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My Badass Burrito!

Hey y'all.
 
I love tacos and tortillas in general and some would argue that the burrito is nothing more than a bigass taco.
 
I pity the fool that believes that.
 
The way I see it the good people of Mexico invented it and gave it to us. Muchas gracias.
 
Today the burrito as we know it has evolved from its humble beginnings.
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burrito
 
To call it a taco is just wrong. Its bigger. Its badder. It has a shit-ton(official SoFlo measurement) of stuff in it. Taco's are small and dainty. Ever seen a taco the size of a 3 year old toddler's leg?
 
And what does that mean for chile heads and THP?
 
Simple. 
 
You can put a whole lot more of hot stuff in it or serve it up "wet" and on top.
 
And who doesn't like a bigass burrito? NOBODY.
 
Especially peep's that  :high: and you know who you are.
 
So bring it y'all.
 
I want to see a BIGASS BURRITO!
 
Make it  the size of the Alaskan Pipeline.
 
Load the hell out of it.
 
And bring the spiceenescxt!
 
 
Here's what I got.
 
MY BIGASS BURRITO!
 
I got it goin' on with red potato's in olive oil with garlic, onion, and fresno chile.
 

Then I got some other sheeit ready.
 

Then I whooped out a bigass sun dried tomato tortilla and started loading it up. Don't even think of calling it a wrap!
 

 
Get some scheeze on there.
 

 
Now roll that 'thang up. It should be the size of a house cat or a baby's torso.
 

 
You wanna' know what I did next?
 
I microwaved it!
 
Then I cut it in half and mouth fisted it!
 

 
I was full after eating just half of it.
 
But the bigass burrito was ALIVE and talking dirty to me.
 
I HAD to eat it all.
 
Afterwards, I drank another hosky and went to bed.
 
I farted fairy dust and moonbeams in my sleep all night long.
 
 
Now y'all.
 
BRING YOUR BIGASS BURRITO!
 
 
UPDATE.
 
Due to the popularity of the thread I am changing the thread title to My Badass Burrito.
 
Simply to include ALL burrito's, not just BIGASS.
 
 
 
Click to expand...
smokemaster said:
Dead smoked Chicken,Manzano Beans. not shown mop for chicken and apricot ginger salsa
 

 
Reasy to go-
 

 

 
Since no pics-recipes
 
DEAD CHICKEN

Rubbed down the day before with a mix of 

1/2 cup Kosher salt
1 cup paprika
1/3 cup each of
thyme
rubbed sage
garlic powder
onion powder
ground bay leaf

1/4 cup ground cloves
1/4 cup Mexican Cinnamon(not the other cinnamon)

To Taste:

Manzano powder 
Cascabell Powder
Habanero powder
Puya powder
Chile negro powder

Mopped with

Stock made with
1 bunch celery-tops etc.
3 bunches mexican green onions
6 carrots
4 grn. peppers
3 onions
2 bulbs roasted garlic
4 bay leaves
1 qt. water
2 dark beers
1/4 cup dry beef boulion
2 cups burgandy wine

Simmer until vegies are mush(couple hours on low heat) , strain and reserve liquid.

To liquid stock add

1 tbsp. rosemary
3tbsp. mex. oregano
3 tbsp. salt
1tsp. mace
1 tsp. cinnamon-mex.
3 tbsp. thyme
2 tbsp. rubbed sage
1/4 oz. allspice
2 tsp. ground cloves
1 tbsp. cumin-ground
1 tbsp. blk. pepper
3 oz. cascabel chiles
5 chile negro chiles
2 tbsp. dark chile powder -( homemade-Ancho,chile negro,cascabel,mex oregano,garlic powder,onion powder )
2 tbsp. paprika
23oz. apple sauce
1 cup dark molasses
1 cup catsup
1/4 cup lemon or lime juice
3 cups dark brown sugar.

Simmer until thick(hour or so on low)

Rub chicken down and let blend overnight in fridge.

Smoke over an oak and hickory fire for 6 -10 hours.
 
Relish/salsa
 
I made over a gal. of this to freeze etc. 
could be canned... You'll need a meat grinder or food processor.

