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What do I doooo :<

Palgrave

Palgrave

Hi there lounge lizards, I dont know if I should ask this here, but really, I don't really have anywhere else to ask, so I might as well give it a shot!
 
Things are about to get pretty real here.
 
So, me and my current (only) girlfriend (Let's call her "Alex") have been together for, mm, 5 3/4 years now. Yay! Except, since January, I dunno, I've been...suspicious. I've had job problems pretty much our entire relationship, and she's stuck by me, and we both have a very deep connection to each other (whether or not thats just half a decade of communication I don't know). But a few months ago she confessed that she started possibly having feelings for someone else at work (let's call him Brodrick[?]). I told her a harmless crsh is w/e as long as it stays that way, etc. She point blank told me nothing would come of it, and that she'd address it and put a stop to it. And I for the most part believed her.
 
But I don't know, fellow chileheads, I don't know. I did say we have a deep connection, and through it I feel something isn't quite right. She's never (afaik) led me on about anything, and I have absolutely no reason to doubt her. But I do. I can feeeel something is amiss, it's in my bones.
 
Or it's rampant paranoia.
 
So what do I do? I could ask her, straight up confront Alex about that. Or I could confront Brodrick about it. Either way, how do I know they'll tell me the truth? If I believe them and they're on the up and up, everythings roses. But if they're lying, I'm a sucker, and if I think they are and they're not I'm pretty much an asshole for assuming my GF of half a decade would fool around on me.
 
:banghead: I'm just getting stressed about all this. I know there are folk from all walks here, surely one of you has some sage wisdom for little old me. Please share?
 
 
 
As a man who's been there, trust your gut. If something just feels wrong, it's probably your spider sense kicking in. I just knew in my gut that something was going on, and asking wasn't going to get me anywhere because she would have just lied about it.
 
One question..... has she made subtle hints about breaking up without ever actually saying it?
 
Sorry you're having to deal with this, bro. In my case, it was my ex-wife. And I was right.
 
No, she hasn't. We've gotten close to that a few times cause of my aforementioned job problems (can't seem to find a steady job in our hodunk town) but we've always made up.
 
But yeah...gut's practically shouting something aint right. But what do I do about it?
 
Well, the best bet is probably to sit her down and ask her what's wrong. Let her know you feel something's not right, and that you want to know what you can do to get things right. But you also have to be ready for the answer you don't  want to hear. But the upfront approach is best. If she tells you nothing's wrong, but you still feel things are off kilter, then you have to try to find out on your own.... either that or close your eyes and pretend to be ignorant.
 
Best of luck with it, man. Really sucks feeling that way.
 
Hey there broseph. Im gonna be honest with ya! Id say give her the benefit of the doubt if she has been honest with you. Seems like shes an honest person to even bring it up. But you have a perfect reason to be suspicious about all this! If I was you I wouldnt wait around to see if something bad might happen. Id figure out a way to test her faithfulness to you, ( ya know, set something up.) Remember you have a good reason to be suspicious and testing her would be a great way to find out if theres more to it! Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out for you two!
 
It sure does. Sucks about what happened to you too. :( What a world.
 
I don't feel like sticking my head in the sand about it either, though. I would honestly be destroyed if we broke up, especially over something like this, but if it comes to that I'm going to be the one pushing the button.
 
 
megahot said:
Hey there broseph. Im gonna be honest with ya! Id say give her the benefit of the doubt if she has been honest with you. Seems like shes an honest person to even bring it up. But you have a perfect reason to be suspicious about all this! If I was you I wouldnt wait around to see if something bad might happen. Id figure out a way to test her faithfulness to you, ( ya know, set someyhing up.) Remember you have a good reason to be suspicious and testing her would be a great way to find out if theres more to it! Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out for you two!
Click to expand...
 
To be perfectly honest, she's too smart for that. She can read me like a book and theres no way anything involving a direct approach would sniff something out. She'd know it was a trap and do everything I would be looking for.
 
But...I am far more devious than she thinks. If I have to, I can easily out-think her using the power of science and technology. Should she force me to, there is nothing she could hide from me.
 
Muahaha.
 
:(
 
PS This is a really dynamic forum! Showed me your post and let me quote it without scrapping the post I was working on. Props to whoever set it up lol
 
Palgrave said:
I don't feel like sticking my head in the sand about it either, though. I would honestly be destroyed if we broke up, especially over something like this, but if it comes to that I'm going to be the one pushing the button.
Click to expand...
 
That's understandable. I know I was completely destroyed. I iwasn't right for years. Sounds like it's just come to a point where you feel like you just HAVE to know. If it's that far gone, ask her first. Don't snoop or anything without at least asking.
 
I found out when I checked her text messages.
 
damm bro.
 
There is more at play here than just "cheating". What would worry me the most is emotional cheating. That is far more devastating than just a simple attraction, or a simple crush. Sneaking around and setting her up is not the answer. You are both adults, and communication is always the best policy. At least it has worked for my 23 year marriage. You have to ask yourself (hypothetically) why would she veer off? Are you not providing her with what she is finding attractive elsewhere? What is your part in this? Maybe she has been waiting for the relationship to move forward? (marriage?) She sounds like someone that has more depth than to say "The novelty has worn off".
 
One way or another, you need to know, and the only way is to communicate that. You can bring it up and talk, but until you are satisfied, you need to keep bringing it up. You are in the relationship with Alex, not Brodrick, so the words (good or bad) need to come from her mouth.
 
Not an easy go my friend, but hang in there.
 
Based on previous experiences the only logical course of action I can recommend:
 
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Scovie nailed it..... especially on the communication front. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but if she's not giving dialogue back, then you're not communicating
 
The answer is in the information you provided. You have been in this relationship for 5 almost 6 years. To a woman that is indicating marriage soon but you say your relationship have had problems with your job. Maybe this crush has a good job and its steady and she finds that masculine and attractive. Maybe she wants you to present yourself as a man that can and wants to take care of her. I think you should sit down and let her know that she can depend on you as a man that can support her. I also think you need to let her know you are ready to find a good steady career not job.
 
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