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Serious question about marriage, mine inparticular.

geez, want a womans advice? don't dump and run, you guys aren't just dating, you're married and you clearly do love her. give her a chance to get better. don't say 'it's her or me', instead you need to say 'it's therapy or me'. (try and see a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist, psychiatrists just push drugs and don't talk)
there is a reason she can't let go of this destructive person, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you it means the POS has a hold on her cuz she's sick and the POS knows it and will milk it for all it's worth.
hold her hand and take her to therapy. with good therapy you'll start to see results in six weeks, if nothing changes in six weeks get a new therapist. every third or fourth session sit in on so you can tell her what she's doing to the relationship as well as herself, but don't talk about too much stuff outside of therapy (and do regain your own life seperate from her, as people have said). if after all of that you don't see her making the same effort you are then you dump and run.
you can't be in a healthy relationship unless you have your sh*t together, and (no offense to your wife) she's a mindf*ck right now from the sounds of it, that's what's poisoning this relationship not the POS (she's just a symptom, so is the debt probably). instead of giving her threats give her help, if after that things don't work then you really should leave. if you were just dating then you have no reasonable obligation to stand by this woman during this miserable time but you made a commitment (and on top of that you do love this woman). that won't keep you going forever, but that's worth six more weeks of this.
 
Thanks everyone. I dont know what will transpire today because in a strange turn of events the "POS"s husband got fed up wit her BS and packed his shit and left. I told my wife to leave the malone for a while and let them work thier shit out.
 
have you ever heard the saying "if you run with the goats, you're gonna smell like them"?
 
Like I awlays say, "Women, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em and disolve thair bones in battery acid"....oh dear...I've said too much.....
 
DevilDuck said:
I have to disagree with the therapy. I've never seen any good come of it. Seriously.
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Well it will never work anyway unless both parties are willing to change things round. Your wife can be offered all the help and support in the world but unless she wants it and is ready for it will be a waste of time.
 
rainbowberry said:
Well it will never work anyway unless both parties are willing to change things round. Your wife can be offered all the help and support in the world but unless she wants it and is ready for it will be a waste of time.
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Kind of like everyone helping her quit smoking, she didnt want to quity so it was a waste of time.
 
DevilDuck said:
I have to disagree with the therapy. I've never seen any good come of it. Seriously.
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you can't really force someone to change, you can only help them once they decide to change on their own. i've seen a lot of good come from therapy. seriously. but only for people who went into it ready to change.
 
GrumpyBear said:
you can't really force someone to change, you can only help them once they decide to change on their own. i've seen a lot of good come from therapy. seriously. but only for people who went into it ready to change.
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I can see the logic in this. At the very least, no one can say that you didn't try everything to hold your marriage together.
 
This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I honestly feel that's a decision that YOU have to make and it's no one else's. However, that being said this is definitely an unhealthy relationship. Since your married I wouldn't give up on it yet because marriage means something. HOWEVER, I've seen crap like this far to many times. You're going to have to eventually reach the point where you draw a line and she needs to know it. You can't make her change, and that choice is on HER. If you draw a line and she won't get help or make an effort to change the guilt is off of you if you leave. Why? Because it was her decision not to get help and she knew the consequences. My wife's was going through something similar with my mother-in-law just recently. Her mother has Alcholic Cardiomyapathy. In other words she drank so much that she weakened to heart to 15% of what her heart strength should be. Her mother nearly died, but was later recovering after CPR, a difibulator, and recovering in the hospital for over a week. Not only this, but they found out the reason she was hallucinating was because of alcohol withdrawls. She's lucky enough to make it and is told if she keeps drinking it's her death sentence. So what does she do? After a few weeks she's getting loaded everyday and will refuse to get help. This was tearing my wife apart because she felt like she could change her mother. It was actually starting to get involved in our relationship. I love my wife and my mother-in-law, but I had to point out that there's no way my wife should have to suffer because of her mothers piss poor decisions. My wife finally realized that she can't change her mother and it's just going to take her down with her. I hope she get's help, but her mother is on her own now. You're probably going to have to get to that conclusion eventually. Not give up on your wife, but realize that there's a point where she needs to get help. You can't make her do it, just bring up the line that's to be drawn. Also, besides this I feel for ya. I was in a crappy situation with my ex-wife several years ago. I actually didn't give up on her, but she drug me through the dirt, screwed around, and made my life a living hell. Sh*t one week after the divorce I was in Iraq. How's that for sucking!:shocked::lol: Now that I look back at it though I'm glad I'm not with her. The woman I'm with is the most amazing woman in the whole world. I wouldn't give up on your wife because I feel marriage means something. However, you need to be firm and draw a line. If she doesn't get help I feel the decision if you leave was actually hers by her inaction.
 
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