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Top 10 Douchebag cars of all time!

I just thought this was pretty funny, folks, so i reposted it.
(and yes, i made the list also...numbers 6, 5 and 4 i'm guilty of:lol:)


10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.


..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.


..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metrodouchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!


..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.


..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.


..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these cocky bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their penis size. Often the SS Douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of *******s) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.


..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the mustang cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-dicked, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.


..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated penis enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these twats a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.


..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners penis size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is b ogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.

and now...


The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All


Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't racing, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on, SRT4 owners, Douche on!:
 

Philipperv

Banned
I have to put in a plug for the 1984 Buick Century DIESEL. Completely falls into the "What were they thinking?" category.
 
Yep....SRT4 owners take the cake. One guy showed up at an open track day (road track) with an infrared timer (times your laps).

I was just there watching, not racing, and was getting a smoke from my car when this idiot walked up and just told me out of the blue, "My car's faster than your old piece of junk... I'll prove it." as he waggled the transmitter in my face.

Now, mind you, I was a spectator at that event. I didn't even bring a helmet. So I told him, "Tear it up. I'll watch." Well, this is a pretty tight road course and at 1st glance it appears to be a symmetric loop. It's not. Not even close.

Well, if you were driving a 52' RV (band tour bus) around that track, you could probably get a time somewhere in the 5 minute range. This guy pulled a time of 4 minutes and some change. Now...rarely, do you ever hear tires chirp or scream when drivers know what they're doing. This guy must've been trying to set some kind of sound record with all of the rubber he was laying on the track.

Anyway, he finds me after his 3 laps of BS and makes me look at his times. I say, "Not too shabby. Are you on street tires?"

"No, I'm driving the top of the line. The tires came with the car." (aka- street tires, nothing fancy) "No way you can beat those times!!!"

After telling him I don't have a helmet, he continued to prod me and challenge me to get my car on the track.....he even bet me $100 I couldn't beat his times.

Well, the owner of the Mazda group saw all of this, and gave me a helmet to use..."Kill this guy...I'll spot you the cash."

Now I take pride in my '83 Datsun 280zx. It's usually clean and shiny, and for the most part, I just pimp it...I don't get on it all that much, but I know what it can do. It's pretty quick. When I fired it up....he took a few steps back. I do have a tasty sounding exhaust.

1st (of 3 laps): I take it easy, get to know the track again, find my apexes, see where my suspension tears loose, etc... 3.90 on the timer.

2nd lap: Getting to know some of the more challenging corners better, and trying not to drift.... 3.10

3rd lap: All out......if I was racing for real, this was it. 2.35 (even the Mazda guy was impressed) As I crossed the Start/Finnish I waved through my open t-tops.

I pulled up in the paddock area (basically the pit area), right next to the almighty SRT4, and shut it off. "Well, I guess you're right. No way I can beat your times. "

"@#$% you!! Uh...(Excuses abound...something about my car being rear drive, etc...)"

Ten people showed up at my car. It was time for paying the bet, and they let him know.

Last thing we heard from him....... "You better not let me see you on the street!!!"

...moron
 
DD you really got to love the morons, especially the one that allow their mouths to over ride their rear end...LOL I wish I could have been there to watch. I bet it was great! :lol:
 
DevilDuck said:
"You better not let me see you on the street!!!"
Why would you worry? He's already shown that he can't catch you and if you allowed him to, he'd only get beat again!

Ha! Pretty funny story man!
 
DevilDuck said:
Yep....SRT4 owners take the cake. One guy showed up at an open track day (road track) with an infrared timer (times your laps).

I was just there watching, not racing, and was getting a smoke from my car when this idiot walked up and just told me out of the blue, "My car's faster than your old piece of junk... I'll prove it." as he waggled the transmitter in my face.

Now, mind you, I was a spectator at that event. I didn't even bring a helmet. So I told him, "Tear it up. I'll watch." Well, this is a pretty tight road course and at 1st glance it appears to be a symmetric loop. It's not. Not even close.

Well, if you were driving a 52' RV (band tour bus) around that track, you could probably get a time somewhere in the 5 minute range. This guy pulled a time of 4 minutes and some change. Now...rarely, do you ever hear tires chirp or scream when drivers know what they're doing. This guy must've been trying to set some kind of sound record with all of the rubber he was laying on the track.

Anyway, he finds me after his 3 laps of BS and makes me look at his times. I say, "Not too shabby. Are you on street tires?"

"No, I'm driving the top of the line. The tires came with the car." (aka- street tires, nothing fancy) "No way you can beat those times!!!"

After telling him I don't have a helmet, he continued to prod me and challenge me to get my car on the track.....he even bet me $100 I couldn't beat his times.

Well, the owner of the Mazda group saw all of this, and gave me a helmet to use..."Kill this guy...I'll spot you the cash."

Now I take pride in my '83 Datsun 280zx. It's usually clean and shiny, and for the most part, I just pimp it...I don't get on it all that much, but I know what it can do. It's pretty quick. When I fired it up....he took a few steps back. I do have a tasty sounding exhaust.

1st (of 3 laps): I take it easy, get to know the track again, find my apexes, see where my suspension tears loose, etc... 3.90 on the timer.

2nd lap: Getting to know some of the more challenging corners better, and trying not to drift.... 3.10

3rd lap: All out......if I was racing for real, this was it. 2.35 (even the Mazda guy was impressed) As I crossed the Start/Finnish I waved through my open t-tops.

