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jokes?
- Thread starter t0mato
- Start date
This is not P.C. and rather racist. The LGBT won't be happy, either. Please try not to get upset.
What do you call....
One gay Mexican? A: Señor eater
One gay Irish man? A: Gallic
Two gay Irishmen? A: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
Two lesbian Asians? A: Two-Can-Chew
Two gay Bob's? A: Oral Roberts
What do you call....
One gay Mexican? A: Señor eater
One gay Irish man? A: Gallic
Two gay Irishmen? A: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
Two lesbian Asians? A: Two-Can-Chew
Two gay Bob's? A: Oral Roberts
Black tie restaurant. Party of 4 and one man has no tie.
Maitre 'd:
"Sorry, sir. You must wear a tie to dine in this establishment."
"Hmm. Ok."
The man goes out to his car, grabs jumper cables, ties them around his neck and heads back in.
The maitre 'd looked at the man, paused for another second and said,
"Well, I'm gonna go ahead and let you in. But don't try and start nothin'."
Maitre 'd:
"Sorry, sir. You must wear a tie to dine in this establishment."
"Hmm. Ok."
The man goes out to his car, grabs jumper cables, ties them around his neck and heads back in.
The maitre 'd looked at the man, paused for another second and said,
"Well, I'm gonna go ahead and let you in. But don't try and start nothin'."
WarrantMan
eXtreme
Most jokes are non-PC. Here is mine.
Two Jewish guys are seated at the table of a Mexican restaurant. After the waiter takes their orders, one guy asks the other "have you ever heard of any Mexican jews?" the other guy replies "come to think of it I don't believe I have." The other guy says "me either, hmm." When the waiter returns, one guy asks him "are there any Mexican jews?" He replies quickly "no senior, no Mexican jews." Then walks away. The two guys continue their discussion, not believing there are no Mexican jews. Perhaps he didn't understand the question, so they thought they'd ask again when he came back.
When the waiter returned with the food, one guy asks "hey bud, our peoples have been scattered around the four corners of the Earth, are you sure there are no Mexican jews?" He replies "I don't think so but I will ask the cook." They are satisfied that the guy is trying to be truthful and now seeking a second opinion.
He comes back and says "we have tomato jews, apple jews, orange jews but we have no Mexican jews."
Two Jewish guys are seated at the table of a Mexican restaurant. After the waiter takes their orders, one guy asks the other "have you ever heard of any Mexican jews?" the other guy replies "come to think of it I don't believe I have." The other guy says "me either, hmm." When the waiter returns, one guy asks him "are there any Mexican jews?" He replies quickly "no senior, no Mexican jews." Then walks away. The two guys continue their discussion, not believing there are no Mexican jews. Perhaps he didn't understand the question, so they thought they'd ask again when he came back.
When the waiter returned with the food, one guy asks "hey bud, our peoples have been scattered around the four corners of the Earth, are you sure there are no Mexican jews?" He replies "I don't think so but I will ask the cook." They are satisfied that the guy is trying to be truthful and now seeking a second opinion.
He comes back and says "we have tomato jews, apple jews, orange jews but we have no Mexican jews."
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He spots a man down below and lowers the balloon to shout: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”
“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”
The man below says “You must be a manager.”
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”
“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.
“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”
“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”
The man below says “You must be a manager.”
“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
skullbiker
eXtreme
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
A marriage is like a deck of cards.........
At first, you'll need two hearts and a diamond.
But in the end a club and a spade is all that's needed!
At first, you'll need two hearts and a diamond.
But in the end a club and a spade is all that's needed!
A cowboy riding up main street comes upon an indian feller in the middle of the road with his ear pressed to the ground. Cowboy asks, what ya doing there chief? Indian replies, stagecoach....four horse....man big hat...women green dress...The cowboy looks all around and says, well shit! You can tell all that by listening to the ground?? Indian says, No! Come by half hour ago. Motherfucker run me over!
