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Burgers? Hell Yeah!!

Hey y'all looking through the sacred THP scrolls it is apparent that most awesome of foods is sorely neglected. That's right chidren's, I'm talkin' about BURGERS!! Sliders. Pub burgers. Fast food style burgers. Gastro burgers. Cheffy burgers. CHEESEBURGERS!!! Single and double meat. Triple meat. Extreme burgers. Man vs. Food burgers....the list is endless but y'all get the idea.

We won't go into the endless arguments of who created the first hamburger (Fletcher Davis) or what meat qualifies as a burger. Nonetheless....here are the rules for posting in this soon to be awesome thread:

1. Any meat goes. Beef, chicken, pork, lamb, rat, fish. Whatever, hunt it down and kill it with a knife. Its all good and I've included the options other than the traditional beef so all the kids can play in the pool. If its ground and round, its all good.

2. The damn 'thang has to be between 2 slices of bread or bun. White bread. Brioche. Sourdough. English muffin. Whole wheat. Its got to be bready. No wrap crap or wild pizza dough like chingaderra's.

3. Any cooking method goes. Grilled. Broiled. Griddled. Steamed. Deep fried. Zippo lighter.

4. Because I love to ridicule to no end tree hugging granola wimps and hippy's.....
Veggie burgers are all good. Just be prepared for the woe and gnashing of teeth and smack talk that will soon come if you post it. It will be all in fun and all good.

5. You suck at cooking? The only thing that would suck more is if you posted pics of your restaurant burger. For the sake of keeping the comedy rolling...
Any burger you didn't cook or you bought is allowed and is all good. Warning: while allowed, posting pics of BK burgers or their ilk with a splash of tabasco will bring upon you the most ridicule and insults. Even more than a veggie burger!

6. Chile's and/or hotsauce is mandatory on the burger. ON the burger, no crap on the side.

7. Pics are mandatory. No posting about a burger you made or ate without pics. You will suffer extreme ridicule and experience much loathing. Just don't do it.

8. Include a list of condiments and toppings. Mayo. Mustard. Onions. Cheese. Extract of male baboon spermatazoa. Whatever. Post it.

There it is y'all. Can you get down brown with it? Allrighty then...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Here's mine. Sliders. 80/20 ground chuck from Matador Meat Market, Frisco, Tx. Cooked over fine diced yellow onions in cast iron using the smash technique. Toasted Pepperidge Farm slider buns with mustard, the onions, dill pickle and jalapeno pickle slices. Kraft brand American Plastic Cheese.

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Adult beverages are encouraged in the pics but not mandatory. Dig that awesome cast iron crust sear!

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So bring on your burgers. And that means those damn Aussie's and their stinkin' beet root too!!
 
texas blues said:
Burgers...I'm real close to heaven.
 
 
You're gott damm rite you are TB! I have seen many many many of your smash-burgers, and I have loved every one of them the same. Well, maybe some MORE than others, but not by much.
 
CJ says I can't have a Flat-Top until the Cookshack is ready for it.
 
Damm You TB!
 
And Damm you too CJ!
 
I think y'all are in cahoots n'sheeit.
 
grantmichaels said:
Me too. My grandfather owned bowling alleys here and parents ran the snack bar / lounge ...
 
I thought your dad worked on a farm?
 
:facepalm:
 
Scoville DeVille said:
 
 
You're gott damm rite you are TB! I have seen many many many of your smash-burgers, and I have loved every one of them the same. Well, maybe some MORE than others, but not by much.
 
CJ says I can't have a Flat-Top until the Cookshack is ready for it.
 
Damm You TB!
 
And Damm you too CJ!
 
I think y'all are in cahoots n'sheeit.
 
 
I thought your dad worked on a farm?
 
:facepalm:
 
Cookshack?
 
New porch chingaderra out house cook 'thang?
 
I swear and Have Mercy that you will love a flat top living next to your grill.
 
Scoville DeVille said:
 
 
You're gott damm rite you are TB! I have seen many many many of your smash-burgers, and I have loved every one of them the same. Well, maybe some MORE than others, but not by much.
 
CJ says I can't have a Flat-Top until the Cookshack is ready for it.
 
Damm You TB!
 
And Damm you too CJ!
 
I think y'all are in cahoots n'sheeit.
 
 
I thought your dad worked on a farm?
 
:facepalm:
 
My father's in his mid-sixties now ...
 
He had a tree service, a machine shop, a greyhound farm, ran a nursery, worked together w/ my mom in a failing retail store for a year, and was also a CPA and at one point had his real estate license in just the first 18 yrs of my life ... God knows what's gone on in the last 20 yrs (I have no idea) since I last knew ...
 
Yeah TB, I want a flat-top so friggen bad... well you know. And I blame you for it! hahaha
 
The "cook-shack" is a project we started literally the weekend before the fires started. It's an old building about 50 feet from our house that will serve as a 3 season kitchen/hangout/food/music/darts place. I am going to take my paint sprayer and stick the nozzle in a 5 gallon bucket of white marine gloss paint and spray the shit out of it. walls and ceiling. The concrete floors will eventually be tile or flagstone. but my grill will go in there, a hood fan over it, a sink, ice maker, ceiling fan, dart board, table and chairs FLAT-TOP etc... It has power to it but SL will help with all the trick stuff like plugs and switches and sheeit. 8 foot deck off the front with wrap around benches.... I just need the snow to go away!
 
