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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
trying to decide if this slab of meat should be used for a SOTM manana, or to just rock it out freestyle another way ...

pressure cooking some pulled pork later, though ...

that'll round out the rest of the food for us for the week, likely ... well, plus all the salad ...
 
Drunken cheffing is a sport.

Siccy FTW and post #10,000.
im in deepn cheap pizza its going to be amazing!

trying to decide if this slab of meat should be used for a SOTM manana, or to just rock it out freestyle another way ...

pressure cooking some pulled pork later, though ...

that'll round out the rest of the food for us for the week, likely ... well, plus all the salad ...
throw that shit on a $1 pizza and you pimp :onfire: :rofl:
 
I'm staging a little sumpm-sumpm for tomorrow ...

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It could go a couple of ways, but stage I is complete ...

Meet Jaccard ...

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He's packin' something like 45 or 48 #11 (ex-surgical nurse here) blades in a handly spring-loaded gadget ...

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London Broil is one of my favorite flavors of beef, but it can be tough despite long marinade sessions imho ...

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I'll use "Meat Tenderizer" since I don't know that pineapple or mandarin orange will jive w/ where I'm headed ...

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And a little finishing salt up front, because I'm ass backwards ...

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Chunky ...

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Processed to hell, and w/ a little weight behind the Jaccard, faux pounded too ...

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I used the back of a spoon to press the salt in, and then provided a little extra attention for the fat line ...

I managed to clean the torture device w/o impaling my hand, which is why I hadn't used it since the 1st time ...

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There's a French engineer joke in there somewhere ...
 
Geez GM.

Goin' all Iron Maiden and BTK on that meat!

Yeah ... I decided not to freeze and slice but rather left myself option by just refridgerating it for now ...

I'm either going to come at a cheese steak sideways since i have a rockin' bag of buns right now ... or go far east with it ...

I don't want to deprive myself of making that choice tomorrow, so ...
 
You could do both!

Far east meets scheeze steak.

Maybe bahn mi style but with cheese.

I bet that would be killer!

Yeah - That's where I'm going ... If I can keep it within enough design considerations to be a "cheese steak" i'll present it as such ... The closest buns to Amorosa spec are round in my parts, so right off the bat it had to be an interpretation ...

They don't really favor mushrooms or peppers being included to be authentic either, I guess ... just onions ... i can live w/ that, barely ...

We'll see ...

wtf,is with jaccardi? us poor ranchers just stick a fork in it,lol.

It's a 45 or 48x multiplier ... I'm also unable to heed Knuth's sage advice, that "premature optimization is the root of all evil" ... I bought the Jaccard for the first time I was going to make London Broil - because it was going to be for company ...

Also, the same robustness that makes it effective, renders it genuinely dangerous to clean ...
 
ill just eat my cheap pizza tonight! but?





im not sure where this will turn up tomorrow? but here a few piece of white tail.

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soaking over night in some jalo powder,lots of garlic,milk and italian dressing.

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ill tell yall what!! ill make sure i get all of my chores done and this is my post for drunken tomorrow as i watch the united states kick spains ass in b-ball tomorrow! this little grrl going to be moist and tender! :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :onfire:
 
If this actually happpens tonite, It will be true spirit of DRunken CHef. cuz

well

Imm on mah way...

AIll post in the SOTM Thread too. maybe mannannanaana.
We're gonna use prolly the last of JayTease rub so theses Filly's better be good and authintic!

Grant. Get better at cleaning *stuff.

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dude make it happen its only 6:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 where you live!

and you rich to with your fancy meat sticker. blaah,blaah! you see im soaking my meat in milk over nigt! you rich bitches,lol.
 
97?????????????????// once again blaaahhhhhh!!!! while you bitchin golook at my pizza i pmped tonight it was "epic' in all the most wrong and sinfull ways. im pretty drunk :onfire: :fireball: :dance: :dance: :dance:

tomorrow im going to go crazy with that deer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
 
If this actually happpens tonite, It will be true spirit of DRunken CHef. cuz

well

Imm on mah way...

AIll post in the SOTM Thread too. maybe mannannanaana.
We're gonna use prolly the last of JayTease rub so theses Filly's better be good and authintic!

Grant. Get better at cleaning shit.

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We're in it tonight, too ... pics cuz it's happenin' ...
 
Y'all quit tryin' to think about authentic n' sheeit.

I went with just "cheese steak" so as to bring some variety and innovation to the game.

If you make it, its authentic.

Screw any Philly snobs looking at this.
 
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