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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
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LUCKYDOG said:
must've blended in well - looks great - was it hot enough for ya?
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frydad4 said:
Wow LB. How was the heat?
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There were little red specks in there, like I said, I used a smaller one...and the heat wasn't as heavy as I thought. I did take a pull straight off the end to "check it out"...and my face was buzzing for about 10 minutes. The fresh ones are about twice as hot as the dried/smoked ones.

Omri...these neighbors are really awesome...in 5 years of living here, they've given us a large TV, a full leather couch set, and a $700 stainless grill. The guy is one of those people with money, and constantly updating everything he has...so we get all his "old" stuff...that looks new, lol.
 
Nobody....and I do mean NOBODY.....


......makes better pork chops and mac-n-cheese than I do.


No need to narrate....just showin' ya that I haven't disappeared:

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(I will say that's NOT Dave's spice......it's my own evil blend.)

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Ohhhhhhh.......yeahhhhhh.......
 
Man, that looks good. But no matter what I do, I can't handle Velveeta or any sort of overly processed cheese. There's just some weird taste to it. bleeeeeech.
 
Man, yet again Paulky you have driven me to culinary action, you had me salivating and now I MUST have some mac and cheese!

Marcie you gotta get down with processed cheese, it has its rare uses. velveeta makes some delicious gooey mac. The key is proportions...

Oh and lunchbox :drooling:
 
Marcie said:
I can't handle Velveeta or any sort of overly processed cheese. There's just some weird taste to it. bleeeeeech.
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Flamecycle said:
Man, yet again Paulky you have driven me to culinary action, you had me salivating and now I MUST have some mac and cheese!

Marcie you gotta get down with processed cheese, it has its rare uses. velveeta makes some delicious gooey mac. The key is proportions...
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Thanks FC!!!

Marcie....he's right. Even Velveeta has a place in this world....and it is in Mac-n-cheese. ;) If you tried mine, you'd be spoiled for life.


Omri said:
Paul's a chef. that's that.
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Omri....you humble me, sir!!! ::cheers:
 
I guess I'd have to give it a try! I've had plenty of mac and cheeses that feature Velveeta, but they always leave me thinking "blech".

I like Velveeta in certain dips, but only when I'm about 8 beers deep. lol
 
Marcie said:
I guess I'd have to give it a try! I've had plenty of mac and cheeses that feature Velveeta, but they always leave me thinking "blech".

I like Velveeta in certain dips, but only when I'm about 8 beers deep. lol
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Then go get a case, and start cooking when you pop the top on the 7th.
 
Marcie said:
I guess I'd have to give it a try! I've had plenty of mac and cheeses that feature Velveeta, but they always leave me thinking "blech".

I like Velveeta in certain dips, but only when I'm about 8 beers deep. lol
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Velveeta usually isn't the x-factor in most mac-n-cheeses....


Usually, it's overcooking the doog crap out of the macaroni that ruins the dish. I cook my macaroni for about 4 minutes....then let it finish as the cheese melts and gets nice and gooey! Plus, you need to use real butter and a tiny bit of milk or cream as well. (there are other details...but I'll save that for my paid seminar at the Holiday Inn in Reno, NV....just off the main strip.)

Use that only as a base, though.....and you can add the cheese you like best to make it your own!!!
 
We have a dip we do for parties sometimes. I wish I felt
sober enough to drive to the store and to get the stuff to
make this and eat this as well as post pictures.

Take one pound of Neese's ( or any other ) Hot Sausage.
Take one pound of hamburger meat.
Brown and drain.
Add one pound of Velveeta cheese product.
Stir. Add lots of red chili flakes and / or any other seasoning.

It's simply a meaty cheesy spicy paste that you spread onto those
little pieces of bread or whatever.

We call the dish Hanky Panky.
 
I use Velveeta with chorizo and AJ's puree to make the most bangin' queso you could ever imagine. Just ask TB, he's the one I stole it from.
 
Hey, this weekend I was at a party that featured Keystone Light. Let me tell you, if you drink enough of it, you CAN get :drunk:
 
JayT said:
Hey, this weekend I was at a party that featured Keystone Light. Let me tell you, if you drink enough of it, you CAN get :drunk:
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Yeah...but the problem with Keystone Lt...the intake to output ratio is nearly 1:1...so it's difficult to get where you need to be. I prefer a $10 bottle of cheap vodka, and a couple of 2 liters of diet Dr. Pepper.
 
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