 
Before:
 
View attachment 17775
 
View attachment 17774
 
 
Ready. Set...
 
View attachment 17773
 
 
FCCCUUUUUKKKK!!!!
 
View attachment 17772
 
texas blues said:
Nooooo!
 
That shack got burnt?
 
 
Hab meccy!
 
No bro, The fires lost us power and sheeit [WATER]. That's why we stopped construction. + 2 weeks of scary, dry, fiery, tinder pisses.
 
I only smoked my cigarettes when I had to piss, so I had a guaranteed extinguisher.
 
sheeeit was terrifying here for a couple weeks. Dryer than a popcorn fart I tell ya.
 
This year, we will pick up where we left off, and make it even better. (more time to pontifimicate).
2 weeks of this. All I had was my camera...
 
View attachment 17776
View attachment 17777
View attachment 17778

Over my house. Sooo many more pictures of this fuckin fire.
 
These are just the most glamorous. :mope:
 
View attachment 17779
 
Dadgummit I want a cheeseburger!
 
But I'm over my quota for the month.
 
And I'm up 5 pounds to 165.
 
Healthy sheeit sucks.
 
Somebody please post a cheeseburger or even a slider.
 
I need my burger porn fix!
 
Do it and after that I'll print out the pic and run to the can and be back in 5.
 
Don't judge me.
 
Like you ain't done it too.
 
Bison. Alaskan Amber. HBD's Cauterizer. Mandolin'd onions.
 

 
Flat topped.
 

 
Take a tip from SoFlo and slap some muenster scheeze on 'em for melty schmelty.
 
I did.
 
Smart!
 

 
Fascinatin'.
 
I don't recollect putting mustard on there.
 
I mostly 'member burning my balls off and back amah throat from over serving on the Cauterizer.
 

 
I was fully sassified.
 
Salute'!
 
grantmichaels said:
Sweet. I've not had bison, but have heard good things ...
 
Very clean and lean @93/7.
 
Leaner than that and you're into caribou country.
 
As you can see the smashed burger still kept it juicy and not overdone.
 
I don't recommend doing a bison burger on open flame as any 'thang over MR would be poker chip dry.
 
I've still yet to try doing duck burgers.
 
I had a whole duck I got during the holidays to do confit and also do a grind but alas, it was rancid.
 
Can't seem to find a good source of fresh duck here in North Texas.
 
There's some Native American folks in town who sell bison meat they source from out West (and turquoise/silver jewelry) out of a storage unit in Bradenton, and they seem like good people ... I made them some granite (aluminum honey-comb backed, to lighten, like we do for yachts) countertops for their display tables after hearing the husband hurt his back ...

They offered me bison meat, but I took home jewelry to the Ms. instead ...

I wonder if they are still around? They were near my work - and I don't often go in these days ...

Hmmm ...
 
grantmichaels said:
There's some Native American folks in town who sell bison meat they source from out West (and turquoise/silver jewelry) out of a storage unit in Bradenton, and they seem like good people ... I made them some granite (aluminum honey-comb backed, to lighten, like we do for yachts) countertops for their display tables after hearing the husband hurt his back ...

They offered me bison meat, but I took home jewelry to the Ms. instead ...

I wonder if they are still around? They were near my work - and I don't often go in these days ...

Hmmm ...
 
My local Try-N-Save (Kroger Market Place) carries the ground bison, and often bison strip steaks.
 
The ground is $9.99 a pound.
 
The strip, I dunno' but obviously going to be more.
 
Does Publix have a "super store" version of KMP?
 
You might find it there if they do.
 
If not, then Whole Paycheck...I mean Whole Foods.
 
Yeah - I can't be at WF ... $150 and I can walk out w/ two plastic bags of stuff ...

We have a place called Fresh Market I haven't crossed town to check out yet, but I'd sooner check out this new place in St Pete, I think - https://mobile.twitter.com/LocaleMarket_FL

Whatever you might need is here, it's just a matter of whether you want to pay for it, really ...
 
grantmichaels said:
Yeah - I can't be at WF ... $150 and I can walk out w/ two plastic bags of stuff ...

We have a place called Fresh Market I haven't crossed town to check out yet, but I'd sooner check out this new place in St Pete, I think - https://mobile.twitter.com/LocaleMarket_FL

Whatever you might need is here, it's just a matter of whether you want to pay for it, really ...
 
Who spends only $150 @Whole Foods?
 
Ya' cheapskate bastige!
 
I spend fitty dollah's there just lookin' at the damn cheese!
 
Love long time the parmesan crisps that I could easily make but I'm lazy these days.
 
Walk in the joint and don't buy any 'thang and your wallet is magically lighter by $75 dollah's just 
 
because you flirted with one of the hippy chicks working there.
 
Lucky for me the nearest WF is down in Plano about 45 minutes away.
 
And I love to be loving St. Pete.
 
I can't afford to live there but Clearwater ain't outta' bounds.
 
I could fly fish the beach every day!
 
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