My two cents on St. Louis:
Welcome to the biggest small town in the Midwest! St. Louis is a patchwork of neighborhoods, some of them ethnic and some of them blended, some of them hostile and some of them benign. In the city proper what you think of St. Louis may literally depend on which block you live in! There are many good communities in the City itself, and perhaps more in the county that have the kind of atmosphere you want to raise your kids in. From the sound of it, if you chose the city you would probably want to look at private school, many of which are quite affordable in the middle income class range. If you do decide to look here, be sure you get a good native to drive you around and advise you! (dont trust the realtors- do your own research). If you are willing to live two hours out from downtown, you'll be in farmland. Some areas have neighbors that will keep their nose in your business, some will leave you alone, and some have neighborhoods that work together- and thats all inside city limits!
You can be part of the revitilization- or move into an area thats already experienced the rehab. I would find the job first and then look at the schools, and then start scouting the neighborhoods. Perhaps rent for a year or two, get the feel of the town, decide where you want to live.
The cost of living is low, for the size of the city. Diversity of lifestyles and cultures we have in spades. There are lots of family friendly festivals around major holidays, Especially Fourth of July, Christmas, and for new Years Eve. I live near a park which hosts a variety of festivals, and the rural communities only two hours out from Saint Louis each have a festival of their own flavor. State and National Parks abound,there are all sorts of caves if you like spelunking, lots of rivers to go canoeing. we have a really nice zoo, and a lot of free or very inexpensive culture in the form of museums, organizations, and night spots. (great local music scene). The growing conditions are pretty good most years. We get all four seasons, but I'll warn you, in the months you consider "spring" and "fall" you may experience all four seasons in one week!
The down side: there are places you dont want to go at night. The St. Louis City government is um, in a time warp. If you want to do public school, you will probably be choosing a county neighborhood with higher housing costs and taxes. (they are nice safe, neighborhoods, though the diversity is lower) St. Louisans are horrible drivers, especially when the streets are the least bit wet. we regard highway speed limits as suggestions. In the city itself there are a ridiculous number of stop signs, and arbitrarily placed one way blocks.
There is no ocean, July and August are unbearably hot and humid and there is no wind. Winters rarely contain pure snow, wintry mix being our most common form of precipitation, which means alternating sleet, snow, and freezing rain. weather is a popular topic of discussion. It snowed on Christmas eve for the first time in a decade, real snow. It got down to 17 F. Today, it got up to 57, tomorrow it will be 68. Tomorrow night it will rain, and the following day it might get up into the 20's. Everybody here has allergies, if you never had them before, you'll find them here!
Lots of people have left Saint Louis who grew up here, lived other places for 10 or 15 years, and came back. many people who love Saint Louis are from somewhere else.
Including a man I know from Chicago, and a man from Hawaii, and several folk from Oklahoma. (People from Kansas go back to Kansas, though).
If I decide to go someplace else, I'll have to come back to visit the things I would miss: the Shakespeare Festival, camping in the Fall,canoeing the Meramec, The City Museum, the Art Museum and the Zoo, my favorite coffee house, my massage therapist, and my hairstyling guru- and my very good friends.