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The Drunken Chef

Hey ya'll once again from the big dry ditch of Las Vegas. I had picked up some beautiful chix I wanted to deep fry but soon discovered I didn't have enough oil. Why not just drive down to the local grub store and buy it you ask? BECAUSE I WAS PISS DRUNK!! Alrighty then. I grab the bottle of Hornitos tequila and ready myself to begin the destruction. I fire up the cast iron dutch oven and just start throwing stuff in. Olive oil. Garilc. Julieanned shallot. Chix thighs. Gets a little blurry here but I somehow managed to debone the thighs without chopping off my leg but then all good cooks should be able to pull that off. The vast majority of experienced kitchen rats and riffraff cook much better after a bottle of wine or three. Those of you reading this keep that little kitchen tip in mind, especially when family from out of town is around. If the wife is chewing your ass the next day for your drunken lewd and lascivious behavior in the kitchen the previous night, then you know you must have made a helluva meal and did it right.

Continuing on, I soon missplaced my shot glass and decided to dispensed with it all together. Why should tequila have to go through a middleman anyway. Liquors quicker straight from the bottle. I discovered I had a stash of dried pequins from last season and bada bing bada boom in they went. Same with some forlorn looking button mushrooms. Whirring and stirring with a spoon in one hand and the bottle of firewater in the other, why not deglaze the pan with tequila? Excellent idea! Might as well get rid of the rest of the hab salsa I made the other day. In that goes, adios baby! Add some seasalt and cracked black pepper. Whir and stir. Taste. It tastes like burning. Nice.

Somehow during this culinary rampage I managed to take a few pics.

The beginning of the end...

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I think this was chicken..


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Stewing in its own juices, just like me..

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I can't be sure but I think I ate it with tortilla's but who can say. This morning as I looked at the devastation in the Blues Kitchen I reckoned that were I to detonate a hundred pounds of C4
in the middle of it I would only cause about $21.47 worth of damage. Mrs. Blues was not amused but and well acquainted with my late night shenanigans. Ahhh marital bliss.

Now that I have started this thread, I call on all you THP drunks, sots, and gin blossomed heathens to keep it going. Pics are mandatory and it goes without saying that rule number one is...YOU MUST BE DRUNK WHEN COOKING!!

So get the divorce papers ready, get your favorite bottle of liquid stupid and get cookin' ya'll!

Cheers, TB.
 
I would like to thank first of all God. Without you I couldn't have done this. Then my parents, followed by all of the little people I crushed along the way. Lastly that homeless guy on the corner who hit my ex girlfriend. You sir, I thank the most.

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PS...Pandora can be mighty sporatic at times. If you put in death metal, it will go to a strings version and then all of a sudden you are on Pirates of the Carribean soundtrack. Now that you are on soundtracks it hits up a song from a 1983 movie starring a Eazy E and then it goes into Hip Hop. Now you are stuck with Hip Hop whenever you play that Swedish Death Metal station.
 
RIGHT ON!!!!!

Never had Biscuits and Gravy drunk, but I almost ALWAYS have it hung over.

Hope the leftovers do you justice!!
 
It is doing me well today for sure. It has some spice to it! I love B&G anytime and it works great as a dinner item. Just think of it like SOS or something of the sort. I will admit, I chose this over my shrimp burrito for lunch today :dance:
 
Bear popped in today... things got drunk! Bottles of hot sauce were pounded. Bathrooms were destroyed. Mayhem... FD's house is in total disarray. More scratches in the kitchen granite.

SoFlo did it right today while watching everything that is "Football".
 
Bear popped in today... things got drunk! Bottles of hot sauce were pounded. Bathrooms were destroyed. Mayhem... FD's house is in total disarray. More scratches in the kitchen granite.

SoFlo did it right today while watching everything that is "Football".

Only needs a "mudshark" to complete the mayhem. I like it. How 'bout them USA soccer girls!
 
I'm a huge fan! Hope Solo is my fav. Where do I hit the like button for her in Facebook?

USA vs. Japan this Sunday. SoFlo mayhem will continue, guaranteed.

Bear will pound more bottles of hot sauce... and destroy a bathroom or two.
 
Take some Tums Marcie... settle that stomach. It has calcium.... good for the bones.

Don't let Bear intimidate you. He might smell like a brewery, but he's harmless.

And sometimes funny as $#!+
 
I tried planking but it was too technical for me

Ha! I figure Drunken Chef is the best thread for planking... since plankers are prolly drunk. Show us what you got MM!

Bear is gonna hit it out the park come Sunday. I dare everyone to try and out-plank him by then.

Drunken Chef Plank ThrowDown!!!
 
A wise man once said, "You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning!"

The NFL lockout has forced us to resort to tailgating for women's soccer. Had some buddies over, you know who showed up, you get the idea.
It's actually one of the best things about being an American. You can pretend to love stuff like women's sports or soccer while your team's doing well,
and then the next week when the whole thing is over, forget who they are and start getting ready for football.

Drank Busch Light. Smoked a pork loin. Cooked up some black beans and yellow rice. Drank Busch light. Made some scotch bonnet salsa.

Steamed the tortillas, stuffed em, then crisped them a little on the black skillet. Drank some Busch light.

Bear had a little too much scotch bonnet salsa and spent most of the night on the can, which helped keep him out of trouble.

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Sum's in the background scolding bear for urinating on the floor again.
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hmmm..I thought they only did this in the woods!
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USA!USA!USA!!
FD
 
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