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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
Boston Butt in the PC ...

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25 mins ago it looked like ...

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and before that, like ...

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WTF is going on here, exactly? Frankly, I'm not sure ...

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Onions, wasabi peas, and sliced ripe apricot ...

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With some of this concoction made w/ Chinese barbeque char sui, Moscato, Chambord, Smoked Paprika, and Five Spice Powder ...

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Can't convince S77 to let me use Fish Sauce, so we're using a little ...

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And threw in a little over a dozen of these to bring a little heat and some vinegar ...

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Burned my thumb carrying the bean thread noodles in boiling Zoji juice to relax while the pressure cooker does it's thing ...

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We'll see.

DOES 77 KNOW FIRSTAID?

Considering we originally met working together in a Dr's office, all signs point to yessir ...
 
I have no idea where this is going but so far I like it.

Whoa!

I can't believe I posted this that welll considering how totally bombed I am/

Tottttalllly.
 
Damn ... my pork dish ended up in SOTM, and now I'm going to post tomorrow's potential SOTM meat as it goes to the fridge w/ marinade ...

Ass backwards, as usual ...

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Stripping away the ...

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Is the ...

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Coated with ...

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And ...

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And this ...

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In a marinade made of ...

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And ...

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And ...

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And instead of water ...

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We'll see.
 
I aint gonna start callin Danielle, blah blah blah 77.

D.


Where da hale she at? Claeanin somethin you dirtied up? Screw that.

Drink more.

You mahight be out cheffin me, but you shure as shhhit aint outdrunkining me.

Basterd.!

Hugs to D.
 
I aint gonna start callin Danielle, blah blah blah 77.

D.


Where da hale she at? Claeanin somethin you dirtied up? Screw that.

Drink more.

You mahight be out cheffin me, but you shure as shhhit aint outdrunkining me.

Basterd.!

Hugs to D.

She's sleepin' ... can't hang!

I never had Kimche until the other day, hopefully there won't be an enzymatic problem or anything whacky ...

Pods tomorrow, after the turn ...
 
What a great thread drinking and cooking r my favourite Past time have read this from start to finish and some great pissy ideas ! Looking forward to next weekend and documenting my anebrhiated adventure in the land of the pink elephant , better give the mrs the heads up its gunna be a messy one lol
 
I just read SOTM and DC back to back. Seems they melded into one thread last night. I am very confused right now. I think a couple of bloody marys might help straighten this out.
 
Hey y'all.

I was gonna' posty up in the pizza pimpin' thread but reckoned these little Totino's butt nuggets didn't really qualify as pizza. Maybe not even food.

Serve with box wine.

Hobo style.

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After 'zactly 9 minutes @425.

Some leaked pepperoni scheeze splooge.

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I vulcan mind melded about a 1/2 cup of ranch with about 1/4 bottle of tabasco green because I was gettin' mah culinary creative juices really flowin' n' sheeit.

Ranch.

We put that sheeit on everthang.

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Here me now, believe me later.

You wouldn't know it from the piccy but I balls deep into my hobo grape drank!

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These taste nothing like pizza.

I bet if you eat them sober they taste like baboon ass dingleberries.

Eating them Drunken Chef Hobo Style with genetically altered ranch...

they are CHINGON!!

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Totino's Pizza Rolls.

Ima funky spunky monkey for your love!
 
Ohh Man.

I need some coffee.

I don't know what was in that whiskey last night, but.... Huuwah.

I just drunk-dreamed Texas Blues made Tostinos Pizza Rolls, hahahahahahah can you immagine?

Thats how you know you drank waaaaaaay to much.



nsheeit.
 
If you did drink hhwhiskey, and were 1/2 as drunk as I was last night,
you would have made ceral with those little nuggets and Ranch.

Pizza rolls, Ranch, in a bowl.

Grab a spoon.

Whoot!
 
FAIL


i forgot i even posted that deer last night,and cooked it up with some scramble eggs this morning without even thinking about a pic.last night got real crazy in my head ;)
 
Someone needs to teach GM how to group his ingredients together for a single picture. TD teaser style.

Just ribbin ya Grant...
 
Nice tb. Ain't no shame in that meal.

Soflo might try to bust out some tomfoolery tonight.
Just found a hidden beer in the BACK of the fridge.
Bonus!...thought we were out!
 
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