6 sweet yellow bell peppers
6 sweet red peppers
6 lb. jalapino peppers-stemed 
12 golden bullet habaneros -thats all I had 
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6 orange habaneros -I added a few more after it blended 
smiley.png

2 large red onions 
1 large white onion 
3 whole garlic bulbs 
14 cups raw sugar 
16 boxes dried apricots 
1 1/2-2 qts. apple cider vinegar 
4 packets pectin- optional 
1 ginger 3 in. X 3/4 in root-peeled 

Grind apricots,onion,garlic,ginger and peppers in a meat grinder-fine plate. 
Add vinegar and sugar.Let blend in fridge overnight. Adjust hot pepper amount to desired taste.
Be careful with the ginger.It can take over if you add too much.I start out with the above measurements and add more of whatever I think it needs after it blends overnight.
People say they almost can't stop themselves from digging in and eating it with a spoon.
Good on fish and poultry.Anything really.
I was thinking of making an egg roll filled with shrimp,ham and this relish.

This stuff freezes ok too.

For canning 
bring to a slow boil,add pectin-follow canning instructions on pectin pack for canning.. 


Only add enough ginger so you can barely taste it.After blending overnight it gets a lot stronger tasting. 

recipe calculator for smaller batches 

www.fruitfromwashington.com/R...onversions.php 
Click to expand...
Is that a home made smoker?  Love the racks, and bird, too!
 
It's a brinkman.
DON"T BUY ONE UNLESS you have a welder.
 
A piece of crap out of the box.
I opened 3 out in the parking lot ,
Most were missing parts,took all 3 to get 1 whole one.
Came with rib rack and a couple other things.
 
Had to weld the firebox on and seal ALL the sheets of metal it was made of.
It was spot welded every 8 inches or more apart...
Re position the door-it was 1 inch+ away from touching the smoke box.
 
Wheels are crap-broke real fast.
 
Oh My!, this was good! If you like fish tacos, this Mahi Burrito will blow your nuts off! 
 
I got a GREAT fresh fish hookup. The guy works for a charter fishing boat. 
In an effort not to overcrowd his freezer, I've agreed to take fish that he keeps from the excursions, when he has extras. 
I'm so nice. 
 
The thing with Burritos is that once you've purchased a pack of tortillas, everything you make becomes a burrito until you run out. 
 
Today's dinner is a shout-out to my favorite waterfront diner, a bar/restaurant at Black Point Marina in Miami. It's close to home, and the fish is always fresh. I have spent many a drunken stupor enjoying cold beer, fish dip, and blackened sea-meat at that wonderful establishment.
 
I blackened some fresh mahi, with extra cayenne. 
At Black Point, blackened fish always comes with slaw and seasoned fries. I will be no different. 
I made a homemade Slaw with Central American crema instead of mayo. (slaw mix, crema, olive oil, lime juice, blackening seasoning)
Seasoned crispy fries
Fresh sliced tomato
Rolled up and crisped in the sandwich bot. 
Gratuitous pinky selfie was considered, but I was eating it too fast. Next time...
 

 

 

 
I ate it all in one bite.
 
Busch Light is the official SoFlo beverage. On special occasions they put umbrellas in them.

Me? I drink HHWiskey. Official Scovie juice.
 
Fitty first off, that burrito looks perfect to me.
 
Why? 
 
The slaw. Creamy without mayo and with plenty of tang with the lime.
 
Fresh tomato. Makes all the difference in the world. Sure you could have opened a can of Ro-Tell but that works ideally with 
 
Tex-Mex style meat. Fish not so much. Fresh is mo' betta'.
 
The lime. That is my go to citrus for almost all seafood. It has a complimentary sweetness that lemon lacks and I find it more 
 
versatile. I only use lemon on king crab or fish n' chips. Last month limes were 5 for $1. This month .50 cent for each. Damn you 
 
citrus disease!
 
The mahi mahi. Dorado. Dolphin. Just an outstandingly fantastic fish to eat. So awesome it needs 3 names. Grill it. Bake it. 
 
Blacken it. Smoke it. Fry it. Flip the whole fish behind your head and play it like Jimi. For those that have never gotten down on 
 
fresh mahi mahi, you're life is incomplete. Get on it pronto!
 
