The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[geeme]

FLOUR TORTILLAS ARE SACRILEGE IN TEXAS, TB!

Oh my, what is the world coming to???

 

[texas blues]

FLOUR TORTILLAS ARE SACRILEGE IN TEXAS, TB!

Oh my, what is the world coming to???

Apparently you haven't been to the Rio Grand Valley. Nary a corn tortilla to be seen. I eat both. I prefer corn as they are lower cal, but sometimes only a flour tortilla can hold all that big burrito hotness. Skirt steak fajitas on flour tortilla's ROCK harder than penitentiary steel.
Texas is flour. Californication is corn.

 

[paulky_2000]

I'd eat those shrimps folded into a used paper plate.

 

[texas blues]

I'd eat those shrimps folded into a used paper plate.

My Man! Do it up right and I'd eat shrimp wrapped in toilet paper!

 

[RocketMan]

Whew, what a night!

So, last night after enjoying several Sierra Nevada Glissades I made this really good chicken. Now it’s been a while since I posted to the DC and didn’t even think to grab my camera or phone and grab some shots so I could and I paid the price for that as you’ll see. After eating and watching a movie I headed up to bed. I got my pillow arranged just right and started drifting off when the sound of Steel Drums, a Pedal Steel Guitar and Conga Drums started to fill the room. Slowly it got louder when an announcer’s voice said “Put your hands together for Texas Blues and the DC Band!” Well, out walks TB in his Thong with his Flat Top and he step up to the microphone. The music takes up a Jimmy Buffet song and TB starts singing:

“I really do appreciate your cutting up all the shrooms,
Dicing the onion and mincing garlic too.
Now pass me the chicken I’ll throw some prawns in too,
So why don’t we get drunk and cook.

Why don’t we get drunk and cook,
I just borrowed Salsa Lady’s Cast Iron,
It’s big enough for me and you.
You say Pauly is a Drama Queen
And SoFlo needs more brews
So why don’t we get drunk and cook

Why don’t we get drunk and cook,
I just borrowed Salsa Lady’s Cast Iron,
It’s big enough for me and you.
You say Pauly is a Drama Queen
And SoFlo needs more brews
So why don’t we get drunk and cook
JayT we need a little Bacon
So why don’t we get drunk and cook
geeme it’s Better with some Cheddar
So why don’t we get drunk and cook

In Muskogee Oklahoma USA.”

The music was great and as applause exploded from some where TB looks at me and says “Thanks RocketMan, I’ll be here all night” and I sat bolt upright in bed, sweating, eyes burning with the image of TB in his Thong still fresh. As I started to settle down and my eyes began to function again I happened to look over at the door and there was TB’s thong hanging on the door knob and I woke again with a start to the sound of a microwave finishing. I was in the kitchen and JayT was plating some of his microwave hot dog awesomeness. He hands me the dogs and a cold beer smiles and says, “It’s going to be ok now RM. Just remember, next time you make something worthy of DC posting, you have to post it.” And it was. I finished the dogs and drifted off to sleep again to dream of a beautiful tropical beach, cold beer, awesome microwave hot dogs and Jimmy Buffet music.

So, all you Drunken Chef’s let this stand as a warning. If you don’t want a midnight visit from TB in his thong and the DC Band, post those Drunken creations!

Oh, TB, the music was really GREAT!!

True Story!!

 

[JayT]

Holy crap.

 

[Marcie]

Song needs a little more JayT in it, in my opinion. And a hot dog reference.

But solid.

 

[JayT]

Thank you. I thought the same thing. Solid. Solid like a rock.

 

[paulky_2000]

.....could use a little cowbell.

 

[JayT]

You can always use a little more cowbell right PF? That is my favorite SNL skit of all time.

Edit again. I am laughing my a$$ off listening to this again. You have to watch it!

 

[SumOfMyBits]

Some more cowbell!!!

Great looking grubbage in the last couple days.

Mc's stepped up with some HBD madness.
Marcie and her sideways pic made me feel drunk right off the bat.
Sardines and hot sauce in the can... true drunkard food if consumed from the can, as I suspect it was.

SoFlo does need more brew. We run out WAY too often!

Last weekend SoFlo worked up some magic in the FD kitchen... and forgot to take pics. We didn't post anything about it though. I don't know how TB found out about it, but sure enough... the next morning there was a silly band merkin at my doorstep.

True Story.

 

[JayT]

TB is Lord of the Merkins. Sum, how exactly do you run out of beer? I mean the way you cats get down, I would think that you would be a stop on the beer truck's delivery route. In the words of the great American, Larry the Cable Guy: Git-R-Done!

 

[midwestchilehead]

Mine too, JayT. I can never listen to "Don't Fear the Reaper" on the radio without a big smile spreading across my face. Classic!

You can always use a little more cowbell right PF? That is my favorite SNL skit of all time.

Edit again. I am laughing my a$$ off listening to this again. You have to watch it!

 

[RocketMan]

I GOT THE FEVER AND THE ONLY PERSCRIPTION IS













MORE COW BELL!!!!!!!!
And a few more drunkin shrimp on the barbee!!!!!!

 

[Deathtosnails]

Exact same sardines I get. I too drain the oil off for my furry big nosed four legged human. I looooves habenero Tabasco with a small shot of extra vinegar and spread it on wholemeal toast.

 

[texas blues]

missylou and I are both wondering how we got involved in this latest spat of postings. DTS YOU know your chit! I recognize and compliment you sir!

Rocketman....I have no words. Jay on teh other hand..and for damn sho' SoFlo..look up "party machine" on wiki and you'll find FD4 and SUM on there...I WILL par tay and go fishin' with those guys. How I'll survive I don't know.

As far as teh dreams...lay off the lysergicaciddiathylamide. That goes for your too Nova!

 

[salsalady]

Rocketman, you can borrow my CI any time!

I stir-fried dinner in the CI skillet a couple days ago...no stickage...

true story!

dead camera battery + empty bota box=no pics...... I know....no pics=didn't happen~~~~


stay tuned for another brine tomorrow! Oh YEA!



And for those who have been paying attention, I did return the neighbor's CI DO....seasoned a few times with the DO cooking, a chicken or 2 and with instructions for her to keep the CI properly conditioned for the next time I need to borrow it!



When I returned the CI pot, she asked me where/when did I get it? I told her... I was looking for the CI pot she said she'd leave out for me to pick up, and I saw this one on their back porch all rusted and out in the weather. So I took it home, gave it a little loving rub with oil and heated it up....and Oh YEA! Baby!...it's as good as new when returned!



dah dah de dah dah...dah dah de dah dah....musical refrain~~~~~~~~

 

[RocketMan]

Thanks SL pulled out Old Faithful tonight after some Key Wests. Feeling like some Mexican food, so thought some Tostadas would be good. I missed getting a shot of the players. So to list we have 2 lbs Ground Beef, 2 onions, Chili Powder, Cumin, Garlig, Mexican Oregano, Tomato Sauce.

Sauté onion then added ground beef and browner it. Add spices and tomato sauce and let simmer So the flavors get happy.

Now fry up some flour and corn tortillas.

Time to plate. Put a flour tortilla down, then meat, cheese, corn tirtillia, meat, cheese then a nice dolop of sour cream. I used a nice portion of my Habapeno Hot Sauce.

And a clod one

And it was goooooooood tiooioooooo!

 

[RocketMan]

Dang IPhone locked up and then double posts. Sorry boss

 

[paulky_2000]

Hubba hubba!!!!