I pulled up in the paddock area (basically the pit area), right next to the almighty SRT4, and shut it off. "Well, I guess you're right. No way I can beat your times. "

"@#$% you!! Uh...(Excuses abound...something about my car being rear drive, etc...)"

Ten people showed up at my car. It was time for paying the bet, and they let him know.

Last thing we heard from him....... "You better not let me see you on the street!!!"

...moron

Heh heh heh...good one mr. Duck, good one. I've got a co-worker here who just got an SRT-4 not too long ago, and it was like an 'instant dick, just add car' kind of thing. I used to actually like the dude but now that he's a 5-star dick i'm about to knock his ass out.
 

AlabamaJack

Extreme Member
way to shut him down DD...wish I had be a fly on the wall to watch all that take place...I like to watch!!!
 
It was fun....

The thing he didn't know was, that he was making so much noise trying to get me on the track, most everyone heard him and went to the stands to watch the spank fest.

...it also helped that I've been taking racing lessons and know the ability of my car.
 
Ill tell you one thing I never owned an SRT4 but ill tell you one thing man neons roll well lol I should add I remember once after my foreman driving me nuts about his toyota supera I took him on and kicked his ass on a stright away with my 79 blazer(which was far from stock)he knew it but he had the sports car so he thought he ruled lol
 
There's one that's not on the list...

Ford F150 Turbo Diesel Harley Edition, or Lightning. Apparently they think they have the fastest thing on the road. Also, turn signals on those trucks must be a very expensive option.

Now, I can't just smoke one...but I can pull away from one....slowly. ...And the fact that I can even do that seems to boggle their mind.
 
lol too funny Now you mention it I have found half the people with harley stickers on their trucks around here follow the same rule..Now im curious if some unwritten rule or something..
 
DevilDuck said:
Yep....SRT4 owners take the cake. One guy showed up at an open track day (road track) with an infrared timer (times your laps).

I was just there watching, not racing, and was getting a smoke from my car when this idiot walked up and just told me out of the blue, "My car's faster than your old piece of junk... I'll prove it." as he waggled the transmitter in my face.

Now, mind you, I was a spectator at that event. I didn't even bring a helmet. So I told him, "Tear it up. I'll watch." Well, this is a pretty tight road course and at 1st glance it appears to be a symmetric loop. It's not. Not even close.

Well, if you were driving a 52' RV (band tour bus) around that track, you could probably get a time somewhere in the 5 minute range. This guy pulled a time of 4 minutes and some change. Now...rarely, do you ever hear tires chirp or scream when drivers know what they're doing. This guy must've been trying to set some kind of sound record with all of the rubber he was laying on the track.

Anyway, he finds me after his 3 laps of BS and makes me look at his times. I say, "Not too shabby. Are you on street tires?"

"No, I'm driving the top of the line. The tires came with the car." (aka- street tires, nothing fancy) "No way you can beat those times!!!"

After telling him I don't have a helmet, he continued to prod me and challenge me to get my car on the track.....he even bet me $100 I couldn't beat his times.

Well, the owner of the Mazda group saw all of this, and gave me a helmet to use..."Kill this guy...I'll spot you the cash."

Now I take pride in my '83 Datsun 280zx. It's usually clean and shiny, and for the most part, I just pimp it...I don't get on it all that much, but I know what it can do. It's pretty quick. When I fired it up....he took a few steps back. I do have a tasty sounding exhaust.

1st (of 3 laps): I take it easy, get to know the track again, find my apexes, see where my suspension tears loose, etc... 3.90 on the timer.

2nd lap: Getting to know some of the more challenging corners better, and trying not to drift.... 3.10

3rd lap: All out......if I was racing for real, this was it. 2.35 (even the Mazda guy was impressed) As I crossed the Start/Finnish I waved through my open t-tops.

I pulled up in the paddock area (basically the pit area), right next to the almighty SRT4, and shut it off. "Well, I guess you're right. No way I can beat your times. "

"@#$% you!! Uh...(Excuses abound...something about my car being rear drive, etc...)"

Ten people showed up at my car. It was time for paying the bet, and they let him know.

Last thing we heard from him....... "You better not let me see you on the street!!!"

...moron
I know this is bikes and not cars, but I feel the same way with most people that ride something like say a GSXR 1000 on the street. They talk all high and mighty and when I look at there tires they've got 2" chicken strips on the sides of the tires and they don't even know how to clutchless shift. I just listen to womp, womp, womp and tune them out. I can relate. I've passed 1000's on the track with a bike with almost half the displacement:lol: What's even better is when people brag about how they did say 180 and when you mention countersteering your bike they look at you with a blank face. The whole time I'm thinking.............Well........it would probably be a good idea to know how to get your bike to steer really quick and where you want it to go before you drive like a tard:shocked::lol:
 
I rember once when I was visiting my brother when he was living in Atwood a small mennanite community outside kitchener/waterloo aera..We were playing golf(I dont like golf did it for the beer)We were at a tee that was close to the highway and all we could here was that womp, womp, womp sound Rabbit stated but it had deep empty sound to it..Wouldnt you know it some stupid moron blows by on a rice rocket musta been doing 80-90kms anyways on his back tire my brother and I looked at each other and said Id like to see that tard hit a small rock or a small pothole in that road then see how brave he is....Then they say bikes are dangerous..Bikes arent dangerous its the morons that think they can do anything that are dangerous..I figured that deep empty sound coming from the bike was the lack of oil from being on that angle..
 
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