And finally the coup d' tat. The panini pressed sandwich bot trick. Adds another dimension to the burrito with the moderately 
 
crisp bite. And it literally welds the burrito shut and holds all that goodness together in harmony with the universe.
 
I feel like stripping down buck naked and running around with all the wild little animals in the back 40 behind my house.
 
Call Fitty and SoFlo gangsta' hip hop if you will. 
 
That's a SoFlo Wu Tang Fish Blunt.
 
Yeah mon!
 
EliteMcScruffin said:
Does everyone here drink Busch or something? I feel like I'm not part of the cool guys since I don't... just noticed it in almost everyone's burrito shots.
Click to expand...
 
Nah it is a SoFlo thing.  I drinks teh wodka.
 
Scoville DeVille said:
Busch Light is the official SoFlo beverage. On special occasions they put umbrellas in them.

Me? I drink HHWiskey. Official Scovie juice.
Click to expand...
 
 
JayT said:
 
Nah it is a SoFlo thing.  I drinks teh wodka.
Click to expand...
 
Gotcha... thought I missed the bandwagon.
 
I like whiskey with vodka as a chaser.  Or some Macallan 12/18yr straight up when I'm feelin more mellow. 
 
 
Back to the topic at hand... I shall make my exotic burrito this weekend so long as I remember.  Oryx fajita burrito.  Interested to see how it tastes!
 
KBK gave me a LIKE.
 
WOOT!
 
Stop lurking and posty up 'yer bigass burrito por favor!
 
Oryx fajita burrito?
 
Thats a bigass African deer.
 
I'm all in.
 
Posty up!
 
almost every meal ive eaten has been a burrito.   ive taking hungry man microwave dinners and dumped them into "tortilla's"  those were way back in the day days.   but none the less.  
 
 
i am burrito king!
 
 
if any one wants to taste my burrito:
 
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IMG_6480_zps4bb4e659.jpg

 
 
 
 
 
=
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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After Fitty brought a shit-ton(official SoFlo measurement) of whoopass with his Bigass Mahi Mahi Fish Burrito I was inspired.
 
And who wouldn't be? 
 
But alas, the Try-N-Save didna' have no dolphin. Or snapper. Like I was told they would. LION BASTIGES!
 
Bestest thang they had was steelhead.
 
Black Betty'd in olive earl and splooged each piece with 'wang sauce. That stuff is liquid crack.
 

 
I'm McLovin' these sun dried tom tore tillah's. Shredded scheeze, black beanage, and fresh mando'd red cab.
 
Didn't want to overload it and cause an umbilical hernia rupture so laid back on the ingred's a little bit.
 

 
Added the 'wanged pheesh and slapped the whole 'thang on the comal and used mrs. blues bacon press on it.
 
Smart.
 
Muchas gracias Fitty!
 

 
I reckon I nailed the fish to other sheeit ratio right here.
 
The semi-crisp quesadilla like crunch and the zippy sauce on the fish pumps up the volume hard in yer' 'mouf'.
 

 
As I was mao'in' it mrs. blues was yelling at me from her office down the hall.
 
"What's that smell? Fish AGAIN???"
 
Then her office door slammed shut.
 
nate6279 said:
  :clap: Well done. MMM steelhead. I'm so, so, :cry:  so, proud of you!
Click to expand...
 
Yeah mon!
 
While many selections for seafood at my local store can be up and down in consistency, one species, USA farmed steelhead, always appears super fresh. And I can get usually for $6.99 on sale which is way cheaper than farmed atlantic salmon. 
 
Even last years crappy freezer burned Alaskan sockeye salmon was going for $12.99. Screw that!
 
I'm pretty sure these fish come from Columbia River farmed stock from this joint...
 
http://www.gaalliance.org/newsroom/news.php?First-U.S.-Steelhead-Trout-Farm-Achieves-BAP-Certification-106
 
At this time I eat no farmed fish other than steelhead. And if I can't get affordable Alaskan salmon, I prefer to opt for Gulf of Mexico species. Can't go wrong with Texas Gulf shrimps. 
 
Still waiting to see how much redfish is going to go for.
 
Last I seen it was house mortgage worthy.
 
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