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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
patty melted's

The players... (gadgets)

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Get teh scale out... 2 oz each...

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Make sure they're all the same...

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Tortilla press makes'em nice and thin...

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Patty melts, box wine, SL's sauces, hhhwhiskey, drunken CJ. That is just way to much win right there!!! Nice patty smahsher. :lol: That must be the deluxe one. BTW, are you standing on a step ladder for some of those pics?

I did a little stromboli action.

I forgot to take pics of the dough, but it is two parts 00 and 1 part all-purpose flour. I let it rise once, then split it into two and let it cold rise again for a day. The meats are ham, salami, pepperoni, and Italian sausage. The cheese is mostly mozzarella with a little cheddar and provolone. The drink is wodka and sweet tea. The boli is served with some bhut puree marinara.

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You know what is really cool about having an iPad?

It's nice to embrace it when I see stuff like that.. ^^^

Yeah, I actually hugged my iPad Jay.

Oops, I did it again.

That is a work of art Jay.
 
Scovie, you surprised me. I didn't actually think I was gonna see pics. The sandwich bot usage is spot on. No doubt those melts were awesome.


JT- Daaaaaaammmmmmmmnnn... that thing looks awesome.
 
Thanks guys, I have been working on my dough recipe for a long LONG time. I think I finally have it where I like it. The shine on that boli just comes from a simple egg wash for anyone who doesn't know.
 
It's just a simple Tortilla Press Grant. I don't usually make 2 oz patties, but I wanted to double up the patties on the melts.
I was drunk as s^%# what can I say? lol

No Jay no step stool was used in the drunken photography shoot, thank gawd.

That dough looks perfect. nice and flaky, and holds up without looking chewy.

Yes Sum, sometimes I surprise myself. :rofl:
 
I've not made tortillas at home yet, but I've seen a couple of entries around here in the past months that make me want to try my hand at that too, for sure ...

there's not enough time to try everything!
 
Awesome DC entry wheebz. that whole plate looks like it slid off the counter.

I can just see it... Leaning over the counter face stuffing like the Hoff eats his burgers.
 
Nice drunken cheffery and tomfoolishnessessess goinz on.

Smashed patty smelts, a pizza "rollup", and wheebz sheeit tacky sliders.

I can dig it.
 
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