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Might be over before I've started

AlabamaJack said:
after reading this thread, I realize what a lucky man I am...

sorry for your situation...don't really have anything to suggest...
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Come to think of it your right AJ and I am too - I dont have a huge area myself, a few pots scattered, more so since Jack (my dog) thought that my Plastic Nipples belong in the front yard instead of the back ! My wife was skeptical at first then knew my passion for all things spicy and hot would eventually grow and has accepted my gardening -- besides Im 6'3" 275 -- Are you talkin' to me !?!?!?

Maybe you can plant at your parents house or a community lot?

Sorry Man
 
Sorry to hear that. My wife isn't crazy about what I've done and what I plan to do with the back yard. I'm not crazy about all the time she spends on horses. Such is life.

I'm going to get into my "Old Man" mode now. It's sounds like AJ and his wife have already figured this thing out. When two people get married sometimes someone wants to change the other one. Guess what ?? Life does that all by it's self. The secret to a happy marriage IMHO is simple. Both people need to know the other is going to "grow" and change with time. Are you same and do you still enjoy all the same things you did when you were a child? Does your wife still play with dolls or have a tea with her make believe friends? I hope you answered no to both of those questions. To me you have to love the other person and enjoy them as they grow. You have to allow them to grow..... and they should do the same with you. Enjoying the other person's growth as a person is the only way. If you try to stop it .... nothing but problems will follow.

Peace & good luck Bro,
P. Dreadie
 
SouthernYooper said:
Sometimes you gotta stand up for the little things that keep you sane. Keep the garden.....unless it's at the cost of a marriage. But I understand it is hard to stick with something when someone is always raggin on ya about it. Hope ya stick around for many seasons.
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Totally agreed. But I would go so far as to say, if she's really dead-set against something you love to the point of no possible change... screw the marriage. *ducks*

It might sound wrong, but my view is that if two people can't get along with each other's interests... then why would they be married in the first place? Constant fighting over personal differences shouldn't be a problem. If I want to drink beer every once in a while (or even weekly), but my "wife" is completely against even the idea of anything containing alcohol, you can bet I'd ditch her instead of her "problem." If I want to play video games but for some reason that's not allowed, I'll take the games (which I grew up on, so I'll never give them up). If I like death metal and black metal music, and comedy and horror movies, well, that's my business. Stay out of it... I have my fascinations, everyone else has theirs. No need to intrude and change other people's interests to perfectly match yours.

Then again... you've just touched upon the primary reason I don't believe in marriage, and would rather stay single. No need to be pleasing others with every damn thing I do. As long as I'm happy myself, nothing else matters.

patrick said:
Man. So she's already made you get rid of all of your other hobbies. Now she wants you to stop the only one you have left. Wonder what she's going to bitch about after you quit this one? What's the consequences if you don't stop? She keeps bitching? Sounds to me she just likes to bitch.
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I also completely agree with what patrick said. It sounds mean... but what other way is there to say it? I would ditch her before my interests. That's usually more likely than "agreeing" on different subjects. If you can come to an agreement, good... but if you only keep fighting... why bother?
 
The only concern my better half had is when I wanted to grow Bhut's, she thought I was insane, but then she bought me prestarted Bhut Jolokia, and a scotch bonnet.
 
i think in a marriage you need to really respect the other person, and part of that respect is letting them still be their own person while being part of the entity, sounds like she is trying to kill your "own person" and make you a mindless husband. Sound slike you need to have a talk with your wife. I think instead of posting here, you should have said what you said above to her, let her know that this is something you really enjoy and makes you happy, myabe she just doesn't know how you feel about it (besides they really like when you talk about feelings and crap :crazy: )
 
the real question is: are you neglecting her or your duties as a husband/father for the sake of your gardening?

...Communication is key though. Talk to her. Un-playful belittling of a loved one is just not right.. All of this sounds like there are some huge underlying problems that you haven't resolved :-\

--

I'm lucky to have the girlfriend I have; anything that keeps me busy in the mornings while she wants to stay in bed and sleep late is a welcomed activity. Plus, there's also the fact that we understand that it's in our natures to become extremely involved in our hobbies. I can understand when she spends a whole night watching Anime, or when she decides to start and finish a 450 page book in one night; She understands when I spend 3 hours straight gaming, or when I "try to finish the pepper-internets".
 
It is time to stand up and grow a pair. Draw a line, and don't compromise on this. If you give up everything you love and enjoy, what will you have left? Your marriage will feel like a trap and you will begin to resent the woman you married. This isn't really about gardening it is more about control, she wants total control over your life, and that is not a marriage.

Gardening is a good thing, especially if you involve the kids. It teaches them responsibility, patience, planning, and gets them out of the house. I wish you luck in your future endeavor. It's ok to change somethings about yourself, but in a marriage don't expect the other person to "change" it's not going to happen. You have to learn to grow together.
 
Marriage is give and take from both partners and it sounds like she isn't willing to give, so you need to let her know who wears the pants in the family and stand up for your interests. If she isn't willing to grant you your interests and believes she has the right to control your innocent activities, while she does as she pleases, that lifetime relationship is one I wouldn't tolerate.

Life is far too short and if your relationship didn't improve with understanding on her part, move on dude.
 
Keep the garden even if it costs the marriage......... no wait you have a kid I see.......get rid of the garden and stay together for your 3 year olds sake.
 
chillilover said:
Keep the garden even if it costs the marriage......... no wait you have a kid I see.......get rid of the garden and stay together for your 3 year olds sake.
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As the child of divorced parents I disagree with keeping together just "for the sake" of a kid.
I'm happy my parents were able to find happiness without having to be constantly at each other's throats. Even as a third grader, I understood this.
My ex-gf's parents waited until she and her brother were both in college to divorce. Pretty sure she had more issues dealing with that at that age than I did in second/third grade.
I have a lot to say on this, but I won't clog the thread any further.
 
Sounds to me your wife resents the fact that you have a hobby, maybe she needs to find one other than visiting with her mother and sister all the time. What does she want you to do, sit around the house and watch tv all the time. There are certainly worse things you could be into. Kids love gardening, at least passively, the flowers the fruit the bugs and the dirt. Just get your kid involved and that will force your wife to find something else to worry about. This is probably not about gardening anyway, try to find out what her problem is really.
 
What i understand about relationships is that when you're too good a husband/son/brother or whatever, they will end up picking on something else that you're doing. Nitpicking. It's annoying.

It's either you set the standards of expectations low enough so everything else is tolerable for the other side or they dont expect anything from you at all.

That's what i do. Or i tend to manipulate the people around mr so i get what i want. I'm evil. Sorry. Lol.
 
It's unnatural to not love gardening. It's in the genes...everyone's ancestors had to farm, especially women. Much blood has been spilled for good soil.

Oh and I think being a good gardener helps to develop those qualities necessary for making good relationships with others.
 
It's unnatural to not love gardening. It's in the genes...everyone's ancestors had to farm, especially women. Much blood has been spilled for good soil.
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i'm filipino, my grandfather and his grandfather before him were farmers. my dad started as an ice cream maker and sold it in the streets barefoot! but that is another story. lol.

i'm just continuing tradition. i might make ice cream too. lol.
 
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