The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

I think this was chicken..

Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.

 

[Scovie]

If I can figure out how to cold smoke with this thing, I'm not sure I can get it cool enough.
We'll be getting a seal a meal, (very expensive Geeme wrap), so yeah, in the winter, we WILL send you some.

TB too, that Salmon hoarder... lol

 

[texas blues]

Nice.

I loooooove goat cheese.

Yeah CJ, the salmon I send out in the mail I only do in either fall or winter when the temps are below at least 70.

And the stuff is heavily marinated i.e. lots of salt, so its also more preserved but not overly salty to the taste.

Vacuum packing is a must in my book also.

Another way to go if you're so inclined is do what many Alaskans do.

After smoking, can it up in little 1/2 pint ball jars. You just need to add some liquid in with the pieces of fish.

Smoked and then canned in a light teriyaki sauce is killer!

 

[Chile Juju]

Good idea!

I'd have to hijack someone's granny to teach me how to can tho!

 

[texas blues]

Good idea!

I'd have to hijack someone's granny to teach me how to can tho!

Oh hail no.

You don't need granny.

What about SL?

Have her and salsadude over and get the smoker rolling with the feesh and have her show you the canning process.

Plus its another reason to get stupid drunk.

Make sure and take pics of Scovie taking his pants off over his head.

 

[Scovie]

They can can, I'll JARR.

 

[Chile Juju]

We gotta dance too???????? (can can)

 

[Ausmith]

I passed out last night before I posted up the meal. We made some Bruschetta. I added a little love to mine:

I started today with a couple of beers and then moved on to a nice bottle of red

I had a hair across my ass to cook a green sauce tonight

Then we fired up the grillz

 

[grantmichaels]

+2 bonus points for working in a Kiwi ...

 

[Ausmith]

+2 bonus points for working in a Kiwi ...

This was a pretty simple one
Jalapeno
Kiwi
Green Onion
Celery
Water
White Vinegar

Had an interesting taste out of the pot. Sweet for sure, then a creeper heat. Want to let that jar sit for a week or two. Think it will be good with salty chips and a corona.

 

[Chile Juju]

Want to let that jar sit for a week or two.

How on earth do you make a sauce that looks that good.....then wait 2 weeks to dive into it???!!!?????

Talk about willpower!

 

[Ausmith]

How on earth do you make a sauce that looks that good.....then wait 2 weeks to dive into it???!!!?????

Talk about willpower!

Make enough to last for two weeks

 

[Chile Juju]

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

 

[paulky_2000]

This is what it looks like at the Circle-H after a week back at work, had NO time to get to the grocery, REDSKINS first game of the season, and hungry teens on deck.

I submit to you the final pics of a hectic Thursday....

White bread......leftover shells and cheese, Andouille...sliced and saut'eed in bacon fat......then topped with habanero cheddar and PF's 7-pod powder. Throw the whole thing under the broiler for 3 minutes....... It's obscene, it's obnoxious, it's better than it should be.

BEHOLD:

Yeah....the pics suck. But the food was a fine as RGIII's first NFL touchdown!!!

 

[Scovie]

So let me get this straight...

1.) "After a week BACK at work" implies you had time offt. Where'd THAT food go?

B.) Teenagers should have a job, and eat at the 7-11 Nacho Bar like the rest of the teenagers.

4.) You'r Keystone cannot POSSIBLY be getting you drunkft, except you put Garmmas fine china in the oven....

AWESOME.

Ahm Hungry.

 

[paulky_2000]

So let me get this straight...

1.) "After a week BACK at work" implies you had time offt. Where'd THAT food go?

****Aw HELL NOOOO......Been on orders with the Navy for the last 2 weeks. Just got home on Monday. I don't call that time off by a damn sight.

B.) Teenagers should have a job, and eat at the 7-11 Nacho Bar like the rest of the teenagers.

****They're 15 and we live in the middle of nowhere. They're not old enough to leagally work in KY (which I do not understand) and I'm too busy to shuttle their non-driving asses to a job even if they were!

4.) You'r Keystone cannot POSSIBLY be getting you drunkft, except you put Garmmas fine china in the oven....

****Don't you DARE dis the STONE....especially when it's been Clamatoed for chelada goodness.....

AWESOME.

****Yes....I am.



Ahm Hungry.

 

[Chile Juju]

PK - I clicked on this thread, fingers crossed that you had posted some evil, wicked plate o' Goodness........

Dang.....you delivered! I want that now! But I got no...shells & cheese...and worst yet....no Andouille on hand!

i fail. I am sad.

But your DC was downright.....awesomnessishness!!!!!!! You're gonna have sweet dreams tonite - I promise!!!!!

 

[paulky_2000]

You're gonna have sweet dreams tonite - I promise!!!!!

Last time I ate like this, I dreamt I was Rambo and a giant race of catertpillars was invading my old highschool........


...I got my ass kicked.

 

[Chile Juju]

Well, let's hope this time, you dream better! You get to kick THEIR asses!!!!!!

Might I suggest a nice digestif before retiring? (that's funnier with a British accent!)

 

[paulky_2000]

Well, let's hope this time, you dream better! You get to kick THEIR asses!!!!!!

Might I suggest a nice digestif before retiring? (that's funnier with a British accent!)

Has anyone told you lately that you're AWESOME????

 

[grantmichaels]

PK cookin' up something like I'd throw together for myself ... yessir ...

Introducing Danielle to Negra Modelo tonight, and making a pizza w/ a little portabello and butch t ...

(and working all evening again ... boooo)