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The Chronicles of JayT

I was lucky enough to catch up with JayBieb at this year's Grammy's after-party chili cookoff, where he won Hottest Chili. He really thought he was hot sh*t. He bought me a beer. It was PBR. I told him the most interesting man in the world drinks Dos Equis. He told me to look in the can. It was that old dude from the commercial trapped inside. He laughed like the sick bastard he is, and we drank till dawn. He left me with the tab.
 

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SumOfMyBits said:
I know I'm at least 8 deep right now, and realized that noise on this thread has turned into a whisper.

Thanks "El Jefe" for regulating.

Gratuitous Chronicle of JayT:

This morning I was dramatically woken out of sleep by Kris-Kross blaring from my stereo downstairs.

Still groggy, I managed to make my way down the stairs of my two story townhouse... totally confused by the situation [I live alone... and there was no reason THIS should have been happening.] I turned my head to the left as I reached the bottom tread, and peaked my head around the corner towards the kitchen.

There was JayT totally "crossed out" while wearing a skull-cap with his arms crossed, and nodding like he knew something was about to go down. His jeans were on backwards and everything!

I then noticed the Dutch Oven behind him on my wooden breakfast table... rockin' with ten coals on the bottom, and twelve red coals on the lid. He was doin' something right, BUT my table was of the wooden persuasion.

Still in a stupor, and knowing that my great grand-father had built that table, I had no option but to roll with a profanity.

"What the F JayT!?!"

JayT, put his hand up in the gesture of "stop... I got this", and proceeded to pull a small weathered leather bag from his pocket.

It had what looked like a chicken drum-stick bone sticking out the top. That's when I noticed all the chicken-feet surrounding the Dutch Oven.

He told me that he had voodooed my table into a not combustible surface by waving the weathered leather bag consisting of a chicken bone, a merkin, and a piece of P2K's dress.

Then he whipped out some card-board and started break-dancing.

True story.
Click to expand...


JayT has some of the sickest moves ever! Any way to make them better would involve roller-skates.

BTW, inside the Dutch Oven were microwaved hot-dogs... and they were gewd.

True Story.
 
Gotta admit, Sum, I'm just not into your references to a cape. I mean, come on man, everyone knows JayT doesn't need a cape to fly..... he just does what comes natural for him. And then he makes microwaved hot dogs.
 
JayT's cape has nothing to do with his flying abilities. He uses pure will of mind to do that.

I'd love for him to put that glittery purple thing in the closet and forget about it. Maybe even sign it and give it to Chuck Norris... I don't care.

Then, maybe, we can take him more seriously.

Yep, some feral cat just told me he heard us... the cape is done, and I'm microwaving a hot-dog.

True Story
 
.....

Then JayT said "LET THERE BE LIGHT"

And just like that, the microwave light came on, the timer dinged, and there were fresh hot dogs for everyone.
 
Some buddies and I went to Nathans Hot Dogs for the yearly hot dog eating contest. We were poised and ready for battle - We all decided to give up when an Asian man ate 300 hot dogs in 30 minutes. Not to be out down, JayBieb ate 3 Asian men in 3 seconds! and didnt microwave them first!

True Story
 
Desert Storm-The sky was dark and full of desert lightning when we crossed into Iraq. Pushing on to the North we were on a search and destroy for the elete Republican Guard units of Sadam. As we crossd the 32nd parallel we found them and engaged. The battle was close and fierce. Tank against tank, soldier against soldier we were evenly matched but as the main battle moved off to the east my platoon became pined down by superior numbers. No matter, we were determined to continue the fight for as long as we could.

The poor victims of our fire storm continued to mount and our ammo started to run low. "Make them count boys!" I urged my men on knowing we were going to be out soon if something didn't happen. That's when the brightest flash of light I had ever seen came. At first I thought they had used a nuke on us. As I raise my head to look again I saw him, standing there, bullets flying all around him, taking stock of the situation. Just as I was wondering who is this, he look over at me and said "Relax, don't worry. Get your men together here. I've got this Sarge." And he was gone faster than a sniper bullet. I watched in amazement as he zoomed around the battlefield taking the enemies weapons away from them and with a sharp slap to the face revealing to them the errors of their ways.

In no time there was a huge pile of weapons and a line of men walking away. I looked around at my men. No one had been injured. Then I looked up at this stranger. He was standing off to the side and had, from somewhere had found a generator and a microwave and the most awesome smell of hot dogs was floating through the air. "Your JayT. I've heard stories but, I thought they were just stories." He just smiled ans said, "Chows ready, get them while they're hot!" It seemed like there was no end to the supply of the wonderful tasting dogs. When we had all had our fill I looked around for him but JayT was gone as fast as he'd arrived. I wondered if I'd really seen him or if it was something brought on by the stress of combat but there right where it had been was a generator and microwave. "Thanks JayT" I whispered " You really saved our a$$e$" I formed up my men and we headed out to rejoin our unit. Alive to fight another day thanks to him. JayT, I'll never forget him.


True Story

RocketMan out.

Edit: Anyone ever notice that Sadam spelled backwards is Mad A$$, well sort of?
 
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