning me on to this way back when...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faNqHcra7tY&sns=em
 
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