• Start a personal food blog, or, start a community food thread for all.

The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

0230.jpg


I think this was chicken..


0228.jpg


Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

0231.jpg


I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
Click to expand...
Looking very good everyone.

FD, Sum, can one of you please come get your bear. I think he heard about my party and all the beer this weekend and he stumbled in drunk looking for leftovers. He is now planking on my living room floor.
 
JayT said:
FD, Sum, can one of you please come get your bear. I think he heard about my party and all the beer this weekend and he stumbled in drunk looking for leftovers. He is now planking on my living room floor.
Click to expand...


Check his pulse...

Planking is only supposed to be done for a few minutes. If he remains in a planked state for over four hours, you're supposed to contact a physician or seek emergency assistance.
But don't try mouth to mouth with him. He'll eat your face.



ZD that steak and shrimp was inspirational. I'm gonna make my own salt rub with some dried superhots I have.
Like the "Instead of silly band". Albino Tribble...HAHA!!
 
Paul, awsomeness is now expected of you and you have again lived up to your SOA (Standard Of Awsomeness).

Z man, thanks for that. I've been menu planning and now I know what to fix for dinner Friday.

FD4, how did Bear get to PA? Please tell me that the state of Florida didn't give him a license!

Edit: Oh, and a pic of my first glass of home made brewski.

dd8d36db.jpg
 
RocketMan said:
Paul, awsomeness is now expected of you and you have again lived up to your SOA (Standard Of Awsomeness).

Z man, thanks for that. I've been menu planning and now I know what to fix for dinner Friday.

FD4, how did Bear get to PA? Please tell me that the state of Florida didn't give him a license!

Edit: Oh, and a pic of my first glass of home made brewski.

dd8d36db.jpg
Click to expand...

Thanks!!! You humbl.........HEY!!!!! Is that a naked girl in your pantry????


:steals beer and runs:


LUCKYDOG said:
OMG !!! I am LMAOPOM too funny :rofl: :rofl:
Thats like the new "True Story"
Click to expand...


NASA called. They wanted to know how to dehydrate Keystone for the future manned mission to Mars. Apparently, they have plans to convert the red planet into the world's largest trailor park.


Bear just bought a Space helmet, Confederate flag, and a beer straw ball cap.....

----True Story.
 
Ok, guess Bear took the train and didn't drive. a little know about security camera in the train station caught this picture:

Bear.jpg


On a side note the camera was removed and there is now one less security guard on location. HR has been notified to post a job offer.
 
BS!!!
You've never been one to show your hand.

M&C and hot Dogs are easy fodder for this one.

And...I'm not denying that someone can do them respectably. But for you, P2K, I expect more than that!!!

$5 seafood buffet!!!!!
 
frydad4 said:
BS!!!
You've never been one to show your hand.

M&C and hot Dogs are easy fodder for this one.

And...I'm not denying that someone can do them respectably. But for you, P2K, I expect more than that!!!

$5 seafood buffet!!!!!
Click to expand...



SHHHHHH!!!!!


You're walkin' on my mojo, baby!!!!
 
(Preface, no pics so it TECHNICALLY didn't happen, but it DID happen!!!)

Not sure if this belongs here, but we WERE drunk, and we WERE serving food, so....

I went to meet some work buddies for some beers at a shithole bar near where we work.

I brought along a fresh grown Fatali to give to a friend of mine. I gave it to him on the sly.

This is a seedy ass place full of middle age men, toothless women, and vietnam vets. They have $5 pitchers of Amber Bock at 4 pm. Perfect.

So, a few pitchers deep, my buddy decides to taste the fatali. He'd never had it before. A small slice burned him pretty good. So he started passing it around.

"C'mon you old pussy!!", he'd say to the older men at the bar, "eat a little piece, it won't kill ya!!".
They obliged to the peer pressure and ate a chunk.

Before I knew it, the pepper was gone, the bartender kept the seeds, and there were 8 people much older than me complaining that their mouths and throats were burning, and their tongues were swelling.

I said, "dude, I saw you grab that pepper slice with your raw hand, just wait till you take a piss!!!".

Check please, and I left.

True story.
 
frydad4 said:
(Preface, no pics so it TECHNICALLY didn't happen, but it DID happen!!!)

Not sure if this belongs here, but we WERE drunk, and we WERE serving food, so....

I went to meet some work buddies for some beers at a shithole bar near where we work.

I brought along a fresh grown Fatali to give to a friend of mine. I gave it to him on the sly.

This is a seedy ass place full of middle age men, toothless women, and vietnam vets. They have $5 pitchers of Amber Bock at 4 pm. Perfect.

So, a few pitchers deep, my buddy decides to taste the fatali. He'd never had it before. A small slice burned him pretty good. So he started passing it around.

"C'mon you old pussy!!", he'd say to the older men at the bar, "eat a little piece, it won't kill ya!!".
They obliged to the peer pressure and ate a chunk.

Before I knew it, the pepper was gone, the bartender kept the seeds, and there were 8 people much older than me complaining that their mouths and throats were burning, and their tongues were swelling.

I said, "dude, I saw you grab that pepper slice with your raw hand, just wait till you take a piss!!!".

Check please, and I left.

True story.
Click to expand...

That is soooooo right on so many levels and I approve this message.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top