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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
What the hell is happening to my beloved Drunken Chef. Did I do this? Bad JayT, BAD.

I'm blaming YOU and yer stinkin' hippy kumbaya have a coke and a smile juice cleansingescxt sheeit!

And by the way, where are all the drunk posters at?

I happen to know that among the 100's of lurkers on line at any given time, I'm betting at least 10% are drunk.

Y'all and your hippy alfalfa sprout sausage lovefests are scarin' everbody off!

Stop it and get to posting something worthy of drunken adoration.

I pity the fool that posts a drunken salad!
 
mrs. blues is actin' single.

And I'm drinkin' double.

And she's gettin' better lookin' with every beer.

She's about to hook up her sliders here in bit.

Later I'll get the funk out on mine.

Jump back and kiss yo' sef's one time!

HAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
 
Damm bro you got all planned up.

Imonna drink like a fishy sailor til I see colors that look like a linoleum floor pattern,
then open the fridge doors, give it my dance card, shake rattle and roll,
and whatever falls out first, is dinner.

CJ is on her own, but invited. Ha!
 
On the left - a bottle of the tainted Bolita Brown from a couple of years ago that most certainly has a significant amount of brett funk (brettanomyces) ...
On the right - a bottle i just picked up ...

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I went right.

We have a Trader Joe's now, and we've been crawling their selection a lotta bit lately ...

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Pretty healthy at the start ...

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My precious ...

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I made a rinse comprised of soy sauce w/ a dash of worcestershire, and a little bit of whipped up mayo, sriracha, jhp's chiltepin amarillo powder, and a splash of soy sauce as a dipping sauce ...

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The food is just the app to the meal in the bottle folks, that's DC all day ...

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Yum.

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Burp.
 
Ok,, since I derailed this thread in the most awful way, I will bring it back (along with GM) in the best way I know how: Brutus, homemade wing sauce, and two dozen sizzling, searing, face-melting wings.

Brutus:

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Wing Sauce Ingredients:

Fresh diced onion, jalapeno, garlic, habanero.
Fatalii Puree
Bhut Puree
Texas Pete Fiery Sweet Sauce
Homemade Cajun Seasoning
Sicman's SicMix.

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This is the look I got when he smelled the wings come by...

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So tasty and so so hot.
 
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